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Long story,.. Seperated 7 years with no formal contact arrangement with my 10 year old daughter. In the past year I have seen her on 64% of days, not overnight on all occasions but basically whenever I possibly can. I am lucky. I live locally and work at home. The contact is not in a strict pattern and is controlled by the ex. She decides what happens and when, to suit her. She is difficult to communicate with, everything is fine as long as we are doing it her way. I feel I am taking a huge risk but i want to formalise things to stop the manipulation, constant communication and stress. Going to mediation soon to request strict 50/50. I feel that I have kicked a wasps nest and all [censored] has broken loose. I'm seeing less of her now. I don't have any expectation of a positive outcome. I am full of doubt, stress, anxiety. Any advise?
Unfortunately, anything you do to disrupt her control is going to get a bad reaction - there is nothing you can do really (other than backing down, which will put you in a much worse position) but hopefully mediation may be as far as you need to go, and it can be sorted there.
hi,
from my experience as soon as you start to take control away from your ex, she will only get worse and make your life more difficult. you are better off going all the way to court. you should have your child overnight. its both of your rights. main reason why i went to court in first place because all overnights were denied.
You need a court order for e.g Every other weekend 5pm Friday-Sun 17.00 then you can sleep better long term hopefully
Hi, I agree with the other comments made. I put up with years of being told when, where and how much - ultimately playing subservient / accommodating only collapsed my self esteem while feeding her ego and contempt. Eventually, I had no choice but to start proceedings as her behavior and attitude had gone off the charts, and things did become even more difficult and stressful in the short term. The main regret I have is I waited so long to go to court. The Judge brushed all her arguments aside (and believe me, she threw in everything including the kitchen sink) and defined the times our son spends with each of us. I know exactly when my son is with me, so I can plan ahead for the whole year including school holidays and possible trips abroad with him, which I couldn't before the Court Order.
One thing to bear in mind is your daughter is of an age for a court to also consider her wishes. My son was only 4 when our court case came up, so that wasn't a factor, but if it happened now, I would have some anxiety about his mum manipulating him, though as he has a sense of sharing and fair play, I believe I would be able to keep him on this page.
Good luck.
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