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Hi
I’m writing this on behalf of a dear friend of mine.
He left his ex a few months ago. They have a beautiful baby girl together who means everything to him.
His ex has made very serious allegations of domestic violence and child neglect after the break up to stop him having any contact whatsoever. It’s all lies.
We already presume this will be going down the route of a fact finding hearing at some point because everything is contested. The very first court hearing is a few weeks away
Cafcass rang him for safeguarding interview. And he’s been worried sick since, because of something he foolishly said. Cafcass lady asked if there was alcohol or drugs during the relationship. He’s never drank so that isn’t a problem, and he told her truthfully there was never any drugs used during their relationship.
But he foolishly said he very occasionally smokes cannabis on social occasions. He made it out that it was like 1-2 joints a year just at work Xmas parties etc which it normally would have been. We dont know exactly what his ex is going to allege in court but she knows he very occasionally used to smoke before he met her. So he just wanted to be upfront in case she alleged it however up until now as far as he knows she hasn’t alleged it to the police or Cafcass as far as we know. No doubt her position will change if Cafcass mention it. During their relationship he didn’t smoke anything at all, and everyone who knows him know that in the future he is responsible enough to never smoke in any child’s presence and especially when his own daughter was in his care.
He’s now worried sick that Cafcass will include this in their safeguarding letter and request drugs testing. He already knows he will fail it if they do. He’s been denied all parental responsibility/contact with the child for over 4 months and over that time he’a been smoking between half a joint and one joint a day most evenings to keep him from breaking down with everything that’s gone on and to help him to sleep. He’s stopped since last week and knows he can’t again now. He’s not addicted to it so it’s not a problem for him to stop. And he knows his daughter is too important to him. He also has a full time job and it has never affected his ability to work or function as a normal guy.
He feels like he’s made things so much worse for himself and wishes he’d just said no I don’t do any drugs, and deal with any allegations if and when his ex accused him of it. But not knowing what she’s gonna allege at court he was in two minds and wanted to cover himself by being upfront in case she did.
What do you think Cafcass/the court will do about it? And what would be your advice on how to approach any more questions which he now feels will be asked by the judge and Cafcass? He’s prepared to do drugs tests in the future, especially in the future but like I said we know if he is asked to do one immediately after the first hearing he will fail it. He’ll pass it if it can somehow be delayed until mid March. He’s obviously going to tell the court the truth about never smoking it while he was with his ex, but should he say he had two joints - one at a Xmas party and one on another social occasion at beginning of November. (We know he can probably get 6 weeks clear if they ask for it at the hearing in January and he delays it until the last moment if they give him 4 weeks to get it done). He’l obviously emphasise that he’s been open and upfront about it and volunteered the information himself to Cafcass, and would never allow it to affect his parenting ability and doesn’t ever intend to smoke again. And will mention his full time work and normal life otherwise.
Will this affect the way he is perceived in fact finding hearing if he can provide clean drugs tests by then?
Any advice would be really really appreciated. Thank you in an advance.
I would say that he doesn't need to worry about it. He needs to be totally honest with cafcass, but if he only uses it a couple of times a year, to be honest I would suggest that he really does make a commitment never to use it again. He could certainly volunteer a hair strand test (don't get hair cut beforehand) ahead of a court hearing to head off anything his ex may try to pull.
Cafcass are very likely to mention it in their safeguarding letter.
He didn’t have to tell CAFCASS about his recreational use, it shows him to be honest in my opinion and he should make a point of mentioning that if need be.
It would be a good idea for him to prepare a brief position statement to take with him to the hearing, just a couple of pages to give a little more background and what he would like the court to do. Depending on what CAFCASS say in the S2 letter, he could also mention that he wanted to be completely honest with the court and give assurances that his use is only occasional, that he holds down a full time job and would never smoke prior or during time spent with his child, who is his priority.
As far as a fact finding, slow down, it’s better not to think too far ahead... one steady step at a time, deal with things as they happen. It does no good to fret over things that haven’t happened yet!
All the best
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