[Solved] Can't believe it...

Morning othen,

Thanks again for your advice, like I said before she has now taken my daughters phone off her so we can't even communicate through WhatsApp, one of the last messages my daughter sent me on the 15th Dec was that mommy has told her she wouldn't be safe, so she is already trying to get in our girls little head, luckily enough my daughter told me she is lying because she doesn't want me to see you, that's my daughters words!

I'm trying to keep focused I am eating as I know I need all my strength but the emotional side is what is getting to me, often when I'm alone I break down thinking of my little princess, and now I'm starting to worry about the financial impact it's going to take..I've already paid my solicitor over 1400 pounds and now she wants another 600 to represent me on the first hearing!!

I'm trying to stay positive but is rather difficult as I don't know what her next move will be...

Cheers

Good afternoon Pricey39,

I'm afraid this will be an expensive business for you both financially and (even more so) emotionally. I think my final tally was £8,500, and bear in mind that did not even get as far as court (my son's mother relented about the shared residency business literally at the 11th hour in the corridor outside the magistrates' chamber). Plenty of people advised me to represent myself, and in hindsight I probably could have, but with no experience of courts I was loath to risk getting something wrong for my son's sake. More taxing than the money was the emotional drain: I can honestly say I was at the very limit of my emotional reserves, it was worse than being in battle with a very real risk of unpleasant death.

Was it worth it? My son is 11 now, and spends virtually half his time with me. He is happily playing Minecraft on his gaming PC in the study with me as I type this. He is happy, well adjusted and doing very well at school, so yes, it was worth it. It will seem a long way off, but concentrate on the green fields far away.

Good fortune,

O

I dont have a great deal to add other than this is a well trodden path as previously stated. Without turning this into a thread about me, the stories dont seem to ever change, I mean those ex's that dont do not have their ex's on public forums exasperated and seeking advice.

Its [censored] awful.

The comments about CMS are a bit misleading in my opinion, Im no expert but Ive spoke with them a lot recently.

CAFCASS-Welfare bill down by CMS = nonesense in my opinion.

CAFCASS are biased and really do mistake whats said, imagine its your worst enemy on the phone! Dont over explain anything as it will be seen as issue.

If you didnt see your child you would still have to pay CMS, it isnt an option so their recommendations have very little bearing on that.

You said £342 a month. If you never saw your daughter again you'd pay the same.

It gets reduced on shared care arrangements which ONLY include overnights. I have my child 8am-6pm and receive no reduction. If sleeps over = reduction.

Each overnight leads to a one seventh reduction, although my new figure is still a little baffling and only about £35 a month reduction for an overnight! and a full day each week.

There is also the 25% rule.

For illustration purposes;

Say you pay £300 a month.
You earn £400 a week.
For the £300 figure to change, you have to earn less than £300 a week or MORE than £500 a week. If this happens and you dont inform them, this is fine-able up to £1000 - however if the other parent doesnt inform they're sleeping over = "both your responsibility".

If you're paying £342 a month "full whack" theoretically your financial obligation is met and she should provide everything for the child to visit you (according to the CMS) clearly this is not enforceable and thus, like me, you'll end up providing financial support AND paying for when they're with you. Whilst she can claim all benefit and tax credit as the £342 is not declared as income.

Thanks twisted,

But don't even get me started with the cms, when I actually spoke to them I stated I wanted my daughter overnight twice weekly amd in fact it's her who is stopping me, fully aware she would lose money...

The response I got off the chap on the end of the phone was quite staggering..

It's your responsibility to provide for your daughter and therefore shouldn't even challenge the amount you are going to pay!!! So if your not happy I suggest you go and see your local mp..

Isn't it my responsibility to care,nourish, show effectiion learn and develop as my daughter grows, isn't it my responsibility to make sure she is safe and happy, personally I thinkso but because the mother has all the power I'm not allowed to do so!

My daughter wants to see and spend time with me and because of a mother who holds all the cards and says no that's final..

Woman are quick enough to jump on the band wagon for equality equal pay etc but when father's expect to be treated as equals equality goes out the window...it's a sad society we live in today..

Where's the justice in that?.

Sack off the Solicitor there really is no point at all in having one you will get the same result if you go LIP or are represented you will almost certainly get to be part of your childs life it just takes forever. 🙂

You will gain more respect off the Judges, it won't financially ruin you I've ended up with 50/50 shared care doing it off my own bat and the pride and sense of achievement in fighting for your child and getting what they deserve is awesome but be prepared the real hard work starts once the courts is over.

Slim 🙂