[Solved] Cheated

Hi,

Welcome. Sorry to hear about your bombshell i guess it must have come as a great shock . 🙁 This forum is a friendly place and has been a real help to me in a difficult time. I hope you find it as helpful in you current situation.

I don't have any experience of what you are going through so can't really help except to offer support. On reading your post my first thought was to think carefully before you let her take the kids. This will be disruptive for them in an already difficult time. As well the system favours resident parents and you may find yourself battling to have the level of contact you and they want at some point in the future if this happens.

MH

Hi there and welcome to the Forum 🙂

I think you need to think very carefully now, particularly as your head will be all over the place, it's not the right time to make decisions that will have long term effects on you and the children.

It might be better for the kids to stay in the family home, if she wants to leave there's nothing you can do about that, but the disruption to the kids if they have to deal with your break up and a move to somewhere unfamiliar will be a lot for them to deal with. She may even be planning to move the other man in and this would be unfair to the children too IMO.

You could use Mediation to try and sort things out, you are vulnerable at the moment and she may try and railroad you into agreeing to things that later on you wish you hadn't.

At the end of the day she is the one in the wrong, she is the one that wants to leave, you can't stop her from leaving but as MH has said,I wouldn't allow her to take the children too.

Best of luck and we are here for you...if you have any questions it might be better to post in the Legal Eagle section as that is the busiest section on the forum and you are likely to get more replies there.

Hi Gutted,
I can understand something of your pain as I went through a similar situation starting in July last year (Facebook, Cheating, Wife Leaving for new man, kids, family home etc). I agree with the posters above, your priority in this situation should be keeping the children in the family home with you. I believe in my situation that this was the difference between my continuing to function over the last 8 months and being dad to my to boys, and having some kind of breakdown. In the early days it was my responsibility for the boys that stopped me from doing something stupid (if I'm honest, I resented it at times), and busying myself supporting them, building a new family unit, and having to think about the future has all been a great help. Why does she feel she has the right to move the children? Why do you? Because our culture says so? If I ran off with a woman I met on facebook why does it seem outrageous to suggest I take the children with me? My ex made a choice to do things the way she did, to leave and set up with someone else, if she cares about your children she should support the idea of the minimum disruption for them. Hope I don't sound like some crazy misogynist, but what you do now will have a huge impact later. When you are in the emotional swirl that inevitably follows such a bombshell you need to separate emotional pain and rational thinking. I found that every few days I had a meltdown (crying, pacing, sad songs etc), but in between I learnt about the law, arranged buying her out, drew up a separation agreement, changed bank accounts etc. Please Gutted, don't float through the mess she's created in a dream state and give up your rights as a dad while you have a chance to build a future that works for you. I know you won't feel like it but now is the time to get busy, your wife is at the start of something new and exciting for her, that's painful for you I know (I still struggle with the whole idea), but you need to keep yourself together and focus on what's right for your children and you. Wishing you well,
CW70

Thanks for replies, hard to imagine there are so many men in this position, it's so unfair. Wife has again told me there's no way this marriage can be saved, other man no where to b seen. Phone contact only. You would have thought he would have driven the 2 hour journey to be with the woman he loves to offer comfort wouldn't you? Anyway wife has set wheels in motion to rent property in our area, wants me to stay in the family home ( with out family) my only hope is she's true to her word, we really don't want this to get spiteful. Although I'm still incredibly angry and hurt. I'm so tired of crying at the drop of a hat.

Amongst the excellent point above is something we often forget to advise, and that's to sort out your bank accounts to make sure she doesn't clean you out - you can leave the joint account if there is one, but make sure you have a sole account and that any money that is yours goes into that (including any share of the joint account).

Amongst the excellent point above is something we often forget to advise, and that's to sort out your bank accounts to make sure she doesn't clean you out - you can leave the joint account if there is one, but make sure you have a sole account and that any money that is yours goes into that (including any share of the joint account).

actd is right, better to be sure.