[Solved] Access issues with my daughter

Hi again

Break ups are messy, it must have been very upsetting for you that your oldest child has been drawn into this and very unfair of your ex for doing so.

Your first step has to be mediation to try and sort this out, if this fails you would then be able to make an application to court for a Child Arrangements Order for contact. As your child is still very young, the court would look at an increasing schedule of contact to begin with.

It's wrong that she is bad mouthing you to everyone, this is something that you could try and address at mediation. As far as the holiday s concerned, if you are happy that the destination is safe, I don't think you should object to it as it just makes you look as petty as her. It's always better to be calm and reasonable, especially when dealing with the authorities.

going to court you can use a solicitor, or you can self represent, solicitors can work out to be very expensive and I'm talking four figures, whereas going it alone without a solicitor only costs the application fee and apart from that, time in which to do,your research and prepare your case. We will do as much as we can to advise and support you on your journey, whatever you decide.

All the best

... meant to say, the reasons why you split up aren't of any real interest to the court. They are only interested in what is best for the child and they do believe that it a child's right to have both parents involved in their life.

Thanks for the reply

I have said I will consent to the holiday if I get an itinary with flights and contacts ECT. But got my back up as it feels like she can do whatever she wants but won't let me see my daughter unless it's with her family. I'm supposed to see her Sunday with her brother which I said wasn't a good idea as he has said if he saw me there would be trouble, so that's a concern. We have agreed to go to mediation, and have been looking at ones locally. It seems she is trying her best though if she doesn't get an answer she likes to stop me seeing her or be awkward and my eldest is missing out on seeing her sibling. Hopefully mediation will sort out the issues as the barrages of abuse and texts and contacting my family is getting ridiculous.

Ultimately a court would agree to the holiday going ahead, unless there was a risk to the child, for example, if the destination is an area that the Foreign Office deems as dangerous to travel to. That being the case, there's little point in objecting, better to choose your battles wisely, the issue of contact being an area where you can expect to progress.

If the brother has threatened you, you are right to avoid contact with him, if no one else is available, could you take someone with you for moral support, they could also video any incidents if they happen and you would be within your rights to report such incidents to the police.

It's good that she has agreed to mediation, let's hope she will see that it's better to reach agreement between yourselves, rather than have to ask the court to decide. The court is likely to push contact and will order contact without supervision once they've checked that there are no safeguarding issues for the child.

The destination is an RAF base in Cyprus where her friend lives. She keeps threatening court action and moves the goal posts all the time and has twice said that if I want she will have me removed from the birth certificate and I can walk out of my daughter's life and pay no money. Why would I do that? It beggars belief. She says that she wants proof I'm going to steps to well being and has even called them to check I have registered. But again these are for issues none related to my ability to be a father. I live in the area on my own so me taking someone with me to see My daughter is tricky and again she would not approve as it's not someone she chose so I'm between a rock and a hard place. And it's really affecting my family back home too.

Perhaps she might agree to contact at a contact centre, if this type of contact is started prior to any court action it will usually mean that contact is progressed more quickly. As your child is still so young and contact has been limited by the mother, a court is likely to order contact starts a t a contact centre anyway... by suggesting it you are just getting that first step done before time. It's worth discussing at mediation and shows that you are thoughtful to the mothers concerns and the young age of your child.

It might also be a good idea o attend a parenting course, again your preempting any concerns she may voice at a later date, about your ability to care for a baby.

All the best

Thank you for your reply. We are arranging mediation and I'm seeing baby through the ex dad. It's not a concern for her that I'm not capable to look after her it's because of the break up she doesn't trust me as there is still alot of hurt and anger there. She always commented on my parenting skills with my eldest and said I did a very good job bringing her up correctly so that's not come into doubt. I do feel like she can do what she wants and I have to bow down to her requests and if not I don't get to see baby. Time will tell I hope as she needs her daddy too

Good luck at mediation, let us know how you get on... but if it fails for whatever reason, court is your next step. The mediator would sign off the form to enable you to make an application. You can use a solicitor or go it alone, a lot of Dads have don't that with much success and we will do what we can to advise and support you.

If this gets to court, make sure you ask for an interim order for contact with your child, explain that you have been supervised by her family members and would like that to be progressed at the first hearing.

All the best

So I have my first mediation meeting on Monday so fingers crossed it's a start. On another note I have a question about child maintenance. When my ex called them to get a figure I should pay even though we had agreed on 200 a month, she failed to mention I have a second child. She was only added to the case a few weeks back but they are saying I need to pay 250 a month for my youngest until it's recalculated. I have my second child for 4 nights a week every week and pay half of all her extra circular activities, clothes, uniform and anything she needs whilst with me. I have chased up child maintenance to see if they have spoken to my second child mother to confirm our arrangement but all they say is it's being looked into. Well this month I fell short by 50 of the 250 for youngest and had a phone call straight away to say it will come direct from my employer if not paid. I questioned them as to why they cannot get the recalculation for me within nearly a month but can call me as soon as my payment is short. 250 for 1 child seems alot to me as I have a second child to pay for and leaving me living hand to mouth hence why I was 50 short this month. Can anyone advise how this works or had similar issues if any of it made sense. Many thanks

They certainly should be taking your other child into account. I believe for two children it's 16% of gross income. Here's a link to their calculator

www.gov.uk/calculate-your-child-maintenance

I think,you're just going to have to keep on to them. Perhaps you could use the complaints procedure to try and hurry them up. Sorry I can't be of much help with this.

Best of luck

Thanks. I called them again today and they are chasing it Up!!!!! Apparently