[Solved] child arrangement order/prohibited steps

Hi

I strongly agree with everything Mojo has said to you.

I think your proposals are solid and show consideration to a period of reintroduction. However, I think the court might not see you as the best person to supervise contact while it is being reestablished. They might ask you to consider supported contact at a centre unless one of you has a suitable third party to supervise a few sessions.

He walked out on his daughter and chose a new girlfriend? He cut contact with his daughter... any new contact needs to be built up slowly for the benefit of the child..

Are you talking about your own experience, or referring to the original posters situation?

I find this mindset worrying, no father walks out on his child, he leaves a relationship that isn't working. Unfortunately, when emotions are running high it might mean that there's a break in contact, to allow for things to settle down. Relationship breakdown is immensely difficult and both parents should separate their issues from the child's needs and not use contact with the child as a form of punishment for the father.

Regardless of the situation between the parents, contact should be encouraged and nurtured between the child and the non resident parent.

In my particular experience, many years ago, when my son’s father left me, I actively encouraged contact, I did most of the traveling to ensure it took place, I made sure it was frequent so our son could build up a solid relationship with his father. It was only until he punched me on the street one day, for nothing, and a member of the public intervened and subsequently the police were called did things progress to a cafcass & contact centre situation. He wasn’t interested in this whatsoever and didn’t bother with him for a year.
A year later he contacted a solicitor for access which I agreed to, only for him not to be bothered within a few weeks. This upset my son very very much for a great length of time.

I wholeheartedly agree that couples who have children should never use the child as a pawn of any kind, they should try their absolute best to maintain and encourage a good relationship with their child and not being in a relationship themselves should not be a factor when making a contact arrangement.

But the feelings of the child have to be considered - dipping in and out of childs life can be just as damaging as having no relationship. My point was, I couldn’t imagine a time when I would ever choose a new partner over the happiness over my son. If I had cut all contact with my son I would expect their primary carer to reintroduce contact to ensure I was serious about maintaining a relationship to ultimately protect my son. It’s not about punishment whatsoever - one could argue that the child was being punished by the father for favouring a new girlfriend. In an ideal world, everyone would put their kids first.

Thanks for the comments, the reasons he has given are complete lies, until he stopped contact we would send each other pictures of our daughter on days out, attend appointments together, text if something was up with her etc. We got on absolutely fine.
I don’t think it’s a case of “he has chose his girlfriend over our daughter” I think it’s more he chose the ultimatum that any parent should never be given, I do think he can’t be alone and does have mental health issues where I think if he lost his girlfriend he would find it very hard, it’s a very strange situation and I personally would never have even entertained someone giving me an ultimatum BUT that’s not my place to judge.

I spoke to cafcass yesterday and she seemed concerned that he has now disconnected his phone and asked if I have a different contact number or address that she could contact him on, I haven’t. She seemed very interested in the mental health issues that he raised on the application about himself. I told her I felt they had no impact on his ability to parent our daughter when he was having contact. My only concern was his lack of regard for our daughters emotional well-being / cutting her out of his life, daily calls etc for the period of time, the phone contact has only been reinstated because I had to literally beg him. I have a feeling the gradual increase in time may be a lot longer than I originally suggested as I feel cafcass are going to want to look further into his mental health issues.

Does anyone know if I can request a copy of his position statement from the court? We were both requested to send one to each other and into the court. He refused to give me an email or postal address for me to send him mine. Ideally I would rather get the emotional upset of reading ( what I’m guessing is going to be him slating time) our the way before the court, see what he wants in regard to contact and if he does actually want a prohibited steps and why. I did email them yesterday but haven’t had a reply, the phone lines are always busy and I don’t think the snow is helping things

If he's not given you an address to send your statement to then i would contact court and ask if sending them your copies for them to forward on is what yu should do.

If you were given a date by which to exchange statements and that has passed then i would contact court and explain you've not received his and you can't send him yours because of no contact address for him.

As soon as we split up my wife seems to have decided I have forfeited all rights to have anything to do with our children. Says the opposite but doesn't do a thing to help and slaps you down if you make an effort. Maybe she's unique but I don't think so.

Suppose there’s some mothers out there who feel that way and also some fathers who feel they no longer need to be a part of their child’s lives.

I recivied his position statement. He is requesting sat 10am - sun 6pm every fortnight and 3 hour’s on his ( the fathers) birthday. That’s all he has asked for.

it's unfortunate, to say the least, that if one of the parents feels wronged and bitter, the only, or easiest way to get back at the other children is to use the children as pawns. It's completely wrong as they children get hurt the most. The best way forward, if it can be done, is to create a parenting plan.