[Solved] A reason why you should never give up hope !,,

Thanks for that woody, excellent to have good stories on here 🙂

My wife put my children through a couple of years of serious neglect after we divorced and she moved away, and I went through [censored] when I took custody and went through the courts. But if she had been a slightly better mother, my kids might still be living with her and I'd still be driving a 400 mile round trip every alternate week to see them, and would have missed a lot of good stuff, which I get to see every day now. So even when things seem bleak - in the long term, it can all be much brighter.

Oh woody that is Fantastic news for you,Truely a remarkable story and certainly goes to show that NO matter what happens there is HOPE out there and it surely has happened for you 🙂

I really think thats the best news a dad could ever want to happen/hear after all them years that there home and that your daughters head is more straight and not brain washed still by her mother,though I could understand that will take allot of time.
I hope you have plenty of happy days to come and many many many years of happyness with her from now on

Thanks ,, if only I knew what was round the corner I would have smiled more in the past ...

It's one of the hardest things to deal with the emptiness without your children in your life all I suggest is when things seem hard never give up and keep looking at that picture or birthday card you you were sent ,,, I had a large mirror on my wall and it was covered in memories from my childhood to current day memories ..

Her mother has tried to blame her for running away and splitting the family up on her side ,, my daughters strength is inspiring she has told her mother exactly why she no longer wished to live with them and the main reason being the mental torture ,,, I actually don't think people see their own faults or what they do wrong ,,,, a better person can say sorry ..

I have suggested that my daughter now tries to help her mother through this hard time to help her mom grow as a person and never do this to anyone again ,,,, that's the better person ,,,, I still can't believe that we survived the 12 years of greaf it feels like someone has turned out a light that was constantly burning ...

I hope all your stories end with happiness , I realise that happiness and laughter is the best cure for anything in life it's a drug and we need it to survive 🙂

Hi There,

Well done and thanks for sharing it's great to hear a success story.

I like your phrase "if only I knew what was round the corner I would have smiled more in the past"

I think that could apply to a lot of us on here!!!
Darren

Thanks guys ,,,

I remembered a story that I once read that always stuck in my mind I'll try to find it as it teaches a very good lesson ..

Here's what I can remember ..

Sas or special forces are on selection in the breackon beacons Wales ..

Something called sickener 1 where the guys have to march something like 50 miles with a heavy Bergen on their back in a time like 20 hrs
This could be carried out in winter blizzard conditions ....

A test that is carried out after the march or at the end was to move the trucks 1 mile down the road ,,, everyone that reached the end would be told that the trucks were not comming for them and that they must now march another 20 miles back to base to eat a hot meal ...

Guys would break down and give up at this point ,,, the strong carries on ..

the guys that carried on would march 1 mile further down the road and be surprised to find the trucks waiting with hot food and drink and a lift back to base to continue selection..

The guys that gave up were given a train ticket home !,,

The lesson in life is that only the strong survive ,,, weakness always shows in the game of life ... And it's usually thinking to much that makes you weak ... I should know I have thought many times about giving up and sitting in the corner ..

I hope you guys carry on marching 🙂

Hi Woody Thank you for your reply regarding my Daughter you have inspired me at a very difficult time I am going through and reading what you have said above gives me great motivation and inspires me to fight and take on what advise you gave me.

I have kept a box with photos,gifts,receipts of clothing and presents i have sent my daughter and i intend to do a photo diary now so when i do get access or my daughter does find me when she is old enough she will know i have never stopped thinking off her or fighting for her.

Many Thanks Andy!

Andy thanks,,makes me feel better that what we went through can help others ,,, strength is all you need ...

It's been a messy long road I have had access and had it taken away ,, one thing that I never did was go to court all those years ago ,, big mistake as my x always had control ...

I even gave up my career as an offshore engineer I worked all over the world and why beacouse of the control she had over me ..

Only now that me and my daughter are looking for our own little flat does it all seem worth it ,,,, have to admit there were times when I just wanted to give up ,, I would go to my daughters school and have ten mins chat with her only to come home and feel empty and have panick attacks ...

One year ago their mother moved house without telling me i kept on writing letters and my daughter received them ..We kept in touch with those little ten mins after school ....

