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Hi All,
I hope everyone is well.
Last Wednesday 17th February 2016 a letter arrived at my home that I had to sign for.
I opened it to find that the mother of my 6 year old daughter had typed up a letter stating that she was concerned about the welfare of our daughter when visiting me. She said she was unhappy about our daughter staying with me when I'm in the early stages of a relationship.
She went on to write that she is not prepared to allow further contact at this stage until I have applied for a defined contact order.
Now to be honest I may have added fuel to the fire as I moved in with my girlfriend who I have been with for over a year.
My daughters mother told me that I will not be allowed my daughter over night until she was happy with the arrangement. Altho I informed her 8 weeks before I moved so there is no shocks and surprises.
I moved in first week of January 2016 from my flat that my ex was happy for me to have our daughter over night.
For 4 years now I have let my ex dictate who I can see and have around our daughter.
This has resulted in a previous relationship I was in breaking down as I was not allowed to involve our daughter in my private life.
So last week I had had enough. My daughter desperately wanted to stay over night with me.
She has her own bed and everything she needs at my home.
I decided that she would stay over and told my ex that our daughter was staying at mine tonight.
She responded by saying that I was refusing to bring her back. I replied no as our verbal agreement was that the dates she gave me always involved our daughter staying over night.
She decided to change that agreement when I moved in to my new home with my girlfriend and her 10 year old daughter.
I never agreed to the change but reluctantly brought our daughter home each evening only to pick her up again in the morning to keep the peace.
So now I decided to make a stand I am now paying the price as she has now sent this letter.
What I don't understand is my ex is now in a gay relationship (3rd that I know off since the end of our relationship) and actively exposes my daughter to her relationships.
The last 2 Christmas mornings my daughter has woke up with her mum and and new partner.
Her current relationship she is in she has been involved for almost a year.
They share the same bed that my daughter has commented on.
I know it's the 21st century and I'm all for diversity etc but she preaches her rules to me what I can and cannot do but follows none when it comes to herself.
It's so frustrating and upsetting as she is so hypocritical.
She is a good mum but she is so selfish and I don't understand why she continues to have such a stranglehold over my relationship with my daughter.
I've sent a few emails off about mediation and hope we can make some progress but I fear she will not comply and we will have to go to court.
I'm a good dad to my daughter I have her every other weekend. I also have her 2 evenings and 1 overnight in the week days. School holidays is 50/50.
I pay monthly through a standing order but not CSA but the correct money. I also pay half for school clothes and anything else she needs.
I am on the birth certificate so have parental responsibilities.
It kills me that she has stopped me seeing my daughter until I get a contact order that could take many months.
How much power have I got. Could I pick her up from school instead of the childminder. What will happen.
I feel helpless and useless and the only one missing out is my daughter.
Help!!
Hi there
This is unfair and you have every right to say enough is enough.
Unfortunately I don't think it would be advisable to pick her up from school without agreement from the mother, it's better to play things by the book if it might end up in court.
Your first step is to arrange an appointment with the mediator asap, the mediator will then contact the mother and ask her to attend. If she refuses or mediation fails the mediator will sign off the application form that you can submit to court.
Once in court I think your case would be resolved quite quickly. Make a point of requesting that the court make her aware that whilst your child is with you, what you do and who you introduce your child to is up to you.
Best of luck
Hi eaonedwards
Schools cannot refuse, in law, to hand a child over to a parent with parental responsibility unless that parent has a court order against them restricting them from doing so.
Although most schools nowadays operate some form of "safe to collect list" so you may fall foul of that, if your name is not on this list and you are not known to the school. In this instance the school *may* contact your ex by phone - where it sounds like she would tell them what a wicked person you are, etc. In general it would be better to arrange things via letter with the head first, confirming all the relevant details - so as to avoid a distressing situation at the school gates.
Unfortunately, schools do find themselves in quite a difficult position - and while I have found the headteachers I have dealt with to be knowledgeable and sensitive - not all class teachers (who think it is totally normal to assume all men are child-molesters who would attack their own child....) are as able, in this regard.
One other point is that - it does sound as if you have previously given in to the "controlling aspect" from your ex. The importance of this, is that if your ex really does not want you to pick up your child - it is not beyond the realms of possibility for her to "allege" that you may "abduct" the child and not return them....which would be a "can of worms". For this reason, if things have become hostile in this way - it is advisable to sort school access issues after obtaining a Court order/her consent...if this is the path your ex's bitterness and controlling behaviour takes you down.
Good luck
...and that's the crux of it really, on paper parents with PR have equal rights, but that doesn't always equate in reality.
She could quite easily accuse you of abduction and its impossible to know how the police would react to that, even though you have PR rights....and would you want your child upset with police involvement? A can of worms indeed.
The fact that the mother is allowing your daughter into the home you share with your partner during the day is really a shot in the foot. Overnights have been in place for a long time and if she thought your child was at risk at your new place, she wouldn't let her go there at all....by saying she can, albeit limiting her stays, she really has no argument for stopping overnights.
Hi There,
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I agree with Mojo, although you may have a legal right to collect from school, the issues this would cause to your case in the future just isn't worth it, continue with trying for mediation, if your ex won't attend then you can apply to court, ensure when/if you apply to court you ask in the application for an interim order to be set at the first hearing so that contact can continue as soon as possible.
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I think your ex is trying to be controlling, and as you say she isn't playing by the same rules she is trying to set out, so I think you have a very strong case to get things back to how they were.
.#
good luck and keep us posted.
.
GTTS
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