Morning all, looking for some advice from experienced parents
I have a 4 year old boy but have never been in a relationship with his mother although I have been part of his life since the day he was born. I also have a partner of 4 years who has been part of his life since he was born. He absolutely adores her and he knows nothing different than us being together.
From day 1 my original contact with him was Wednesday Evening and every 2nd weekend. Each year the contact time has increased and I am now at the point where he is with us at least 3 nights a week and every weekend due to her starting work In January and doing 12 hour shifts with no set days.
I have to constantly ask her for her rota (which she Doesn't pass on until the week before) so I can work out his schedule and where he will be staying for the upcoming weeks. On days that we are both working and and he isn’t at nursery I am always the parent that sacrifices work commitments or my partner takes time off work to make sure he has childcare. We often get help from grandparents when possible.
We try our absolute best to give him a stable routine but she makes absolutely no effort to help with this, and then out of the blue she will demand she has him for a full week during Term time or at weekend with less than a weeks notice.
March this year I had to stop her contact with him because I found out she was driving him about in her unsafe car with no MOT Tax or insurance. I asked her twice to please not put him in the car which she totally ignored so I had no other option than to keep him until she fixed the car or got rid of it. I feel this difficulty or lack of effort from her has stemmed from this.
I am struggling to get my full story in here but I guess what I’m looking for assurances if I am doing the correct things for the benefit of the child
I try to have conversations face to face I get doors slammed in my face because she thinks I’m having a dog at her parenting, but in reality I just want what’s best for my son and to keep him safe we’ll and happy.
- I have sent 3 solicitor letters which she has completely ignored and aloes to my face saying her solicitor will be in touch (2 months ago). We want to apply for permanent residency. Is this the right thing to do?
Our next step is court proceedings but this could all be resolved without going to court but she is making no effort to come to an agreement
- Is it unrealistic to ask for her rota 2/3 weeks in advance if she wants to make plans to spend time with him?
- Am I wrong to reject her demand for having him for a full week with only 4 days notice? Especially during Term time when he has sports clubs and we have plans for him during the weekend when he would normally be with us.
- How can I communicate these things without her going on the defence
Thanks for reading my post and appreciate any replies
hi,
I think it's better child to have a set routine, that way it minimises any disruption to his life and education etc.
What I suggest is you book a mediation appointment, and you can make proposals like child stays with each parent, 1 week on, 1 week off. theres lots of schedules you can consider here:
https://www.custodyxchange.com/
I would be wary of going back and forth with your solicitor, costs rack up very quickly. if you use them for a court case, then looking at final costs of about £15k and above. Yes you could consider applying for residency, but courts would make final decisions on it. With right guidance you can self represent. please let us know how you get on. feel free to drop me a private message if you need advice.
I agree that mediation would be a good place to start. You could also consider using AppClose for communicating with each other about child care arrnagements. There are some helpful guides about going to court on the advicenow.org.uk website. You will need to attempt mediation before going to court so that would be a first step. It is expensive and time consuming and may not solve the problem anyway.