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Hi,
Im new to this so please excuse me if my etiquate is not always right. It is looking more than likely that I am going to have to seperate from my wife. I dont want too because of the kids and how it will effect them but the physcological abuse my wife is putting me through is getting too much to handle. Can any of you point me in the right direction to people that can help me do this as less hurtful as possible?
Help Much appreciated.
Hi,
Firstly sorry to hear about you relationship troubles. I know from fairly recent experience how difficult it can be in your situation.
There is a section on this site that may help
http://www.dad.info/divorce-and-separation
Have you told your wife how you feel? Have you tried relate or other forms of counseling? If not please try these before anything else. I can speak from experience to say if you can stay with your wife then in my opinion that is the best thing. Of course this requires your relationship to change with your wife to a point you no longer feel like you do.
Talking and agreeing things between the 2 of you is in my opinion the best and least hurtful way of resolving this.
If after this you feel separation is the best thing then plan this carefully. The minute you leave the family home you lose any ability to see your kids if your wife wants to stop this. You need to assess what kind of woman your wife is and how she will behave. If you can agree an amicable split then it will be much better. My wife refused to talk about arrangements before I left and has done her up most to prevent contact with my son. I have spent the last 9 months going through [censored] to get an appropriate level of contact with my son. My biggest mistake was leaving because I felt I couldn't bear being in the marital home without getting things agreed beforehand.
Only you know what is best for you and your kids based on how things are. I was in a situation where for years the relationship was awful with my wife. I used to lie awake at night wondering if I should leave feeling trapped in a loveless relationship but wanting to be there for my son. I left and all my worst fears have come true.
Apologies for a long bleak reply. I think families are stronger together. I made the decision to leave and I miss my son terribly and am still coming to terms with not being part of his daily life. I can't tell you how hard this is. Of course I don't actually know how bad it would be still in the relationship. I don't miss my wife at all.....
So my hope is that you can work out your differences and stay together. If not then please plan carefully to try and avoid bring in the situation that i and many other loving father's find themselves in.
Good luck
MH
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