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Hi Guys.
I'm 24 and I met my ex when I was 18. She fell pregnant 3 years later and we have a lovely son. Since my son was born I felt I had been pushed out emotionally. I was lucky if we were intimate once every couple of months and every time it was always me who wanted it and she didn't seem to be too bothered.
During the pregnancy I blamed the hormones, then once our son was born I blamed it on us both being tired. Not long after that we had a house fire where she suffered prolific burns to her hands and arms. Once she had recovered we got engaged. I felt it was the right thing to do (in hindsight I wasn't sure if it was what I wanted or whether I felt I had to).
Shortly after my father left my mother so we decided together that we would move in with her to support her emotionally as well as to save money for a house.
Things grew tense between her and my mother mainly her being cold or 'off' with my mother, not letting her play with our son etc. So I pushed for us to get a house quitting my job which I loved for a job which offered more money,
We got a house at the tail end of last year and things still weren't right...every time I tried to mention that i felt pushed out or unloved she got on the offensive and told me to stop making her feel bad/she's tired etc. She cared for our son everyday and thinks that because I sit at a desk all day I shouldn't be tired when I come home from work and made comments about me not bothing with our son. Eventually i felt like I was a doormat...just useful for bringin in the money.
I then met someone else (which I am ashamed of doing) she made me feel alive and happy again. I eventually got caught out and that night I moved back in with my mother. I did this to give her space, we decided to call it a day and she had some outbursts regarding the whole thing.
My phone went down the toilet, she cut up all of my clothes, crashed into my dads car which I had borrowed sold some of my belongings, punched me and keeps using our son against me.
I gave her until June to find her own place (as the house deeds and mortgage are all in my name and I was paying all of the bills whilst giving my mother money too)
It came to june and she hadn't moved out but I dint have the heart to put her on the streets so I moved in. Got a new bed moved into the spare room.
Whilst I was out of the house she worked out that because of the amount of time I have our son I owe around £200 per month child maintenance. I said because I am paying for the house she lives in wont be paying it.
Now I am back in the house I am still paying for everything and my debts have spiralled. I asked to day if she could go to Housing benefits and see how much she could get for being a lodger. She told me that she pays £200 to live in the house as she is not getting any Child maintenance.
I feel as though I am stuck between a rock and a hard place. If I kick her out my name will be mud where we live and I will probably not have much access to my son. But if she stays i'm likely to get into some serious debts.
I know this is a lengthy post but I have tried to explain all I can. Has anyone else been in a similar situation or got any helpful advice?
Hi there
I'm afraid whatever happens this is going to be financially painful for you.
As you both live under the same roof it might be worth arguing that as you pay all the bills and share the care of your son you shouldn't be required to pay maintenance. Perhaps you could claim working family tax credits as the child is resident with you as well, being under the same roof.
If you sell the property she would have a claim on a share of the equity as you have a child together. As the house is in your name and you are not married she couldn't apply for an occupation order or spousal maintenance.
It's not going to be easy, but I feel living under the same roof will only see the tensions remain and worsen with time....unless there is a chance at reconciliation.
It may be better to cut your losses, sell the property and share the equity so that she can set herself up in new accommodation. You would then pay maintenance and not be liable for her household bills. You could then sort out regular contact with your child either through mediation or if all else fails, court.