TOPIC: will the pain go away

will the pain go away 5 months 1 week ago #86450

hi all has any you guys on here been made to feel so bad about being a dad, like the mother saying she didnt want you as a dad, and that she will not allow you to be a dad im really feeling very low at this point in my life because of the ex very hurtfull attitude the baby was no mistake we both wanted her and now she wants me gone no matter what, any replys please this is really getting to me, as surely it will affect baby and i dont never want that to happen, and i cant walk away even tho this is killing me every day , the pain just dont go away, as i still have feelings for my ex, and i shouldnt, i cant let go
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will the pain go away 5 months 1 week ago #86452

The pain will go away, but you have to let go of it. Accept that life isn't fair, you've been dealt a rough hand, but you're gonna make the best out of it anyway. Build a vision for the future you want to have with you child. You are her father no matter what everyone says. Are you gonna teach her how to ride a bike ? Tell her stories at night before she goes to bed ? Write down a list of the things you want to do with your daughter, accept that it's going to be a long painful process before it happens, and then start thinking about it in terms of the next short term step.

What's your next step ?
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will the pain go away 5 months 1 week ago #86453

Hello aldad2be,

The pain you are feeling now, will go.

I believe you have two issues going on:-

1) Your Ex is eating away at your confidence:-

If you allow her comments to affect you, you become full of self doubt and in so doing help her to hurt you more.
In effect, it is the other person making the nasty comments who is inadequate not you.
Give yourself credit for the qualities you have, you know what you are, what you think and feel. Remind yourself of this everyday and try (I know it is difficult but you can successfully work at this) to dismiss her unwarranted comments. In so doing your confidence will come back and you will gradually cease to be affected by her attitude towards you as you will eventually see she is the one with the problem not you.
Whatever you do, do not retaliate or respond to her nastiness, let it go, see it for what it is. Be confident and composed in the knowledge that you know what she is saying is totally without foundation.

2) Contact with your child.

Your daughter needs you and you need her!
If there are no welfare and/ or safeguarding issues you will be able to be the father you want to be to your daughter.
A father has a right to have contact with his child and the courts recognize this. This is why I say do not respond to her nastiness as this could be used against you (by her) if you go to court and could make the process in gaining contact unnecessarily protracted.

Let this day be the start of regaining your confidence by getting rid of the self doubt which I believe you are unwittingly allowing your Ex to impose on you.
Last Edit: 5 months 1 week ago by MotherofaFather.
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will the pain go away 5 months 1 week ago #86461


I am in a very similar situation, all i get called is a "sperm donor"..all gifts i bought my daughter were put on facebay, i have even had to take £200 worth of presents back to the shop, all suggestions i made were frowned upon, alot of the things i wanted to do were put on the shelf or cancelled..... It comes with the territory im afraid, it is what it is and looking for solace from the mother is probably the worst thing you can ever ever do, as most of the time it will not arrive. 2 years ago all i wanted was the mother of my baby to accept me, say she wanted me around and appreciate all the effort i thought i was making and when it never arrived i went into full self combustion, it looked like i did not care about my daughter as i never asked how she was, it looked like i never wanted to see my daughter as i always caused silly arguments and tried to control things...!!

You are certainly not alone, i fucked up, and i fucked up good and proper, i did all the hard work by winning an order and now i am having to do it all over again, but this time there is a chance the court wont help me...

As i said you are not alone in feeling the way you do, and remember there are people out there in alot worse situations, i know that does not help you much but i d like to think it can give you a nudge in the right direction and not give up hope.

Keep going!
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