[Solved] child arrangement order/prohibited steps

Hi There,
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There is no issue with you being a mother on here we have a few and also grandparents as well all are welcome and we try and help everyone.
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I think that a judge would look at what you have proposed as a good solid start, and being fair to all involved, I couldn't see any issue with collecting from nursery as long as the staff there are happy to accommodate.
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I would possibly add to the proposal the use of a contact book, to be handed back and fourth between you so that you can add anything that needs to be passed between you. I would also add that you want a contact number as a minimum for your ex and that this phone is always on and not cut off in case of emergencies, add that it wouldn't be used unless it was a last resort, but that you feel that there should be a way of making contact if it was needed.
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The residency side of things I don't have much experience of and hopefully someone will come be online soon and pass some comments on that.
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GTTS

Thank you, the contact book is a very good idea as our daughter can be very unsettled during nightimes still and ideally I would like to know this information, as well as general well being.
I have a feeling if the judge doesn’t give him what he is asking for ( contact with our daughter without myself involved) that he may possibly refuse all contact in general. I don’t think he will send me his position statement so I will be expecting to find out more on the day.
Thanks.

I always struggle to reconcile “I want my child to have a strong relationship with his/her father” with “I’m suggestion they see each other every other week plus a few hours Wednesday night”.

I’m in no doubt that you genuinely want them to have a strong relationship, but are you able to see that as you propose it, it makes it really hard ?

Hi there and welcome to the forum, as GtTS has said all are welcome regardless of gender!

If he wants less than you have proposed then you don't have much to worry about in that regard. Residence and Contact orders have been replaced by Child Arrangements Orders (CAO) and its generally accepted that the child will live with one parent and spend time with the other, and that's usually how it is written in the CAO. Usually the parent the child lives with is stated as the mother and I see no reason why this wouldn't be the case here.

The courts are used to seeing a level of dispute between separated parents, had there not been any you both would have been able to sort out the arrangements between you, without the intervention of the court, so they are used to dealing with this type of situation. Unless allegations are serious and there's a risk to the child, again I don't think you have much to worry about.

It would have been helpful to know what his submitted Prohibited Steps Order (PSO) was for, but you'll find out at the hearing. To answer your question, you can apply for a PSO within the application, this is done by submitting form C2. Alternatively you can wait until the hearing and request verbally that a PSO be included with the CAO to prevent him removing the child from your care, stating your reasons; not knowing his address/lack of communication, his instability and mental health issues.

In my opinion, contact has only been stopped for the last three months, it wouldn't be difficult for your child and her father to pick up their relationship straightaway, once the court have done their welfare checks. Had there been a long period of separation, I could see the sense of a slow return to overnights, I don't see this as necessary here, if you're prepared to compromise, I don't see any reason why you can't reach agreement and the court will assist you to do so.

It's entirely possible to use a third party for handovers, but because of the hostility between you, the court may want you both to attend a SEparated Parents Information Programme (SPIP) in the hope that you can start to put your differences aside for the sake of the child.

You mention that handovers might be at the Nursery, but she doesn't start until September, that's quite a long way off and I would anticipate that contact will restart before that, it might be a good idea to have an alternative such as a family member. You should also consider that his wider family is her family too, and hopefully once everything is sorted out she will be able to form close bonds with all of her wider family on both sides.

With regard to Contact Centres, they serve an important purpose, they are usually welcoming and fully experienced in helping separated families to come together in a safe and non threatening environment. I really wouldn't worry if you have need of their services, your child will be treated sympathetically and with care.

My proposal is interim, I’ve added dates that around initially 4 weeks, then building up to 6 weeks with longer periods of contact then building up to every other weekend Friday - Monday alternate Wednesday from school until Thursday morning to school and half of all school holidays. He is more than welcome to more, he can have our daughter whenever he wishes BUT at this very point in time they need to rebuild their relationship, the short periods of time are purely for my daughters emotional well-being

Thank you, to address some points,
I personally have no issues with my daughters father collecting or dropping to and from myself. It is him that doesn’t want to do so, hence why I mentioned the Nursery from September.
My position statement states I would like contact to resume from the 21/3/2018, the first hearing is the 19/3/18.

I personally feel my daughter needs time to rebuild her relationship with her father before sleeping at a property with his new partner and also her family whom she has never met, I would prefer her to have the time to establish relationships with these people and become familiar to the new environment without having all that change in one hit..... Is that unfair to ask??

The contact my daughters father was previously having was Wednesday 4.30pm - Thursday 7am then Friday 5.30pm - Saturday 5.30pm. 1 full week per year! This was all he wanted and felt I was asking too much of him when suggesting anymore.

The PSO I will verbally mention at the hearing.

Thank you.

My remarks concerning the father daughter relationship are valid, if you hadnt seen your child for just a few months, would you consider that your relationship had been broken, or would you consider that your bond was strong enough to allow for that relationship to resume without too much having been lost?

However on the point you make about your childs well being and getting to know the gfs family and new environment, that is a valid point and one that I'm pretty sure the court would agree with.

I agree with what you are saying and can see your point completely.
I guess I am worried about my daughter and how she will feel, I don’t see how the Wednesday or Friday contact can be resumed as normal as that would mean her sleeping at the new property, the only contact that could be resumed from the previous arrangement we mutually had would be Saturday until 5.30 if no overnight stays were initiated straight away. I feel with that in mind what I have offered is more than fair, I am happy for him to have her Saturday and Sunday every weekend until overnight contact resumes but once she starts full time school I think alternate is fair for both of us.
He may suprise me with his position statement and what he would in regards to contact but we will see. I hope he does if I’m honest because our daughter deserves to have a her father in her life.

I understand your concern, but children are more resilient than we often give them credit for, the court will also have your child's best interests in mind and will take on board any concerns you have and will look to progress things at a pace that will be acceptable to you all.

In my opinion, your case is relatively straight forward and with a little compromise on both sides, should be sorted out relatively quickly.

Best of luck

I’m happy to compromise. Hopefully with the phone contact she will be happy to see him, he had his 3rd phone contact with her today, for the second time she refused to speak so he hung up without reassuring her that it’s ok or even saying bye

He walked out on his daughter and chose a new girlfriend? He cut contact with his daughter... any new contact needs to be built up slowly for the benefit of the child..