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In need of some advice.
I have a 15 month old daughter with my ex, we stopped being a item when she found out she was pregnant and never got on during her pregnancy, but I always tried to be there for her but she wouldn’t ever let me be. She never let me come to any of the scans, or wouldn’t even let me in the room when my first daughter was being born. I saw my daughter for about 20 minutes on the day she was born then my ex asked me to leave because she needed rest.
For the first 6-7months everything was going well. I would meet up with my ex a few times a week, would go round her house or meet her in a town to see my daughter.
My ex was always very uncomfortable around me and wouldn’t let me do anything where the baby was concerned. She wouldn’t let me feed her or change her and wouldn’t leave me in the room alone with the baby. I never did anything to make her feel like I was going to hurt or do something wrong to her or the baby. She never let my family have anything to do with the baby or offer for them to see her
We had a big argument one day and everything broke down. I had to start seeing my daughter through her family members for a little while before contact with my daughter broke down completely for about 8 weeks.
We then went to mediation to settle our differences which never helped. When I explained that I wanted my family to see her more. She went behind my back and met with my family members to see my daughter without telling me or without me being there, which ment I still wasn’t seeing my daughter.
Contact started up again in a contact centre and it went really well for the first few meetings. The mum never came in the room it was just me and my daughter with other dads and there children in a hall, but the last few times my daughter hasn’t been comfortable with me and keeps crying to the point where my ex had to pick her up early (after about half hour) and take her home. Which means the last 2 months in total I have seen my daughter for about a hour.
My ex now doesn’t answer her phone to me or any one in my family. None of my family have seen my daughter or heard from my ex in months and she is refusing all contact
I don’t know what to do?
I am worried my ex is going to stop me seeing her again all together.
this is what happend to me , to the t,, exactly the same,, chin up mate its so hard,,
Hi Carey, really sorry for what's happening. I think a lot of us here can relate to your story, and how your daughter is being denied her right to a relationship not just with her father but also with half her family.
You say you don't know what to do. One thing I'm more and more sure about is that we need to avoid having arguments with our ex's. Someone told me some time ago that my relationship with my son was going to be as good as my relationship with his mother, and I think he was right. Don't get me wrong, I've been through similar to what you are going through only a few weeks ago, so I think understand where you are coming from. This pain will make you a better person and a better dad if you know how to turn it to your advantage.
As a first step, you need to look after yourself, because your baby daughter needs a good father, so caring for yourself is paramount. Next you need to decide what do you want to achieve ? What kind of dad do you want to be ? Once you know what you want, you go out and make it happen, always being respectful of your ex, understanding that you are going to be swallowing your pride, that it's not fair, but you do it anyway because that's what your baby daughter deserves of you.
I know this feels terrible, and if I'm honest you never stop worrying completely, even after you achieve what you set out to achieve, but I guess that's part of being a father, you're always thinking about your child.
No long ago did you attend mediation? If it was more than 4 months ago then youneed to attempt it again, but this time with a mind to making a court application should it fail.
If it was less than 4 months since you attended, you can explain what is happening and ask the mediator to sign the court application form to enable you to make an application for a Child Arrangements Order.
There's lots of information about the process in the stickys at the top of the legal eagle section and if you have any questions you only have to ask.
Some Dads decide to use a solicitor for court,but this can cost thousands, however representing yourself is possible and is doable, if you decide to go down this route,we will do all we can to advise and support you.
Just remember it's your child's right to have you in her life, children pick up on their parents anxiety and your daughter could be picking up on her mothers... stick with it and hopefully you can get things back on track.
All the best
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