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Hi,
I’ve posted a few times before about ongoing battle with my ex and her refusal to let me see the kids whenever we have an argument. She’s not happy I’ve moved on (after over 2 years of being separated) she’s not happy the kids like my new partner and have asked for her on numerous occasions to be at the house so they can play together, asking for her to come on days out etc.
Couple weeks ago she come to the house Saturday morning still drunk from night previous saying she wanted the kids and was taking them home and I wasn’t going to see them again until I got an agreement. All this was because I asked her to have them for 1 weekend so I could go to a friends wedding in another country. She told the kids I didn’t love them I didn’t want them with me on weekends, that I care more about my new partner than I do them. I’m sure you get the picture.
After that, I want and need something in writing stating everything to do with the kids and our agreement.
Money currently is tough for me, so I done a bit of searching and found a template for child arrangement agreement and filled out all the details for all the different sections. I asked her for an email address so I could email over so she could take a look and get back with any changes she wasn’t happy with and we could come to an agreement.
She refused to give me an email address and then said we don’t need and agreement we can work it between us. Except we can’t because I know what she done couple weeks ago Will happen again. Whenever she gets into an argument with me she using them against me.
Then when I persisted with getting an agreement done and in place she said she will not look at anything and will just make us go to mediation and laughing that I will have to pay for it all as she doesn’t work.
Is there anything I can do with this agreement without going down the legal route?
And what difference does it make if we work it together and both sign agreement, or if we do it through a solicitor ? What benefits would I get out having a solicitor sort this for me? Any difference in legality of it?
Sorry I know it’s a long post but I need this sorting.
Thanks for any reply.
Unfortunately any agreement that you or a solicitor draw up isn’t legally binding, the only way to have a legally binding agreement is with a court order.
As far as mediation is concerned, if your ex isn’t working she will be entitled to legal aid to cover the cost of mediation, you would be also be entitled to the first session free, this is called a MIAM (Mediation Information and Assessment Meeting).
I’ve read through your previous posts, it seems to me that your situation isn’t likely to improve if it’s just left, she will continue to try and control you and use the children Against you... at some point you’re going to have to take the next step if you want to change yours and your children’s situation.
All the best
hi, this is not a nice situation to be in. court papers were filed within 3 months of my break-up with ex. the trouble started very early and i wasnt prepared to experience more nonsense and grief.
its up to you. seems like she is just jealous of your ex and will continue to mess around with you, as long as there is no legal agreement in place. you can speak to this charity -
they can sit with you and fill in the child arrangement application form, so you dont end up spending lot of money to get solicitors to do it. but you will have to spend £215 to submit it to courts. if you have some money to stand 2-3 rounds of court hearings, you should consider it. probably looking at £600-1000 per hearing if you want a barrister to represent you. your ex has already made a joke of going to mediation, so thats one thing you wont have to waste time and money on 🙂
Contrary to Bills last sentence, you will have to attempt mediation first, hopefully it won’t be a waste of time, but it’s mandatory... you will need the mediator to sign the court application form, before you can submit it to court.
yes correct. I attended MIAM assessment on my own for about £90. short video call. it was straightforward for me as ex cut all contact and didnt want to speak to me. so mediator just said he's heard enough, and signing me off so i can make court application.
Thanks guys. Every time I keep asking for an email address to send copy to she keeps coming back with ‘we have the agreement, with you weekends with me in week’ ... told her I want something signing as it includes details for everything else such as holiday, money, new partners etc.
The one thing I know she won’t like and will not want in the agreement is what I’ve asked for me. I’ve asked for every 5 days I book off of work to have the kids let me have 1 weekend or even 1 day on a weekend for myself to just chill, do something for me or my partner. I work mom-fri and most days are 12 hour days, job requires it sometimes, and then have kids from Friday after school to 7pm on a Sunday... I don’t get any ‘relax time’ ... I know with kids you lose that anyway haha but if she can have relax time of a weekend (and in week as she doesn’t work anyway) why can’t I?
1 weekend / 1 day of a weekend for every 5 days I book off. I know this will be the issue.
Asked her 6 times today by text for an email address. No response. So I will take pictures of each page and send that over tomorrow. See what happens from there.
It’s important for all of us to have some relax time, you’re not being unreasonable, stick to your guns.
All the best
Unfortunately, it's all about control for your ex, not about the quality of time the kids have with their father, or about fostering a workable co-parenting relationship which would be in the best interests of the children involved, as well as the parents.
It's sounds like you've done all you can to discuss the matter directly, while she's gone out her way to restrict and frustrate communication. Parenting involves a lot of compromising, but it appears you're having to deal with 'her way or the highway'. It sounds like you're much better off proceeding with the mediation. If she doesn't show up, the mediator will sign off and you will able to make your application for Child Arrangements, which should give you both defined time with the children that she can't tinker around with without your consent.
I went through this whole process myself a few years ago. While the mother in my case retains her controlling attitude, she is technically operating within a cupboard space rather than the grand palace of rights and privileges she swanned in prior to the Child Arrangements Order.
Take heart and stay on course.
bobty, stop texting and emailing/calling your ex. she can easily report you for harrasment and get one of those silly non molestation orders on you, and make your life more difficult. best thing to do is go down legal route and let court, lawyers work for you.
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