[Solved] contact

Hi I was looking on the internet it says that if I put in writing and sign it that I want increase contact I can without a court order is this correct
does anyone know? I just thought I had to stick to the order and take it back to court if I wanted to change it. Tia

hi,

think of the court order as a default/minimum contact agreement. there is nothing stopping both parents from making their own agreements on top of this. the courts like to encourage that.

you can increase contact for your childs dad, as long as both of you agree. see how it goes. my ex does not give me 1 extra hour of contact time lol. and thats why i am going back to court to get more time. you only go back to court if both of you can not agree.

Hi again,

Bill is right - your court order gives the default or baseline position, but changes can be made to this as long as you both agree with these changes, otherwise you would both have to stick to what it says in the order. Both parties have to show willingness when it comes to making changes (with consideration taken for the interests of the child also), it shouldn't be one-sided. I showed some flexibility at the beginning, but it soon became clear it wasn't going to be reciprocated, so now we just stick with the order as is.

I would try emailing your ex about increasing contact or speaking to him in person if you can without conflict.
You can let your son see his dad whenever he wants , however it should be consistent set times and date so your son don't feel let down.
It might be now son is getting older that dad wants to see him more often and no longer wants to be unreliable. some dads change some don't as child gets older.

A good way of allowing more contact for your son is if he collects him from school for play and supper or even pick up from school and drop back to school in morning. I am sure your son wants to see his dad more than once a month ,but also he has to always turn up when your son is expecting him too.

Hi Warwickshire1

Thanks for your message

We had a bitter break up we didn’t speak for years I started emailing because of pressure from my son he hates us not speaking my ex does email occasionally but it’s only to ask about my son it’s very business like he does state he misses him but he’s always puts his older children first still does, he has show more interest in my son lately he still hasn’t asked for more contact I think he’s waiting for me to offer it I’m still unsure whether more physical contact would be best because I’m worried he will let him down, I’m thinking of maybe offering indirect contact first phones calls see how it goes from there

If it helps coming from a dad who has had lot of animosity from his ex. His email being business like is a good thing although I know it don't seem it to yourself.. Any dads that are trying to see their children do write emails or arrange contact in a business like way and that's what you are taught if you look online as well. If you start off business like and things start going great the business like approach wears off as if you can get on it can develop where you get on civil in front of your son. Its hard for dads and mums .

I don't think indirect contact will go down too well. What he needs to do is have your son regular on a certain day ..after school is a good one starting with play and supper. if all goes well this could turn into pick up from school drop off to school next morning. What your ex needs to understand is your son needs routine and needs to know if his dad says every Wednesday then he should turn up accordingly. a one off is understandable but you would know as he is meant to be going to school if he chooses to do so.

It may be now its been years later he has changed and wants to play a regular part in your sons life and get on with yourself amicably

If your son hasn't seen his dad for a while you could speak to his dad first to say you want contact to be regular set times.
Maybe also if you think pick up from school is a good idea he could speak to his dad beforehand. 6 year olds adapt well, I have 2 sons aged 6 and 8 and though no fault of my own cause ex stops contact I not seen them for long periods more than a few times. when they do see me they are always excited even after a long time, they are a bit quiet for 5 - 10 mins but soon as they see you are pleased to see them it doesn't take long