Welcome to the DAD.Info forum: Important Information β open to read:
Our forum aims to provide support and guidance where it can, however we may not always have the answer. The forum is not moderated 24 hours a day, so If you β or someone you know β are being harmed or in immediate danger of being harmed, call the police on 999.
Alternatively, if you are in crisis, please call Samaritans on 116 123.
If you are worried about you or someone you know is at risk of harm, please click here: How we can help
I don't know where to start, and the nature of my problems is just sick I need help but I'm getting no where fast please some one help.
It all started a week before Christmas 2011 I went to work no issues at home said good bye to my 3 beautiful daughters and then my wife only when my day was about to finish I got a call from child protection services telling me my ex wife and kids were safe and a police officer would come to see me 3 days later with no new info two plain clothed women officers turned up at my house.
They placed me under arrest and took me to the. Local police station where 1 account of child abuse was claimed I felt sick it didn't feel real my ex had some how managed to get it into her head that I had touched my middle daughter and apparently my daughter who was 2 yrs old had come out with it my world crushed and I fell apart but believed the truth would come out and it would soon be a distant nightmare however one month later a second allegation this time from my oldest daughter who was 3 had emerged again I was brought in questioned and released no charge but on bail this went on for six months by
Now suicide was my only option I was in the worse nightmare you could ever imagine my 3 daughters were my life I can't even put into words how I was feeling I ended up losing 5 stone in just over a month I was drinking and didn't dare to go outside I was in [censored] 6 months had passed before I got the call from
The police stating it was all over the courts had threw it out I was never charged or even went to court yet in the eyes of the law I was guilty I was as is everyone since that scum bag Ian Huntly now on a profiling register and on any enhanced CRB it would appear :" an allegation of sexual assault to a minor" I felt sick,
It
It took another 6 months before I started to get my life back
Even then I struggled day to day eventually I got a new girlfriend
It started very slowly I told her of. What my ex had done and she was very patient with me she had children slightly older 14,12,8 and had no concerns one day two social services and police officers turned up at her. Door while I was visiting for the weekend told me I had to leave otherwise the children would be taken into protective custody when I asked why they told us of an allegation made by my ex to the nspc so I left and that was the end of that I just couldn't cope, well I started seeing a councillor for my depression and anxiety attacks which were set off at the sight of the police I eventually got back into work and have met some one else again she has kids well at our age most women have I'm 40 so once again I told her everything and once again she was. In disbelief it's been a yr now and everything was going well I've blocked my ex on everything as she was targeting my friends on face book telling them I was a peadophille And I was on the sexual register which is untrue my way of coping has been to morn the deaths of my girls as for me to even think about them breaks me I still break down I tears when alone I don't know where they are, or even if they are safe my ex was very unstable always paranoid I thought it was just post natal depression but I've found out since she had accused her ex husband of something what I don't know yet still the police are not interested my defence case was solid and I would of won but as I never went to court it was never heard I've managed to get on day by day by trying to forget which believe me is not easy however last week the CSA wrote to me seems she now wants child maintenance so now I have not only got to finance her life style but have a constant reminder I have three beautiful daughters which I will probably never see, so now I'm back at square one only this time I don't think I can cope anymore.
The only option I can see is suicide the only reason I never went through with it last time was I couldn't allow my little girls to grow up thinking they were to blame cause I know their mother will never accept it was her who manufactured the lies I have lost everything I have nothing more to lose my new girlfriend and her kids are wonderful but I feel like a burden now and they don't need this they deserve much more........
Hi sye
...my heart goes out to you. Believe it or not this isn't the first time I have read a post like this, where an ex has made terrible accusations that have caused untold distress to the accused, that have later been thrown out of court.... I completely understand how low you must be feeling and I am glad you chose to post here and share how you're feeling with us.
Please don't think you have no other options, and you were right the last time when you considered ending it all, your girls may grow up to blame themselves.
Please keep talking to us, we are a friendly bunch and we will do our best to support you...have you talked to your girlfriend about how low you are feeling? Or can you speak to a close family member?
Please keep posting sye
First and foremost mate give the samaritans a call trust me they are great I was in exactly the same position as you and wanted to commit suicide please believe me man when I say there is light at the end of the tunnel these feeling WILL pass.
Secondly please think of your Girls I'm sure they think the world of their Dad and it will ruin their lives if you take your own life they are always going to need their father, you have to get through this for their sakes.
You will find if you have a read of some of the posts on this site it is very common for the ex to make all sorts of accusations up to stop you from seeing your children I've not seen my Girls for 8 months now it's tragic.
As Nanny Jane said we are all here for you on this site, Dad info saved my life if I'm honest please keep posting dude and take care.
Slim π
Hi sye,
Welcome to DAD.
Wow, you have gone through so much in the last couple of years. No wonder that you are feeling so low at the moment.
my new girlfriend and her kids are wonderful but I feel like a burden now and they don't need this they deserve much more.
I'm sure your girlfriend doesn't think of you as a burden. She wouldn't started a relationship with you if you were a burden.I also imagine that her kids have now started to build a relationship with you as well.
