[Solved] Contact / Access before mediation?

So can she withhold my kids from me before mediation? Is there anything I can do to get fair access to my children? It's been six weeks and I'm beside myself with loneliness and missing them all (her included).

There is not "law" that says a mother can do this, of course. But in practice, plenty do. You can apply for a Child Arrangements Order, if mediation fails via Form C100. But mediation should be the first step.

A judge is not going to be interested in petty squabbles between couples - they have seen it all before. The only thing of concern to a court is the child's welfare in relation to the Welfare Checklist (first and foremost).

I would strongly advise against making frivolous or baseless allegation about Ex and her partners/ex partners - as this will only go against you. Stay child-focussed and focussed on what you can do to make things better for your children.

good luck

I agree with the TashasHideousLaugh , keep it child centered and be very careful about stating you have recordings of her saying this and that, it could backfire on you as the authorities may see this as controlling behaviour on your part and you wouldn't be able to use it as evidence in a court without her permission.

I completely understand that you are missing them all and are finding it hard to cope, try not to let yourself slip deeper into depression....as I advised on your other thread, get some help to see you over this bad patch. It's important you look after yourself, eat regularly and get enough sleep, you'll be no good to your kids if you let your health deteriorate.

Youve only been split up a few weeks, it's very early days for you both so it's best to give each other a little space and time. I understand that you would like a reconciliation, but if that's a possibility the best way to make that happen is to be calm and reasonable and keep away from arguements.

Best of luck

From what I've read it is not illegal to record conversations on your mobile phone or to take video recordings and you do not need permission to do this. Also as far as I can tell video evidence is admissable in a court of law (civil or criminal), especially if it was taken to prevent a crime. See the section on "Physical evidence" on this webpage...
http://findlaw.co.uk/law/dispute_resolution/litigation/trial/rules-of-evidence.html
Can anyone please confirm this one way or another?
I appreciate your concern that this can be seen as controlling however there are several reasons I have taken the video's ranging from evidence of criminal activity, proof of my innocence in respect to claims she has made against me, and other civil matters - it is illegal for her to make these false allegations and she can serve a prison sentence for committing that crime. See...
http://www.separateddads.co.uk/falsely-accused-domestic-violence.html

Whilst this site is specifically referring to domestic violence I believe allegations of abduction or kidnapping would fall into the same kind of category. She absolutely knows that I have never threatened any such thing, and she has admitted several times, all recorded, that I have never said these things. She was not under duress during these conversations and admitted them of her own free will.

From what I've read it is not illegal to record conversations on your mobile phone or to take video recordings and you do not need permission to do this. Also as far as I can tell video evidence is admissable in a court of law (civil or criminal), especially if it was taken to prevent a crime. See the section on "Physical evidence" on this webpage...
http://findlaw.co.uk/law/dispute_resolution/litigation/trial/rules-of-evidence.html
Can anyone please confirm this one way or another?

The procedures surrounding "evidence" are quite specific. But Courts/Judges do have discretion as well. So overall, the situation is not entirely clear-cut.

In general, if recordings are made *without* the other parties' knowledge, then such recordings will be highly unlikely to be able to be used as evidence - unless the Judge thinks it is *crucial* to the proceedings of the Court, or is highly relevant in some other way, but there is no single answer. Each situation is different. Also, procedures exists concerning electronic evidence and making sure such evidence is not tampered with, and has been stored securely, etc, etc.

That said, there is a family case where a Judge allowed a father to submit evidence of an answering-phone message (back in the day when people still had answering machines..!), which consisted of the mother making accusations and (because of the facts of the case) making it clear her other previous allegations were false/baseless. In this case, the recording was "unsolicited", the mother telephoned the children's father of her own free will, and left the recording of her own free will....and it helped the Judge conclude other matters principle to the case.

As mojo says - its early days, and as your earlier reply to my message shows, you still have feelings for your ex. All this is quite normal. Although I am all for being proactive, you must let things take their course to some degree - and certainly avoid shooting yourself in the foot (such as making frivolous allegations against partners of your ex). Mediation should be attended first. After that, if things get to Court, CAFCASS will become involved and any serious allegations will be investigated.

If her allegations are wholly baseless, and no other agencies were involved, then it is likely that they will be shown to be baseless. But one step at a time.

All I can do is echo THL and MOJO's comments, the courts, cafcass, social services and mediation will not care in the slightest what allegations you are claiming it is rather petty and play ground stuff, They couldn't careless about what goes on between you and your ex as has been said their only concern is the children no one else.

If you make these claims and submit video's you will almost certainly be seen as controlling and mentally abusive and it will not look good on you at all and it will take you longer to see your children for sure also just be careful as the resident parent can and will get a non molestation order against you as you could be seen as harassing her.

You'll be best off backing off a little give her some space try to take your mind of things and don't make the situation any worse, anyway you look at it us men are always on the back foot when it comes to family court and the women can do no wrong they would have to be serious signs and proof of abuse towards your kids from the Mum for you to be taken seriously.

Forget your ex for the time being and concentrate on getting to see your kids 🙂

All the best

Slim 🙂

My original question was just that - is there anything I can do to get to see my kids more before mediation? It's hurting them, they're crying when they have to leave. It's hurting me - I'm desperately sad without them in my lives. There must be something I can do?

My original question was just that - is there anything I can do to get to see my kids more before mediation? It's hurting them, they're crying when they have to leave. It's hurting me - I'm desperately sad without them in my lives. There must be something I can do?

No, these types of things are sorted out at mediation and then via Court if things cannot be resolved at mediation.

It's tough and hard as [censored] but you'll be best off having minimal contact with the ex before mediation starts try and sort it out then, you're ex holds all the cards with regards to contact and she will probs use the kids as a weapon against you so bite the bullet don't make the situation any worse and prepare a good case for mediation and court, I never seen my new born baby for 10 months whilst I tried to get decent contact it's a living nightmare no been able to see your kids but it's worth it in the long run I'm happy as a pig in poo poo now I've got decent contact and my ex can't [censored] in at all 🙂

You are in good hands here mate, take the advise you have been given (these guys are a god send) and keep your head high. My position is a little different to yours but I have my down times as well, what keeps me going is the little one and making sure that in the end she has the upbringing that a child deserves. You will get there, remain focused and we are all here for support mate. Many here have been in your position or are going though it so you have found a network of people you can talk to 🙂 I hope this at least eases a little bit of your pain.

Until I discovered this forum I'd been almost completely alone for six weeks and desperate for help. I see my kids on average for 9 hours each week - it's so hard after they live with you every day. I can't put them to bed or do all the lovely things that you get to do with them. My world is so different not having my family around.
Having you guys here to answer my questions is a great weight off my mind. Thank you all for the support - I know most of you have got the t-shirt but I'm pretty much just at the start and it's really difficult for me. My only alternative would be expensive solicitors.

THANK YOU ALL!!!

I hope one day I'll be able to do what you guys do and help others like me.

I feel your pain man it is hard to get used to not only are you trying to get over the relationship breakdown but you've got the added upset of not seeing your kids it's by far the hardest thing I had to deal with in my entire life bar none I've always said it's actually worse than some one passing away.

I'n the general scheme of things all this is a drop in the ocean and trust me it will get sorted out in the meantime try and take good care of yourself make sure you eat and sleep well you need to be a strong daddy for the kids you'll be good to no one if you end up a crying mess all the time.

Try and keep yourself busy don't dwell on the situation do a hobby go out socialise lean on friends and family I started exercising going out more, I started buying and selling cars I started dj'ing again anything to keep me busy.

All the best

Slim 🙂