[Solved] Can my daughter stay overnight with her Gran?

Has your ex said anything to raise concern or are you concerned re sticking to the letter of the guidelines?

Do you have 50/50 order?

My concern is more that it's becoming one rule for me and another for her. For example, when my daughter is with me, she has told me that I can't take our daughter in any shops (not that I want to right now, if I can help it, but what if I absolutely need to) or around to anyone's house (but she can now go into her granny's home...). I'm also not allowed to get in a taxi with our daughter (I don't drive, and at some point we are going to have to). My daughter has been told to keep 2m distance from my family if we meet them in the park, for example, but this rule doesn't seem to apply to my ex's family. On top of this, my ex took our daughter to the BLM protest in the city centre where there were hundreds of people. I'm all for the BLM cause, but along with everything else, my ex is being very hypocritical.

I am aware that my mum, dad, my grandparents, etc, are all eager to see my daughter again. My dad and my sister have once in the park briefly before I started raining. And I can see my ex using excuses like this to exclude them and priorities contact with her side of the family (this is generally the case). So just trying to get a better grasp of the guidelines right now so I know what my rights are and when I can actually just ignore my ex's rules and demands, because I have the law on my side.

We don't have a 50/50 order. I have our daughter 3 days a week and holidays are shared equally. I really want to avoid court right now as they are so busy, and the court process tends to make me very unwell (I have a condition that is worsened by stress like that), which I could do without on top of everything else.

Hi

Sorry to hear re stress etc. It cant be easy.

As it stands as you dont have 50/50 order your ex can make the primary decisions day to day including whether to ignore government advice etc. No one will hold her to account and you would struggle to enforce anything, nor have any actual evidence to highlight any breaking of guidelines etc.

I would guess based on your history with your ex that emotionally it must be very frustrating seeing what's happening and how hypocritical she is and the impact it will have on you and your family and so you want to do something about it.

However in my opinion by raising anything or applying to court will only antagonize your ex and potentially she may cut off your existing contact. Which would be worse than your current concerns and it could be a few months before you can get into court to look at things further.

The guidelines are being revised all the time, they will soon allow your child to see your family, allow you to go to the shops and into a taxi. In the meantime enjoy the time that you spend together, the weather will be sunny again so you and your parents can all spend time together with your child outdoors.

It is frustrating but save your energy for much bigger battles which based on everyone's experience you will defo have in the future.

Talk to your daughter and explain why she cant hug your parents (nicely) etc who knows she may tell your ex herself that she's upset she cant hug them and wants too and your ex may concede.

My ex breached all guidelines but when she allowed the kids to see me they were wearing masks. I couldn't hear what they were saying and they couldn't kiss me which led to tears with my youngest. We were at the park, they were running around, it was 25C and they got too warm. They asked me if they could take off their masks as they couldnt breathe and were too hot. I told them it was up to them (I knew they would take it off), they took off masks cooled down and gave me a kiss. If ex raised it I'd say I left it to the kids.

Good luck with things and stay positive.

(Not sure if you have inadvertently added your childs name into your post, you may want to ask a mod to edit the post)..

hi semi,

covid19 has made people very paranoid and irrational. all the restaurants, shops, hotels & theme parks have re-opened for business. as we know those ex's like to exert control over us, so this lockdown presented the perfect opportunity for them to exert more control when our kids are staying with us. there's nothing wrong with taking kids to the shops. what if they need new clothes?

taking taxi is prob higher risk. may be safer to take bus.

my ex kept kids away from me for 3 months. and main reason is being we both live with elderly/vulnerable mothers. then she said now gov guidelines say we can have support bubble between 2 households. so then normal contact began resuming again. sometimes I am careful as i know ex fishes info out of kids when they go back. she will prob cry if i take kids to seaside next week. i don't care. as long as we take precautions and follow distancing rules outside, should be ok. need to make the most of the summer 8) covid19 will still be around next year.

Agree with Bill.

One thing I always try to keep in mind is what is the risk of doing something that could lead to contact being stopped totally and then having to go via the courts which could take 8 to 12 weeks.. Or contact restarts just b4 Court hearing but contact has been lost for a few weeks.

Only you know your ex to decide whether to go against her wishes even if it is within the guidelines/legislation..

Its not easy, as fathers we get screwed at every opportunity.

yes its risky. ex told me if i am breaking lockdown rules, or if covid cases rise in our area, she will stop contact.

Hello semifinalist87,

The days and times your Daughter is with you as stipulated in the Court Order you can do and go where you please as long as it is within the coronavirus guidelines. Your Ex cannot demand or dictate what you do in your contact time.

You can both go together into a shop, wearing a mask and keeping two metres distance between those around you.

You can take your daughter in a taxi if you both sit in the back of the vehicle and wear face masks.

I believe after yesterday's P.M.'s broadcast you can still go to a friend or relatives house if there are no more than 6 people in total present.

As for your Daughter wearing a face mask when on her own with you or your immediate family, I don't believe that is mandatory or necessary (unless someone is unwell then you wouldn't be mixing with them anyway).

When your Daughter is with your Ex, her Mother is the one in control and the only thing you can do is keep a diary of what you consider she does which you deem to be unacceptable for your Daughter.

Hi, some time has passed since I started this thread, and I am now pretty much doing whatever I want/need to do with my daughter, as long as it is within the guidelines. I've been using taxis with my daughter when needed, going in to shops with her when needed, etc. I even took her to stay with my mum towards the end of the summer, travelling up in my sister's car. I just told my ex that it was all within the guidelines, as long as we are being sensible about it, and she just had to lump it. She's not best pleased, but I think she knows she doesn't have a leg to stand on if she tried to fight it and prevent contact from taking place. Especially when she's been taking my daughter for play dates in the park with friends and letting my daughter hold hands with the other children. Or taking my daughter out and about when she was meant to be self-isolating whilst awaiting Covid test results.

Hello semifinalist87,

Apologizes, I didn't realize your thread was over 2 months old when I wrote my message yesterday. I took note of the time the previous messenger posted which was just two hours before me.

I'm very pleased to read that matters have improved for you and that you have confidently taken back control and doing what you and your Daughter wish to do.

yes its risky. ex told me if i am breaking lockdown rules, or if covid cases rise in our area, she will stop contact.

It is within the rules for children to be able to move between parents where they live apart. Here is an extract from the .gov website:

You can leave home for education related to the formal curriculum or training, registered childcare, under-18 sport and physical activity, and supervised activities for children that are necessary to allow parents/carers to work, seek work, or undertake education or training. Parents can still take their children to school, and people can continue existing arrangements for contact between parents and children where they live apart. This includes childcare bubbles.

There are also special rules for single parents with a child under 5. It is all a bit complicated but the basis is that contact between separated parents is still allowed.