Step-Dad - Am I Wrong

Hi Sg87,

I honestly don't think there is any right or wrong in your situation. Of course, whether or not you are able to claim CMS will be clear cut but whether you go down that route, or continue to pursue peace over all else is more tricky.

I think I'd personally be tempted to not rush into it and see how it goes for a little while with the contact. If he stayed away for 4 years, its quite possible that not much will come of it. Of course, you should also take your family's financial situation into account as well, there are a lot of factors. Either way, I'd encourage keeping open communication with your partner. I'm sorry if this doesn't help you reach an answer but I wish you all the best.

@midori28 

First off thank you for the response.

Financially, we manage comfortably as I have a well paid job, but that's our only income with my partner not working due to the 2 year old.

The absent father has already changed his reasons on court paperwork initially stating his absence was due to Mental Health issues, but managed to have a further two children in this period but later said he didn't know he was allowed contact (strange). This makes me think he's not doing it for the 6 year old but to score points, because he can!

Obviously, the main person in all this is the child, and maybe we are all a little rocked by the situation or worried for the impact this will have on the child as he doesn't know the biological father or remember him. 

I suppose because it's in my head this is a points battle and I don't think he's doing it for the child, I'm kind of battling back, and want to hit him where it hurts!

As the child has not been in contact for some time and does not know his biological father, then perhaps you could ask for initial contact to be supervised in a contact centre.  

@champagne yes 100%. That's for the court to decide on how the contact should work. Personally I would like them to wait until the child is older but it isn't about me, it's about what is right for the child.

My question was around 'hitting the biological father where it hurts' (like he is doing) and getting him to pay for the child he has never paid for?

I can understand that.  Would suggest you discuss with your partner.  Maybe take a deep breath not rush into things.  He'll have to pay for the contact centre so may lose interest at that point.  See how it goes for the time being - you can always do it later.

I would certainly discuss it with your partner. Since you don't need the money, then you could take the view that you claim maintenance, but put the money into savings for your children for later in life.

I agree that you should have the man put his money where is mouth is. Just because you can afford to support the little one, doesn't mean that his financial obligations cease to exist. If possible keep the "visitation" separate from the monetary matters. I would also suggest that all the meetings be supervised as hi undefined mental challenges call for a supervised environment. Ask for the money as that is part of being a responsible father on his part and no judge will deny him the opportunity to do what is right for his daughter. From the look of it once the situation becomes heated (money and supervision) he will probably return in the woodwork. If he did not show up till now there is little motives to stick around now. Do you have any updates?