It is great that after all you have been through you are able to trust someone enough to build a relationship with them and their kids.
It sounds like the letter from the Child Maintenance Service has brought everything flooding back. All the bad memories about what you have been through and the fact that you haven't seen your daughters. I can understand why this would have knocked you for six.......
It is obvious that you care about your daughters and it is understandable that you are feeling sad at the moment.
If you are feeling suicidal then please contact the Samaritans. You can remain anonymous and chat through your feelings with them. You can call them at any time on 08457 90 90 90 there is someone available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.
The most important thing at the moment is help get yourself feeling a little better. You need to make an appointment to see your GP as soon as possible to talk through how you are feeling and see if they are able to help you sort your low mood.
Could you reply on this thread please so that we know that you are ok.
Thanks
Keep talking
Gooner.
Hi thanks for your kind words of support, yes I've just spoken to my girlfriend and I have her full support, suicide is not on the cards I was just low and upset, some times I can't see the wood for the trees all I want is my little girls back in my life my girlfriend is more than willing to help me fight for them but how is it even possible when the system is so one sided I've been on the phone to the child maintenance people who have told me them taking money off me has nothing to do with contact, with no free aid to help and rising costs of this CSA how am I able to fund a solicitor to sort contact is there any help or am I another victim of this corrupt man hating system
Thanks mate I just hit a low point I'm now turning my hurt to anger I will fight on but I'm scared of what lies ahead my girlfriend has told me she will stand by my side but I'm afraid of the negative attention this will bring to the whole family when or if courts etc start being involved
Hi Sye,
Thanks for responding. I can imagine why everything feels so stacked against you.
The Child Maintenance Service are correct access and maintenance are two different things legally.
As for access, you don't need a solicitor - you can represent yourself in court. Many site members have done this and will be able to offer advice to you regarding the process. We have many useful threads on our legal eagle board (for example Guide to representing yourself in court.)
We can also get you some free child law advice from our partners at the Coram Children's Legal Centre.
If you are concerned about how to deal with social services regarding the false allegations that have been made and how you can work with them to enable you to get access to your daughters than our friends at the Family Rights Group can help you with advice and support regarding how you can work with Children's Services to try to accomplish a positive outcome.
The thing to remember is that you are not alone. It sounds as if your new partner will be a tower of strength and support for you and we are also here to offer advice, support and (whenever you want) somewhere to vent your frustrations (and celebrate successes).
This won't be a quick process but our members of the DAD community will be more than happy to share the journey with you.
Welcome aboard.
Gooner.
Thanks for coming back to us sye, I am so relieved that you have spoken to your girlfriend and are feeling more able to cope now...often just opening up about these things can help. I can only echo Goonerplums words, we will do all we can to help you.
NJ x
I'm now turning my hurt to anger I will fight on but I'm scared of what lies ahead my girlfriend has told me she will stand by my side but I'm afraid of the negative attention this will bring to the whole family when or if courts etc start being involved
Feeling apprehensive about the negative attention is perfectly normal - wow Sye after everything that was slung at you in the past it is no wonder you are a little afraid. I'm sure I would be in your situation. It's great that your partner is prepared to support you through this, it's great to have someone who believes in you, isn't it.
The first thing you need to do is sort out maintenance for your daughters. If the CMS is involved then you need to get on the Direct Pay scheme. We have details about the Child Maintenance Service here. Don't think about maintenance as helping to support your ex's lifestyle rather think about it as helping to support your daughters. If you want a rough idea of how much you should/will be paying then you can use this maintenance calculator.
Gooner
Hey mate glad you're feeling a little better now this whole process is such a roller coaster up one minute down in the dumps the next once you get a plan of action together you will feel loads better utilise this site and the others GP has suggested and if you decide to go it alone without a solicitor go for it, I'm so pleased I did the system sucks and it's an up hill battle but it's strangely empowering fighting for my Girls I'm so pleased I didn't get a solicitor even Dads with representation are no further on with their case than me.
Glad you're sounding more upbeat π
Slim π
Thanks to all of you I promise to keep you all up to date with the success I will have and I never thought I could speak for myself in court to be honest that's the best news yet my mrs just said with my mouth I should be able to win not sure what's she is trying to say lol but really thanks ever so much bless you all
Sye, check your private messages π
Welcome to the DAD.info forum.
We donβt like to set βrulesβ, but to make sure that you and the other dads are kept safe, we have some requests. When engaging with the forum, please be aware of the following:
- The forum is not moderated 24 hours per day.
- Many of the moderators do so on a voluntary basis. Whilst they may be able to provide some guidance, advice or support, they may not be able to deal with specifics.
- We are not an emergency crisis service so if you or someone else is in immediate danger, please call emergency services.
- If you are concerned about the safety of a child, please click here to find the support you can get for them (link to new page)
- If you are in crisis, please call Samaritans on 116 123. They are open 24 hours a day, 7 days per week.
We hope you find this forum a supportive environment and thank you for joining us.