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Hi All,
New to the forum.
My wife, who has BiPolar Disorder (medically confirmed and should be on meds) asked for a separation in July 2014.
I reluctantly moved out in August. I have access to my daughter every Tuesday and Friday evening to Monday morning every second week.
My hope was to reconcile and did everything in my power to do so.
She however had other plans and continued to treat me like a doormat.
She thought she could continue to keep the rented property we once shared but shortly afterwards the landlord kicked her out.
I borrowed some money and lent it to her for the deposit and rent for the new accommodation and bought her a new second hand car as hers failed MOT.
Within 3 months she already had a new lover and insisted on a divorce. I had no choice but to agree and proceeding are now under way.
I recently started a new business and was advised by my laywer to get her to sign a Clean Break Consent form which she has done.
She now owes me money for the loans which I'm allowing her to pay off at a very conservative and reduced rate.
I believe I am paying the legal amount in child care per month however as time has gone by I have discovered that she opened an account in my name, failed to pay bills once I left our shared residence, has lied to me about various bills that she made me pay for and as a result I have had to pay these bills but at the cost of it seriously affecting my credit score and now have a pretty poor credit rating. I have even offered to squash any debt she has with me if she can provide me with the relevant info regarding the bills she has made me pay, oh, and she owns a horse which due to her pleas of poverty I have asked her to sell as it only makes sense considering the situation she says she's in.
It's been several months and she still hasn't provided any proof of these bills nor has she sold her horse.
She is also lying about what she is getting in terms of benefits and is constantly telling me how broke she is and that she cannot afford to provide the basics for my daughters well being, in fact every correspondence we have mentions this which is causing me great emotional stress. I have proof of all the above.
I have done a lot of homework and have found out that she is either lying or not getting the benefits she is entitled to. Based on her track record however (and the BiPolar) I'm inclined to believe she is lying and emotionally blackmailing me.
I don't want to underpay her in anyway but at the same time I don't deserve to be taken advantage of at every opportunity.
My question is... Would it be better to contact the Child Maintenance Service for advice? Will there involvement benefit me in any way or is it something I should try and avoid?
Any advise is welcome.
Thanks in advance
If you open a case with CMS first then you will be able to close that case if you wished to at any point rather than if she opened the CMS case only she could close it so I would advise that you open the case.
First off you may wish to use the CMS calculator to establish if what you are currently paying is in line with the figure that CMS would advise. If the figure that the CMS calculator gives is less than you already are then you may if you wish pay only that amount and no more for the maintenance of your children.
You may also decide to pay more than the CMS calculator if it suits your situation.
Even if the CMS is involved they will advise that an agreement is made between yourselves, direct pay, and will only really become involved if you start to miss payments which is when they may suggest collect and pay for which there are charges made to the paying and recieveing parent so the incentive is to come to agreement and direct pay as both will lose out due to the charges.
If I were you, check the CMS calcuator - https://www.gov.uk/calculate-your-child-maintenance -if the figure is less than you pay now then put it to your former partner what the figure is that you should be paying and this may become useful leverage. I would also open a case with the CMS before she does so that you have the control over the case being closed.
Regards,
Dave
Hi Dave and thank your for response. I am indeed paying more than legally expected.
Additionally to this I also pay for all school related fees and uniforms.
We agreed to pay half for any extra mural activities as well as school trips but she has been saying she can't afford it and unless I don't pay my child can't go to them so I have been fitting the bill for this too.
If I went the CSA route will I still have to pay for any of these?
I really don't mind as I want the best for my daughter but I'd like her to realise that she is taking the P. And if I did go this route she will be worse if than she claims to be.
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