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Hi , im new to this site and I have an issue that I need some advice about. My issue may seem kind of trivial compared to some of the problems I see other separated fathers have over their kids but its an issue none the less and in could do with some words of wisdom. My x and I separated when our son was 1 year old, we have and always have had a very good relationship and are good friends, there have never been any strict rules about when I see my son and he has always stayed with me a lot. he lives with his mum about 5 miles away from me and these days he seems to want to spend less time with me and more time just being at home. My son and I have a great relationship, I love him more than life and up until recently we have almost been joined at the hip. I understand that he is growing up and trying to find his own feet and spread his wings and, of course al his pals are over where he livess and obviously he wants to hang out with them and this is exactly what I would want him to do. My point is really just that because we don't live together, the fact that his developing sense of independence means he wants to spend more time with his pals and less with his parents leaves me feeling pain because, as his dad I have a strong need to be a influence on him and continue being the influence I always have been. I know kids drift away as they reach teenage years but the parents in the home environment are always there as the anchoring , guiding influence and at this time of development that influence, especially for boys from their fathers if so important. My problem here is that im not part of his home environment and therefore not being that constant influence that I s need to be and this really upsets me. Any advice or words of wisdom greatly appreciated.
Hi and welcome to the forum
I can certainly understand that this is upsetting for you. I think the first thing I would suggest is that you try to plan special events with him in advance (see what he's like to do) so he has something different to look forward to. Even better, if you are able to include his friends in this, or have sleepovers sometimes with some of his friends.Unfortunately, the age he's at is the time when he is starting to find his independence to it may be a matter of working round him more.
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