Maddie told me over dinner this week that she cannot understand why her mother hates me so much she said dad your nothing like what she tells people you are but you are an amazing dad and I'm glad you fought for me she never gave up on me ....ever she new I would wait as I told her you never leave a soldier behind ...shes my soldier ...

Guys I'm looking for some additional advice ..

Daughter is still living with me and our relationship is very strong she feels happier in life and so do I at last ..

I'm attending mediation with her mother this weekend ,, good news as she never attended once in 12 years with me trying but now the glove is on the other hand and she wants her daughter back ,,, daughter is 14 September and has been living happily with me now since June ,,,

Question is when I attend mediation this weekend can I ask for a letter or do I need us both to sign a form granting me as equal legal guardian over both my children ,,,,

My daughter has said she is happy to visit her mother one day a week but wants to live with me ... So I have a bargaining chip at last ..

Also csa are saying I still have to pay her even if we have one child each ?

The CSA bare correct that you pay for the child living with her, but equally she pays you for your daughter living with you so how much you pay overall depends on both incomes - check the CSA calculator to see what each should be paying the other. You are also entitled to child benefit since your daughter is living with you, and this will reduce the amount your ex receives as she no longer has 2 children with her.

As the time is a little short, I'd give cclc a ring regarding specific advice on mediation.

That's great news I payed 500 plus pound a month for 12 years !, it's very easy to be angry all that time and feel like people are just taking from you and you don't really have a right to be a parent ,,but I would love to see the look on their faces when the csa approach them ...

have to admit all I feel now is sorry for what they have done as we survived and they are trying to back peddle on all the mental abuse they have caused children and me over the years ...

So I'm still not her legal guardian im on her birth certificate was not married and born 1998 ,,,she has been living with me for a few months but we have been drawing it closer to her birthday as we know 14 is a better age to be in court and for her to not be taken back to her mothers ,,

Can I just apply for child benafits ? It's a word I never thought I would ever be using ? And who are CCLC is that the legal team that works with dads net ?

Thanks for the reply

Have a word with the child benefit office to see if they will pay before residence, don't see why not.

Cclc is the corams children's legal centre - there is a link to them at the bottom of this website 🙂

Im currently going through a residency battle for my 5 year old son. My ex (sons mother), is only interested in the benifits side of things, not our son.

we split at the end of last October and ever since, I have been keeping a diary of the exact days and times that I have my son in my care, also, photographs, recipts, and even parking tickets if i have had him out to the park.

when we split, we decided on a routine where by, I had my son (week 1) Wednesday 3pm to Sunday 4pm, then (week 2), Thursday 3pm to Sunday 4pm, therefore giving me residency 4 nights one week and 3 nights the next, on a 2 week rota.

I first had the Child Benifit office contact me, wanting me to confirm that my ex partner had our son Sunday 4pm to Friday 3pm, obviously this was wrong. This is where my diaries come in handy, also, when i split from my ex, we had a mutual agreement (not legally binding) which i had wrote up and both myself and my ex signed it. I sent copies of this agreement and the diaries to the child benifit office in December 2011. from the information which i had provided to them, they made an investigation then they deemed me as the main carer, therefore paying me the money. shortly after being awarded the Child benifit, I had recieved a letter from them explaining that my ex partner had made another claim, therefore stopping the money until they investigate, again. not long after this, i recieved a phone call from the CSA.

My ex had filed a claim to the CSA, stating that she had our son, Sunday 4pm to Friday 3pm, again more lies. I explaind to the CSA what our agreed routine was and told them that child benifit was awarded to me but had been stopped while they investigated the claim. the CSA told me that because me and my ex had roughly 50/50 residence over our son that it would be the person who claims the child benifit who would be able to claim CSA money. I told them that i didnt want to claim the CSA money as all im interested in is my son, I dont need, nor want the money, however i didnt want my ex claiming it because my son would never see the money, as she would spend the money on herself. the CSA said that they would have to contact Child Benifit to confirm that the claim had been stopped due to investigation. A few days later, i recieved a phone call from CSA again, confirming that they had contacted the child benifit office and that the CSA claim was to be scrapped as i was more than likely to recieve the Child Benifit money again.

As mentioned earlier, diaries, etc. are very useful things to have, especially when your ex partner may not have anything to support what they tell people.

