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This is the situation in as few words as possible. Wife and husband together 20+ years. Close and supportive. Good marriage. Two children boy and girl 16 and 12. Three weeks ago huge row instigated by teenage boy out of control. Got a bit physical but more frightening than any real harm done. Wife packs bags instantly and moves self and kids to her parents.
Next actions: clears half of joint account, stops child benefit and child tax credit to have it redirected to her parents address and gets half hour advice from solicitor. Texts me saying solicitor advises we communicate to sort things out. I send several emails and texts all of which are ignored after the first one. Also I text children - all ignored.
On Saturday a copper turns up at home about the argument. Is extremely nice about it. Says he has already been told by officer in charge that this is a one off among a nice family and it shouldn't lead to anything. Gives me to understand that wife and kids already wishing they hadn't started this but police no option to but to look into it. From what he's heard from the other side it's all going to turn out OK.
However - he looked surprised when I told him I haven't heard from wife for about 10 days. That's the situation. Wife gone. Takes kids. Leaves me in the house. Complete silence - and it goes on day after day as if I don't have a right to know anything or be told anything. Totally baffled and getting seriously spooked. Don't want to go to solicitor in case it precipitates a decision to make the split final.
Hi there
I can understand why you're baffled, especially after the visit from the police. If she's not even answering your emails, it's impossible to open any dialogue with her. The only other thing I can suggest is that you try mediation, or Relate to try and break the deadlock, hopefully it's as the police officer says and it will be ok.
www.nfm.org.uk
www.relate.org.uk
Could you communicate with her parents? Do you think they might be willing to act as a third party to try and get this sorted out, or even a close friend to you both.
Best of luck
Things have moved on. All of a sudden my boy emailed me very friendly and we've been emailing/talking a lot since. He suggested coming here to pick up some stuff if that's OK with me. I said yes I'd love to see you but you must tell your mum.
Mum objected but had long talk with me and asked to all come and pick up stuff but could I make sure I'me out at the time. I agreed but not happy about being ordered about. Tone of conversation was nice but underlying message was don't want to be married anymore so could you be a nice chap and find a flat so I can sell the house and then you might stand a chance of getting me back. Nice.
I'm going start a thread about if a wife can sell the house from under her husband.
Hi there
I apologise for my cynicism, but I'm not sure you should vacate the property when they call round, it's better if you agree to stay in a separate room... just in case she takes residence again and then you could be in trouble and looking for that flat sooner than you realise.
This is just my opinion, it I've seen many situations where the estranged other half has resorted to underhand tactics.
All the best
I agree with Mojo - I wouldn't agree to leave while they come round or you could find yourself homeless!
You could say that if she has concerns about you being there, she's welcome to bring a police officer with her. They will do this, my daughter's friend recently had issues with her mother and wanted to collect her things but was worried about there being a scene - she spoke to the police and they arranged to go with her as a precaution.
Ah - I have just seen the last two posts about staying in the house when they come round to get stuff. I see what you mean.
Well, luckily for me they came round and left again and I'm still in lonely residence. My boy - who was emailing me but has stopped talking again - said that she asked for the police to be there but they refused.
I take your point about if she comes back when I am out the way she can start living there again. But she could start living here again if I am there when she arrives. What's the difference?
It might be easier if you volunteer to pack up the stuff she needs and have it ready for her when she calls round. That would seem to be the compromise solution.
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