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Hi There,
This is the first time I have written one of these!! I am just after some advice and not sure if I am in the right place. I have been divorced for just over 5years and have two girls. I have the girls every monday night and all day tuesday. i work 2 full weekends a month and have 2 full weekends off for which I have my girls. Also I always take the girls away on holiday every year for two weeks and also take time off work so my ex can go away as well. Occasionally I might have the odd sunday off which I spend with my girlfriend which is very very seldom and only happens after if there is 5 weekends in the month.
My ex wife has of late said that I am a bad father for not having the girls everytime I am off work and has threated me with going to a solictor to force me to have the girls every time I am off. Am I wrong to be having the odd day to spend with my girlfriend? Everyone says no of course not just wanted some other dads opinions.
Hi there - welcome to the forum
If you want my opinion it sounds like your ex is getting a fantastic deal and as a result is taking the "Michael" - yes you need time to yourself and your relationship - and you should definitely not be pressured into feeling guilty to do so.
I would be amazed if your ex's solicitor doesn't laugh out loud when she tells him you are a bad father - you spend more time with your kids than many fathers in steady relationships.
So I for one say well done as you set a great example to many of us
I agree fully with SM, you are a good dad, and don't get sucked into feeling guilty, It seems your ex is getting a wonderful life while you go without.
Her solicitor may back her and send you letters, but this would only be as she is the client and they are acting on her behalf (and being paid to do so) My ex had a solicitor write me all kinds of letters and not one of them had any depth they were just her trying things on, My solicitor (when I used one) laughed at them.
Keep to an arrangement that suits you and don't feel guilty about it.
Darren
Thank you very much Darren and super mario. It's just soo hard not too feel guilty all the time when I don't have the girls. My ex has this way of making me feel like a [censored] dad! Which I know I am not. We split 5 years ago down to her having an affair and moving out and taking the girls with her. I always have this underlying fear that if I didn't do as she asked then she would stop access to the girls which I know is silly but they are my world. I would like to thank you both for you comments they have made me realise that I am entitled to a life as well many thanks paul
Stopping access is always a feer and I laid down and got walked all over after I left my ex.
When you start pushing back things can get a little stressed and trouble may arrise, but you are in the right so don't be afraid to stand your ground. The courts and caffcass would be on your side if ever she went to that extreme, and to be fair it sounds to me that she is just blowing hot air as she would be mad to upset the arrangement you have in place at the moment.
Darren
I'll add a couple of points to the excellent advice you've already been given.
First, a court cannot force you to see your children, so that is a completely idle threat - the court can order that she makes the children available to you if she is restricting contact, but even then can't force you to turn up for contact (not that I am suggesting for a monent that you won't, I'm simply stating the limits of the courts powers).
Secondly, you ex is obviously having a whale of a time socially and wants to have even more so - if she threatens to restrict contact in any way, I suspect that would also be an idle threat as her social life would suffer considerably.
You are definitely entitle to your own life, and having that will also make you an even better dad than you already are. 🙂
Hi all and thankyou for your site,
I joined as i need advise and have posted in the legal help bit,
I would be grateful if anyone could give me some advise,
Many thanks
Hi and welcome
I've probably replied to your other post, but I'll go and check to make sure.
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