[Solved] Advice please

hi,

i'm not certain but sounds like police are right. in england and wales, a 10 year old can be arrested or charged with a crime.if it went to court, its very unlikely the courts will order her or her mother to make her see the dad. thats the age (10 - 12+) where kids wishes and feelings are taken into account. if they say they don't want to see one parent, then theres not much they can do.

if you have some evidence the child is being pressured or manipulated, you should report it to local social services. if the childs mother has some goodness in her, then she would encourage the child to see dad.

Firstly did the policeman tell you himself what was said. Also words can be twisted so it comes across different. At age of 10 they start to listen more to their views, but their would be concerns straight away why a 10 year old son/daughter all of a sudden doesn't wish to see father. If he/she was 15 then yes you would be in a very bad situation. if the policeman did actually advise this which is unlikely especially said in that way then this would be very poor advice from him or her.

the next step would be to calmly , maybe if you do it rather than kids dad is to ask when next contact going ahead please. and write 10 year old son/daughter loves spending time with his dad and look forward to hearing from you soon. thank you.

If no reply then it could be mediation, then an application to family court if un succesful

Thank you so much for your replies

My son contacted the Police and the Officer will be in touch at some point today.
He also contacted Mum in a polite and friendly manner to ask if they could both meet up and discuss the issues surrounding my granddaughters refusal to see her Daddy. In her reply the mother said that she didn’t want to see her Dad when she was the same age as my granddaughter ...after all...she is becoming a teenager and Mum doesn’t see the need to force her to do something against her will. However, as the tone of the message started to change the Mother then claimed that for the last 3 weeks she had been beside herself with worry in case something was to happen to her daughter.....(???) Therefore she isn’t going to force her daughter to visit Dad.
Not once has she mentioned anything before...indeed....my son took his daughters on a short break which they all enjoyed ( and had lots of fun) and no issues were raised...! There are absolutely no issues with the younger daughter who loves coming here every weekend.

If the mother won't sort this out directly, your son can try mediation. If that fails, or she won't attend, you can make an application to the court.

Your daughter would be spoken to ascertain her wishes and feelings as part of this process.

You can also raise concerns with Childrens Services but they don't have the power to put anything in place, Only a court can do that.

In my experience, the faster you can get this resolved, the better as long periods of no contact are not good for the child.

Best of luck

hi,

is there any way to have some contact, if by phone or social media with the child, to find out her views? the dilemma is if court application is made, and then the child tells cafcass/court that she does not want to see dad. then it will be case closed.

Hi peeps....
Well....Mum ( my former dil ) is a very manipulative and narcissistic person. If things don’t go her way she either gets a bad migraine or a severe headache or some other ailment.
More often than not...plans are being changed or don’t happen because “ Mum isn’t well” and the children have to spend the time amusing themselves in their bedroom. My older granddaughter isn’t allowed to play outside because Mum is frightened that the child might get kidnapped!!! ( The younger one is too small to play outside) When the older one is here with her Daddy and us she can play outside, have friends over and behave just like a normal girl her age.
Lately we noticed though that whilst Mum does not take much care of her own appearance....my granddaughters has shown the same lack of interest. But I find it scary that she has taken to emulating Mum in as much as she feigns illness when she is asked to do something....! On the other hand....she ( and her younger sister) have often stated that they don’t want to live with Mum and her boyfriend....the things both girls have told us are not very nice but not enough to involve the authorities or relevant body. Trying to talk to Mum....as Daddy has often tried is so futile....it’s her way or the high way. I know it won’t be long before the tide turns and my granddaughter wants to see Daddy again.....until then we just have to carry on as best as we can. She does text her Daddy from time to time.....as far as I know she text him a couple of days ago and always signs off with “ Love you xx” (!!!)
(However....Mum can check everything on her phone remotely )
I am absolutely convinced that if and when it comes to Mediation the Mother will make all sorts of concessions and agreements....just to be able to be seen to be the good Mum...whilst at the same time calling my son all sorts of names...She will stick to any agreement for about 6-8 weeks and then changes it with little to no notice..... I am just worried about my granddaughters.....

Take care
Kirsten

The worst has now happened.....we no longer see the children.
My ex DiL has now decided that she will have my son arrested for attempted kidnapping if
he as much as even tries to go near her/her boyfriend’s house.
My son contacted the police who in turn confirmed what my ex DiL claimed.....i.e. that he could also
face a harassment charge.( For 2 text messages one which was sent on Monday and the other one today....neither one in any way harassing or threatening....if anything the opposite)
So...now it looks like having to go the court route.....
We are beyond distraught.....the children are used,to coming here every weekend for 2 nights and now....nothing....
Good grief....the poor children.....I am inconsolable
Sorry for the rambling though

I am afraid you will have to put a court application in as soon as possible.. sounds like ex partner been fed a load of nonsense . tell your son under no circumstances to text his ex about anything whatsoever. he is leaving himself open to a load of false allegations and arrest if he continues. this is all to prevent contact as at the moment both parents are on equal standing ie if he has child he can refuse to return him/her as no court order in place.
result is now mum is panicking and refusing all contact and ringing police etc , be social services next.

I think you should fill out c100 and go for urgent hearing although u wont get one but this will hopefully enable you to skip been delayed by mediation.
filling out a c100 say 2moro would have you a hearing within 6 weeks unless an urgent hearing would be a lot sooner.

IMPORTANT:

a text does not have to be threatening or harassing to get your son arrested. its classed as unwanted communication and will make seeing kids even more difficult and delay things. do not text the mum of kids again unless she texts first . if she does text has to be about child/children only and that's it

yep agree with warwick. it needs to go to court ASAP. the next scenario I can picture is your son going over and banging on their door to see kids, and he gets arrested.

c100 form can be done online in most cases. check:

https://www.gov.uk/government/publications/form-c100-application-under-the-children-act-1989-for-a-child-arrangements-prohibited-steps-specific-issue-section-8-order-or-to-vary-or-discharge

also son would need to attend mediation. you can book a MIAM for under £100. video call.

Thank you very much for your advice.
Tbh....I have been here before.....some years ago when my other son had issues.
Sadly...they couldn’t be resolved and there is no contact with that particular child.
All the more are we all determined not to let this happen to these 2 grandchildren.....but
as no-one saw this coming we are all dumbfounded ,paralysed and traumatised.

I am trying to be as levelheaded as I can be so I told my son to print off as many text messages
as possible to show what has been written and communicated.....this would, amongst other things
clearly show that my son is no threat to anyone.

He will not contact the mother of his children as pat your advice but we do wonder what
he should do with regards to the older child who has a phone and does text now and then.
Should he respond to the child? Although mum has full ( remote) access to child’s phone and can
even switch off apps remotely if she wishes.....and indeed has done so in the past.

Take care
Kirsten