[Solved] Child contact order vs shiftwork

Hi mate. Ideally the court hopes you and your ex can agree what's going on and simply ratify it and make it legal. I guess like most of us your on here as your ex won't agree to anything so probably not practical.

The court won't enforce contact days when it's obvious you are at work. If you're shift work is repetitive in terms of its rota. It's fairly easy to work out the pattern and not uncommon to allocate times that accommodate the kids 1st of all then take into account your working hours.

If it's more sporadic and you don't know your shifts from 1 month to the next it's a bit tougher to regulate but still can be done, you just have to work out shifts as best you can, work out a practical schedule and present that as your solution. It helps when you show the court you are trying your utmost to resolve it yourself, casting aside any dislike of your ex and focussing on kids.

I know your probably at the outset mate and it's very daunting but it can be done. Two years ago I thought I'd never see my son again. I have been to court on numerous occasions slowly treading the bureaucratic gender bias path they make us. He is currently in 'our' house and we are off to a bbq shortly. I contemplated doing myself in, the pain was unbearable but let me assure you it can and will get better.

Small steps will get you to where you want

Yes my shifts follow no pattern and my days off are different every week following no pattern I normally get my shifts a month before so with a court order how would this work, because i am unable to offer a day(s) to have the kids because next month I could be work that set day(s) I want to see them as often as possible but my shifts are around the clock, nights and days from 7hrs to 14hrs shifts from 4 days A week to 6 days a week. So it's not even possible to make an offer of certain times to have the kids as it changes. We have tried a family arrangement and I have been having he kids 1 night a week at least every week up to 4 nights a week a good few times, however the ex wife is stating that the kids not knowing when they will see me is harming them and affecting them and she cannot plan her work or anything as a result of my UN co-operativeness. Also she states just cause I don't have them as I am working I should be going to the "family home" which I was kicked out of to see them before and after work. However when you are working a 14 hour shift driving a coach I am already sleep deprived I don't see how this is reasonable. I also make regular payments not through CMS but as per their guideline amounts and then pay extra for anything the kids may need. My son is 6 months and my daughter is 3. She also dictates that I finish work at 3am after a 14 hour shift then she will drop them over at 7am as its my responsibility to have them, however with that little sleep I then drop them off 2 days later on my way back into work I want to see them but also surely there is a point where it becomes un reasonable to my health when I am running off 3/4 hours sleep a night? Now she threatens to stop me seeing them as I don't give enough notice of shifts (I give as soon as I have them)

And you are right there have been many occasions where I have debated everyone would be better off without me, I am doing everything I can to accommodate this to be as normal as possible for the children after the breakdown of marriage, and that they see both parents as much as possible and j spend all the time with them that I can, but I then feel maybe I should be running on 3/4 hours sleep because then I see them more and the kids deserve that. I just feel like a big useless failure and that I am not doing enough. Is she right?

I am at an end where I don't even know what my own mind thinks whether I am doing things right or whether she is actually right and I should be doing more. She is threatening a court order but my concern is that if they give me set days to have my children and work can't acomadate this then I am out of work loose the house and my children. I really don't know what to think or what to do.

Hi there

I think the main reason your ex isn't happy is because she can't plan her life, I'm sure the kids are ok with it as long as they see you regularly!

Ok the good news is that the courts will take account of your work schedule, no court would make an order that didnt fit around that. The fact that you are only given a months notice of your shift pattern can be worked with as long as you can provide the schedule to your ex as soon as you get it and work out the the days you are able to have them, allowing for you to get adequate rest after any long shifts. Because of the fluid nature of your shift pattern there will have to be a certain amount of working together so a defined order for set days can't be made, but an order to share the rota and get x amount of time a week with your children can be ordered.

Please don't think that you have failed, your children are very young and as long as they see you regularly you have nothing to beat yourself up about....if she is telling you aren't doing enough thats bullying in my mind, you are doing your best and that's all that can be asked of anyone. Her attitude probably had a lot more to do with her wanting free time for herself than what is best for the children. Yes it's probably an inconvinience for her not to have set days but that's just the way it has to be because of your work.

Don't forget that parenting young children is tiring anyway, you're dealing with the break up, working crazy shifts and trying to be there for your children....give yourself a break and stop thinking it's your fault... You also need a life.

It might help to try mediation, you would need to attend anyway before an application to court can be made. Here's a link to the mediation service

www.nfm.org.uk

If mediation fails the mediator will sign off the form to enable either you or your ex to make an application to court.

All the best

Can someone please help me
My ex is trying to say to me because I work shift that I need to make set days to see my daughter even though I will be working
So they days I have her and if I'm working I'll have to pay child care.
Is that something the court will say?
I'm going to see a solicitor on Wednesday.
I have my planner a year in advance and have been more than amicable with the dates given her 2 months in advance for two days a week.
But as she says my parents can't work around my schedule it needs to be changed.

If you pay child maintenance you don't have to pay for child care.

You should have set days when having children or in your case set days that are the same but rotate according to your rota. a family court would have no problem with days rotating if its the same consistently. You aren't responsible for child care however unless its a block of days and child is in your care.

What kind of schedule have you suggested to your ex partner and how old is your child. sounds like he/she isn't at at nursery/school yet

Thank you for your reply.
So my shift pattern is 2 days 2 nights 4 off after my night shift I get my head down for a few hours then pick my daughter up around lunchtime and have her for 2 nights. Because of the four on four off every week the first day changes for example I'll start my first set on the monday the following will be the Tues and so on.
Shes 13 months now.

So the courts won't tell me I need her set days?
This is what she seems to think the case is.
It's not possible with my job.

The courts are mindful of regular work patterns you may have - they won't expect employers to work around you as that isn't reasonable.

no your rota should work in a cycle . so you should have the same contact time in cycle if that makes sense.
The problem you do have is that your child is under the age of 2 and if mum refuses overnights then things could become difficult.
It might be if you are already having overnights that you will be able to argue your case successfully.

What time do you start work in the mornings

Yeah I have my daughter two nights a week since we split.
I start work at 06:30 and finish at 18:30. Last week I had her Thursday after my last night shift and had her till Saturday about 13:00 hours.
This week I will have her friday after my night shift and have her till Sunday lunchtime.
The week after I'll have her satirday and sunday night return her back to her grandparents monday lunchtime.

So every week we move forward a day.

Thank you for your reply