[Solved] Advice Needed

Hi thanks for your reply’s.

No financial order in place.
It’s always just been a mutual understanding.

I have briefly mentioned how I’m struggling before and when I said I might need to lower the payments was told “you will make us struggle as well then” also when I advised as it’s 50/50 shared care once she replied saying well you will have her less then.

I have just noticed that none of the trousers I have fit my youngest anymore (she’s been wearing dresses all summer and grown) how am I supposed to afford the payments to her and also provide the kids requirements when they are in my care?

Rant over 🙂

hi,
if you have the money and mental willpower, go to court and aim for 50/50 shared care, that way you end up paying 0 child maintenance. if you cant get that then atleast you will have an order that states how many nights you keep the kids. you show that to CMS and they will give you reductions based on number of nights you care for children. and thats how you afford your own set of clothes for the kids and what not. but you will need good reason to go to court, like shes reducing contact or not letting you see them during school holidays etc. my reason was that she denied overnights completely.

Hi.

Update:

So things came to a head this morning. Something for school was not purchased and it was expected I was paying. (On top of the monthly payment) I explained I can’t afford it and was told well you have money to go out. I did not respond and went our separate ways.

later I called to discuss the maintenance situation and how I was struggling with the current amount. I didn’t want to stop the payment but it would need to be something more affordable.

This is when I was told I need to budget better and supporting the children should not be my first sacrifice (as I have already mentioned we are 50/50 shared care).
I was told that I should not be spending money on the kids when they are with me and enjoying my time with them. I should save to ensure I can afford to give her the value that was first set. (I work full time and have the children 7/14 days in a 2 week period - should I not be able to enjoy my time and unwind with them.)

Shouting, swearing and screaming down the phone at me. I explained I would still try and pay something, but was being shot down and not listened to. Then she threatened to cancel the divorce (I’m the petitioner) and she would take me for my pension.

So now I’m waiting to see how this proceeds....

Work out what you should be paying...that is the recommended amount on the child maintenance calculator...if you are paying more than that then the figure on the calculator is the amount you are legally obligated to pay...there is no arguing that figure! if you are paying less then you should count yourself lucky that your ex hasn't put a claim in with the CMS to get more out of you!

Unfortunately if you're paying less and she finds out then she could (and will likely be advised to) open a claim with the CMS and you're then going to have to prove you have 50/50 shared care of the kids and you'll have to prove your finances to them.
they will not care one bit about how difficult it makes life for you....all they care about is that you pay what you should. Child maintenance is not something you can avoid...and morally nor should you.

Whatever the calculator says you have to pay that....you do not have to payout for anything more than that, what she takes off you is for the kids food, clothing and accommodation...however, if you choose to spend on the kids and can afford to then do it.

Sounds harsh i know and sorry but you will need to get a good grip on your finances and budget accordingly....there's no escaping paying for your children

Thanks Dad-I-D for your reply.

Let’s get one thing straight I am not trying to get out of paying anything for my children. I just want to be within a value that is sustainable. I have checked the CMS website and this is 1/3 less than I pay now. I would be happy to pay this. Just not getting an agreement from the mother.

I pay way above what I should for maintenance, have 50/50 shared care and pay for extra requirements. Think I’ve never escaped supporting my children. If I could I would have them 100%.

hi,

you should look at going self-employed. CMS have rule where if your income drops by more than 25% then you will be paying less. if income goes up by 25%, you will have to pay more. something to be mindful of. some dads did over-time. then they got hammered.