A really useful e-book which i downloaded for about £20 on the internet at, www.thecustodyminefield.com (Shared Residence by Michael Robinson). this contains lots of useful information and is well worth the money especially if your going to Court. it includes every minute detail, as far as, what to wear for court, how to address the judge, what type of evidence to collect, also, it helps with wrighting statements for court, should you ever need one.

Hi there,

Can you confirm if you are affiliated to the Web address on your post or the book itself please, if if you just stumbled across it and found dead it useful?

Darren

That sounds like a great bit of information I could definatly use it ,,, have to admit this site dad.info has been a great help over the last few months I've read many stories and it's nice to get a reply from others or post with help to their problem ...

I found this site by pure chance and joined immediately have also received good advice from CCLC ...

I can't believe what I have heard today my x partner has told both of my children that the reason for us not seeing each other for a year and a half was that I went missing ,,l when in fact she moved address and did not notify me ,,,

I can't believe how bad a lyre this person is and I'm at the point of proving her lies for the first time with good information stored in diaries that I have also kept over the years ,,,

I'll keep this post updated after the weekends events with my x partner as we are attending mediation ,,, basically she wants access to my daughter and I'm looking for access to my son ...

i stumbled across this website (www.thecustodyminefield.com), while browsing google a couple of months ago and after looking at this site, i decided to download this book. I was a bit weary at first as id never come across this site before but thought i would give it a try, it was well worth it. i would highly reccomend it to anyone who may be either going through/ considering the legal route to obtaining residency. before downloading the e-book, i had already started collecting my own evidence, but once i downloaded the book it and read through it, it does actually tell you what thinge to keep records of, etc.

I would say the only thing wrong with the book is, you cant print out/copy and paste any of the information, as the author of the book has blocked access to this. i have however been able to download it to disc as a back up.

please note: i have nothing at all to do with this book or web address, as i said I come across this while searching "Fathers Rights" on google.

I went to mediation with my ex partner 2 weeks ago and as i have always thought, what a wast of time and money that was. It cost me £114 to sit in a room and listen to my ex rant on about my family, not thinking about the welfare of our son. It was however, worth the money to have her show herself in her true colours, swearing and shouting, to which the mediator nearly stopped the session a couple of times because of my ex's actions. another good thing was, i proved her to be a liar on a couple of occasions. i have kept every single text message, sent and recieved, from my ex since we split up. nearly every text message from her is either, abusive, demanding or threatening and they have all been recorded onto my computer and sent in paper form to my solicitor.

while in mediation, my ex partner thought she would try and make me look bad by sayin that id sent some abusive and vulgar messages to her in February, however, I had the last laugh when i pulled out of my folder, all 1008 text messages and asked her to give me the date as to when i had sent the message to her. All she could do is go beetroot, start to cry and say "well i cant really remember when you sent that message".

I offered her a few options for shared residency for our son, all of which she was strongly against. all she offered me was for me to have my son 2 nights a week when he has been used to spending, 4 nights one week, then 3 nights the next, with me, for the past 10 months.

Last week we were at court again, for the judge to advise us to try one more mediation session and he set a final hearing date for the first available date after 28th September. Im back at mediation next friday (31/08/12) for another pointless, money/time wasting appointment. Im only going for my sons sake and because a judge looks more favourably on parents trying mediation before going to court.

Sounds all to familiar ,,

I've been fighting to see me children with stable access since 2001 , since then I have felt like a prisoner weekend visits one phone call a week some holidays some birthdays ,, my x partner can't seem to grasp the fact that she is a control freak ..to make it worse her partner in crime is just as bad the husband ..

Two months ago my daughter runs away ,,, for the first time in my life I have that great feeling I'm a farther my life has a meaning again ... We have hope and a future ,,,,

Now my daughter is 14 in three weeks we don't have pr but we are attending mediation with her mother who wants her home ....
After all her mother has done to me I feel it's important to put the children's life first and forget our problems so I'm trying to help her and her daughter build a relationship ,,, worst part is she my child's mother would use anyone and stab anyone in the back so I'm wondering why I'm bothering ..

This is the interesting part ... My daughter had said the same as me her mother and step farther have control issues they also run me down and say im a nothing they monitored her phone calls incase she spoke to me ,,,,I'm not sure weather or not her step farther has hit her or slapped my daughter I have a feeling that this has happened my daughter and her step brothers and sisters she has said she does not want to go back to her mothers ,,, is this something that I should talk to social services about ? I don't agree with hitting children but I'm know it's a tricky road with what is said and what is truth ..

