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Hi
I have 2 children to my ex wife and we have been divorced for 5 years now. She is a solicitor and my children reside with her.
We had a very messy break up and at the time of our break up I met my partner and whilst we were going through our divorce she stopped contact, wouldn’t let me see the kids for weeks on end. I would go to collect them and she wouldn’t be there for me to collect them.
My relationship with my partner continued and my partner was recovering from 12 months of chemotherapy and amazingly fell pregnant. My ex wife became very jealous and accused her of harassment, sending her faeces in the post. My fiancé lives 3 hours away so we don’t see each other during the week only if weekends. My ex and kids live where I work. None of these allegations were true. 2 months before my partner gave birth to our beautiful daughter my ex accused her of hitting my daughter 6 months previous when she last seen them. None of this was ever brought up before and my ex had never ever mentioned anything before. My 2 children loved my partner and had only met her in a handful of occasions due to the ongoing feud and problems with the ex wife, she stayed out the way and said as long as your seeing the kids that’s all that matters.
With the ex being a solicitor she new what strings to pull. We went to court she got an order drew up so my partner could not see the kids and only I could see them twice a week and of a weekend. I have been seeing the kids more during the week and less of a weekend so I can see my partner and daughter who live away while I work away. I go home to them of a weekend. In between all of this my ex wife has tried everything in her power to keep the kids away from my partner and sibling.
Cafcass were involved in the court hearing and my partner made statements of the 3 occasions she had met the kids and hat had happened on them days however, we still didn’t get what we wanted in court.
The ex wife said she is never to see the kids however she has now moved on and got a new husband but still insists on using the court order as and when she needs it. If it suits her it will change. My partner now feels she and my daughter can never have a relationship with my other children as she wouldn’t be comfortable and she would be afraid of being accused of hitting a child again. My fiancé works with children and is a kind and loving person and has a fabulous reputation.
The ex over the last 5/6 years has changed the court if she’s wanted something but if my partner has visited me or come to stay she has stopped contact or my partner has gone out the house so my children can visit. I think this is now wholly wrong as my kids are used as bate.
I have told her I’m going to court to apply for the order to be abolished as she doesn’t stick to the order and only uses it when she sees fit. She said she will amend it but we need to go to mediation. I physically do not want to sit in a room with her. Can I just fill in a C100 form and apply to the court myself . She is a solicitor and seems to think it can’t be abolished
Thanks in advance
Hi
Not sure what you mean by abolished......you can apply to vary but you will have to attempt mediation before you can do that. It doesn't necessarily mean that you have to attend mediation with your ex, but you will have to attend the solo MIAM appointment in order to get the form signed off. I'm sure if you explain everything to the mediator, they will deem your situation unsuitable for mediation and sign off for you.
In legal terms, the order stands unless you vary it. If you choose not to take up contact, that is your decision and wouldn't mean you were in breach.
Hi
I meant being abolished by getting rid of the order altogether or is that not possible?she doesn’t stick to it and doesn’t enforce it unless my partner is visiting which is very rearwlt as she stays away from the situation incase she is accused of anything.
So are you saying the order can only be amended until the kids are older.
Sorry mate to ask I don’t know ant to waste anymore money on courts and solicitors. I’d rather spend it on my kids
Cheers
Hi
I meant being abolished by getting rid of the order altogether or is that not possible?she doesn’t stick to it and doesn’t enforce it unless my partner is visiting which is very rare as she stays away from the situation incase she is accused of anything.
So are you saying the order can only be amended until the kids are older.
Sorry mate to ask I don’t know ant to waste anymore money on courts and solicitors. I’d rather spend it on my kids
What is MIAM?
Cheers
The order would need to be varied, they can't just say the order doesn't exist, as where does that leave contact anyway - it would mean you ex could simply withhold contact altogether and there would be nothing you could do about it. Getting it varied means that you have an order that more suits your situation now, and I would hope that a court would want your children to meet each other, and on that basis, your partner would have to be there.
MIAM is mediation.
You really need to get the mediator to sign a court form for you so that you can apply for variation. The court won't like her controlling things in this way and the best thing for the kids is getting an order that best meets their needs.
What were you wanting to achieve by getting rid of the order? I'm assuming you still want a relationship with your children, and as you work away and only see your partner and other child at weekends, it's unreasonable to ask you to spend time with your oldest child at the expense of your partner and your youngest child. I would also argue that your children are also entitled to develop a relationship as siblings.
A variation would allow you to ask the court to take these developments into account and make a fresh order that's more appropriate. Don't let your ex continue to,bully you and your partner.... it's in your children's interests to have an order for you all to spend quality time together.
Best of luck
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