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Sorry if this has already been gone over already.
I separated from my children's mother in 2014. I've paid maintenance from day 1 of us separating. I've always had them for 2 nights per week. Friday from school until 7.30pm on a Sunday night.
I've reviewed the practicalities and decided on keeping them on a Sunday night and taking them to school on a Monday meaning 3 nights. On the two nights the maintenance costs were £280 with the 3 nights it's £230 per calendar month. I've spoken with the ex and she's [censored] bent on wanting £230 even though we she has them 4 nights and me 3.
I'm baffled why it's still so high and trying to make her see sense I'm not in it for the monies. But more to actually spend the money on the children on clothes & days out as opposed to keep doing the low budget things every weekend.
She is living above a pub with her "boyfriend" the flat they live in is cost free with only Council tax to pay, perk of the job. They have 2 incomes coming in, child tax credits and then £280 from me, I know I look like a laughing stock right?
I'm single & living alone apart from with my 2 children at the weekends, struggling to make ends meat paying the mortgage to have a roof over our heads and keeping the children entertained at weekends too, which I'm sure you all know isn't cheap nowadays.
Is all this right? I'm still willing to pay maintenance but I can't help but think I've got the [censored] end of the stick somewhere.
To work it out, can't it be flipped that she pays me for the 3 and I pay her for the 4 nights. Minus the 2 then it would work out she gets just short of £100 per month.
We were never married and if I want the kids extra I can and visa versa with her for birthdays family days etc.
Just feel something is wrong in all of this.
Any suggestions? Or shall I just forget I've written this?
Thanks in advance
Hi
Unless you have genuine equal shared care, then the parent with care is the one who has them the most, and who claims child benefit, and the non resident parent is obliged to pay maintenance according to the calculation buy the CSA or CMS, assuming that one of them is involved. YOu don't have to buy clothes as the maintenance covers all of that, but otherwise, if the mother is sticking to the amount of the calculation, there isn't a great deal you can do I'm afraid.
Thanks for your response.
I think I just need to arrange with her about the clothing issu. On a Friday from school we pick the stuff up from hers but it's like trying to get blood from a stone getting it. And it's always the grit box stuff she gives me.
Am I quite within my rights to buy and keep receipts for them and take it out of the maintenance money if and when required?
Have you checked the amount with the CMS calculator?
www.gov.uk/check/your/child/maintenance
If you pay through the CMS then it wouldn't be possible to buy extra clothes and deduct it from what you pay her, however if you have an agreement between yourselves then it's up to you to negotiate.
Lots of dads here have the same problem about getting clothes for the kids to wear when they are with them, it's often easier to buy some and keep them at your place; changing them back into the clothes you picked them up in when you drop them back off. Kids clothes are really cheap if you go to Primark, Asda or Tesco, or even EBay.
All the best
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