If it was me i would probably contact social services, they will probably want to speak to you, your daughter and your ex. they will then compile a report on their findings and from what I can see, you probably have nothing to worry about. I cant tell you what to do but as i said, if it was me in your position, i would contact social services. it could work out better for you in the long run if it ever goes to court. if your daughter has run away from her mother, then the judge cant ignore that fact and will want to know why she run away. if your daughter is allowed to give some sort of statement to a court explaining that she doesnt want to go back to her mother and she wants to stay with you, then that, along with a social services report should leave you in a win, win situation.

maybe try contacting social services annonamisly first and explain the situation, or ask for advice, then you could make your mind up as to what you think would be best for your daughter.

good luck for your mediation session, hope you get something sorted. if you havnt already put in for a court order, your doing the best thing now, starting with mediation. I have gone on the most expensive and long route so far by putting in a court order first, dont fall into the same mistake that i have.

I first went to court in March, costing me £700 + VAT for my solicitor alone for a half hour session in court (including preperation time, etc.), only to be told by the judge that the case was to be adjourned for 8 weeks until me and my ex had been to mediation. 8 weeks later, still no mediation appointment had been made and i ended up back at court, again, another £700 + VAT, for the judge to adjourn for another 8 weeks. then it was 2 weeks ago i ended up in mediation with my ex, which nothing could be decided. last week i was back at court for another half hour session (£700 + VAT), just to tell the judge that no agreement had been made in mediation. the judge then advised us to try mediation once more, and to prepare a statment to give to the court by the 21st September, with a final hearing date for the first available after 28th September. tonight i have recieved an e-mail from my solicitor confirming a final hearing date of 22nd October, which is going to cost in eccess of £1000 + VAT.

Typically, my ex partner isnt working so doesnt have to pay a penny.

aw - excellent work on keeping texts etc - in fact your case sounds remarkably similar to mine 😀

actd - if you dont mind me asking, in what way is my situation similar to yours? im happy to know that there is someone else to talk to, who is going through something similar to me. no offence to anyone else on here, as we all have the same problems, just in different ways.

i would be pleased if you could get back to me - actd

No problem at all with you asking. I went for residency almost 7 years ago for my two daughters (difference was that I took them away from their mother with the assistance of the police, so I was then seeking residence to keep them with me). My ex helped me enormously by damning herself with offensive and abusive texts and emails etc, whereas I replied only when absolutely necessary and then only with approval of my solicitor so I didn't give her any ammunition at all. I think there were 8 court hearings in all - cost me around £40k (and that was after a 20% discount for family connections) and my ex did everything possible to delay the proceedings and rack up my costs (hers came to about £10k I believe).

i would love to get full residency of my son but i was told by my solicitor that i wouldnt stand a chance because i work full time.

i told my solicitor that, that wasnt fair as, the court want to see you being able to provide financially for your child, but also they want to see that you can provide the care for your child. how does any father stand any chance in court??

i said to her that when im at work, my son is at school, apart from i worked 07:30 - 16:00, however since febuary iv changed my working pattern to accomodate for collecting my son from school so i now start at 05:30 - 14:00. my solicitor told me that a judge would want to see me taking my son to school as well as collecting. i said to her, what about all the parents who pay for a child minder or have family members take their children to school. still, my solicitor said that i would stand a better chance of joint residency, if thats what i offer to my ex, because that shows the judge that i still want to include my sons mother in his life.

im trying to go for one week with me, the next week with my ex, unless i can keep my son in his normal routine that he is currently in.

i just wish it was all over with now. by the time the final hearing has been, it will be nearly a year that this has been going on.

Guys it's a horrible pain not having your children with you ,, all i thought about when I was at the hardest point was what did the guys in the war feel like not seeing their family not knowing if they would ever see them ,, I kept telling myself to be strong I lived of hope at times that was all I had to keep me going ,,,,

I'm glad I have been allowed this little breather my daughter has given me the strength I need to go on and tommorow will be the first time ever that I can prove who the liar is ..My daughter has listened for the last 11 years she is profe that it does not pay to mentally torture your children and lie about the farther .. She has made me proud ... But I still want her to be a good person I believe she should help her mother be a better person ...

The children know we never stopped fighting for them ,,, that why we should never give up