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Hi everyone
This is the first time I have ever been on a forum, so forgive me if I am not doing this right. I am so worried about my son, who split with his partner three years ago. For the last three years, she has made all of our lives a misery. She constantly chops and changes whether or not he can see the children (11, 7, 5). He has now not seen them for four months as he was late in picking them up as he had to work late, even though he rang her to explain. I havent seen them either, but I am more worried about my son. She has blocked him on her phone and social media and has moved house (although we do know where she lives). He went to see a solicitor and they wrote to ask her to go to a mediation thing, but she wont go, so now the solicitor says he will apply to the court (whatever that means). My son doesnt get a great wage, but he is not entitled to legal aid. I dont think he realises how much this is going to cost and I dont think he can afford to go to a court. What is the process, are there any free services. I have no knowledge of the system and dont have any friends who have been through a similar thing. Can anyone help, or point us in the right direction. I am so worried about him.
Hi Tillie
Your son needs to clarify with his solicitor that he has a limited budget otherwise he could get into serious difficilty with this, and his ex could drag the case out to increase his costs and force him to drop the case.
He has a few choices aside from having the solicitor represent him.
He can self represent - if the solicitor has already applied to the court, then the fee will have been paid by the solicitor already, so your son would need to pay the solicitor so far.
He could seelf represent but use the solicitor to help on occasion, when he needs specific help
He could self represent and use a McKenzies friend - this will help him with preparation, and the MF will be able to attend court with him (but not speak) and will cost much less than a solicitor.
Plenty of dads on here have self represented doing the whole thing themselves, and of course he (or you) can come on here at any time for advice to help him through.
Hi Tillie12
It's very worrying when our family is caught up in this kind of situation and it can often feel that there's no help out there, so it's great that you have come here and we will do our best to advise and support you.
As actd said, it's important that your son discusses the solicitors charges before things are moved forward, the charges can multiply at an alarming rate. Some solicitors will offer a fixed fee, but we are usually talking a four figure number.
Unfortunately legal aid for private family law was stopped in 2014, unless there is evidence of domestic violence. If a person is self representing and is on a low wage there is help with court fees, which can be claimed when submitting their application.
If self representing, the fee for submitting an application is £215, which is a one off payment and apart from sundry expenses, such as travelling to and from court, that's about all the outlay there is. Some courts offer free services in the form of the Personal Support Unit (PSU) for people without legal representation and you can enquire at your family court for details of this, or any other service that they offer.
McKenzie friends are a lot cheaper than solicitors and can help with paperwork, statements and moral support in court... hey are an unregulated body however, so to find a reputable one it's best to seek recommendations and we could help with that, if you would like further information you can PM any of the moderators for further advice. Some Citizen Advice Bureaux have a list of McKenzie Friends and can also offer advice.
Your son and you may benefit from attending a Fathers Need Families meeting in your area, where you'll meet others in similar situations and get face to face advice and support. Here's a link. To their website where you'll find details of meetings nationally
www.fnf.org.uk/help-and-support-2/local-branch-meetings.
As has been said, we are happy to advise and support as much as we are able, there's plenty of information about the court process at the top of the legal eagle section, and if you have any questions at all please don't hesitate to ask.
Best of luck
Thank you so much for this, it really helps
Thankyou so much for your advice. I didn't know any of this. It's absolutely shocking that dads get such a raw deal. I am divorced, but I could never have done this. Even if you are upset or angry with an ex, you should never, ever, bring children into it. They must always always come first
I agree with you Tillie, but unfortunately, there are lots of Dads in this situation. Please keep posting and we will do what we can to support you.
Best wishes
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