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Hi Im new here, never actually thought i'd need to ask some of these questions but here I am.
My wife and I separated 3 years ago, the reason being that she no longer felt the way she did about me. I moved out of our family home as we had 5 children ( 3 adopted from her first marriage and 2 of our own) and it was felt she needed the home as she would have the children so I moved in with my parents and she's stay in the house paying the mortgage.. We agreed that in stead of giving her child support I'd pay her share of the joint loan secured on the house which amounted to £135 anyway. 9 months on I managed to get my own house where I had the children stay with me. My younger two stayed alternate weekends Friday -Sunday and Wednesday evenings also alternate Thursdays dependent upon who's weekend it was. My eldest daughter then 16 maybe stayed twice or three times a week her choice really when she stayed and my two eldest boys rarely stayed except the odd occasion but one did come most sundays for dinner.
In August last year 2 and a half years on I met an old friend from my childhood whom I started dating and in January this year moved in with along with her own daughter. We still have my two youngest pretty much 7 days out of a 14 day period, my middle son now 16 every Monday and odd evening here and there (if his annoying brother and sister arent with us 😆 ) but my eldest son is now at uni and my daughter has a boyfriend so visits when she feels like it.
I have always tried to help and be there not only for them but her too and as a result usually run them and her around to school her to work and back then went home. Many said I was a fool but then thats me!
Over the period though when ever we have had issues she has always thrown up how she helps me with the kids by providing clothes for them at mine and giving me the odd bit of food (I should add she hasnt given any food since I moved in with my current partner). One other thing she does say whenever i've brought up that I give her money for them by paying her share of the loan which was the agreement she says yes but you should be paying something towards the house too as you have a legal obligation to keep a roof over the childrens heads until the last one is 16 and I dont ask you for that so you are on a good deal.
Today I told her she'd have to start making her own way to work when I didnt need to go that way for the children to drop off at school or pick up to come to us as I no longer wanted to keep going 3 miles each way a 45 mins journey to get to work when I'm only 10 mins away and the old usual stuff as mentioned above has come up. She has also said that we will have to start buying clothes for them as they need them at ours from now in stead of asking her for some of theirs from her house.
I was wondering if anyone on here could help me a little on where we stand. I should add we are still not divorced yet as money hasn't allowed and im not sure if the house would have to be taken into account in any settlement so it may cost more.
Thanks for any advice you can give
Chris
Hi
Is your mortgage in joint name's. If it is you are legally obliged to pay towards the mortgage. And you do have to provide a roof over your children's heads until they either leave school or complete further education.The house would come into it only if it is in joint name's. My house is in joint names with my ex but to get her out of it would cost an arm and a leg. My seven year old lives with her and as my solicitor informed me i would have to find alternative living accomodation for HER up to a standard my son has been used to and with out moving him to far away as he would have to change school.Problem is we can get carried away with what ever we do i.e give money,pay the mortgage or pay off loans that we are giving the money direct to our ex's so they can buy handbags,shoes fags and vodka. I give my ex money for my son and i am pretty sure he doesn't really need what i pay it's just he aint old enough to live there on his own.If he was i would pay for everything. Rant Over.
Yes it is in joint names, I've been told that since i've paid nothing towards the house for 3 yrs im not bound to pay anything but that was from a bank manager not a person really in the know. I've also read it is dependent upon incomes and she earns more than I do. She wants out of the house anyway and is supposed to be looking to put it up for sale this yr hoping she can get enough to pay the house off the loan off and her credit card off and still leave enough in the kitty to pay her deposit on her other rented house. If that where the case we'd simply pay child support. Well that was until todays issues anyway not sure what now.
I think it will still probably go ahead as shes had enough of living there but time will tell.
Hi
If it is in joint names you still have a charge on the house.See land registry web site. I would speak to the mortgage company asking where you stand regarding your ex selling your house.I was told that my ex could not sell the house without my agreement and vice versa.I'm sure i wouldn't let her use the proceed's to pay off the house her loan,credit card and a deposit for her rented house, What about all the money you have paid into the house.
The deposit on the house when we bought it was paid by the sale of the first house which although we both lived in it was in my name.
the Loan i mention is a joint loan secured on the house. so both liable. hence my paying her share of it in place of the child maintenance.
Hi
Surely you are due some re-compence if the proceed's from the first house which was in your name were used as a deposit to buy your second home.I don't know your full circumstances or your take on it but i personally wouldn't let that happen.
end of the day the money that was paid for both houses came from us both anyway cos we were married but she couldnt get a mortgage at the time due to bad credit status. if it gets it sorted i dont care if i get anything out of the house or not as long as it pays off the joint loan. As its attached to the house it will have to be paid off at time of sale and that free's me another 135 a month. if what you've said is true and i have to pay towards keeping a roof over kids head till 16 then what is csa for? and what about the money spent by us when we have them 50% of the time?
There isn't a simple answer, it will depend on the divorce court - I would suggest that you have a consultation with a divorce solicitor (they often do a free 30 or 45 minute consulation, so see if you can get this) to explain the circumstances - write them down in bullet points before you go to get as much covered in the initial consultation. There will be an element of providing a roof over their heads, so it may be weighed more heavily in your ex's favour, especially since you have somewhere to live at the moment. Assuming that your ex has the children slightly more than you (and receives the child benefit) then your ex could go to the CSA and ask them to assess you, so you would probably find yourself paying maintenance once the loan has been paid off (or even beforehand depending on when your ex approached the CSA).
Hi folks just a little update, my partner and I went to the C.L.A last wednesday and have an appointment to see someone this wednesday. as far as we are aware we cannot get legal aid as they dont take into the account the loan payments which is a large chunk outta our budget. However they have a free half hour consultation so they can then tell us what it'd cost and where we stand on several issues. I'll let you know how we get on.
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