Welcome to the DAD.Info forum: Important Information – open to read:
Our forum aims to provide support and guidance where it can, however we may not always have the answer. The forum is not moderated 24 hours a day, so If you – or someone you know – are being harmed or in immediate danger of being harmed, call the police on 999.
Alternatively, if you are in crisis, please call Samaritans on 116 123.
If you are worried about you or someone you know is at risk of harm, please click here: How we can help
I’ve been through complete emotional turmoil these past few months, both relating to my son and to my marriage.
I’ve been subject of a section 17 enquiry with child services and whilst the outcome is reasonable the final report is utterly awful.
My wife has suggested domestic violence which I dispute but it’s written in the report in abundance.
Now she’s speaking with me again she’s telling me to my face she wants to work through things, but equally her recent actions are speaking louder than her words.
I’m torn between my heart which loves her (and wants to try anything to have a mother and father together for my son) and my head (which tells me to run for the hills, that I could never trust her and would be living in fear of her making something up at which point I’d probably be in even deeper dung than I am now).
Has anyone experienced similar or could offer any thoughts or perspective?
TIA
hi,
its difficult to tell as you have not given much info. how long were you married? what happened, and you still living together?
i have learnt that once someone shows their true colours and behaves in a nasty, heartless way, then to not go back to them as you will most likely get hurt even more. certainly not to a woman that uses children as weapons against their dad.
If you are considering going back, then I would suggest you use something like Relate to sort through any issues, and to set boundaries and conditions.
Hi. This has happened to me. In 2012,i found out my wife was having an affair. Massive arguments ensured for weeks after. One day during an argument she left to her mothers. That afternoon I was arrested. She done a 22 page statement against me for domestic violence. 4 weeks later it was NFAd by the police. We sorted things out, or so I thought.. She then reported her affair partner in 2013 of rape. This also went nowhere... We carried on in our marriage, until in May this year, I found her messaging someone on Instagram, dirty pics the lot.. Again we went through therapy, mainly for her, child hood issues... I was on eggshells after that. We had the normal arguments until 27th June she left with my 4 children to her mates house. Again that night I was arrested for false allegations again for DV.. I had to move out and she took out a non molestation order against me. All lies again.. She stole all the money, 18000, and left me homeless. Its been 3 months she won't let see the children... Sin e found out she's been having yet another affair, which I believe was going on before I was forced out. I'm on that horrible journey, and I despair...
I feel your pain; I’ve never felt so emotionally drained. The situation, the emotions, the heart vs the head constantly swilling around. It’s almost like my brain short circuits every time I try to think rationally because it either can’t or doesn’t want to handle it.
Each person I’ve told (whilst there aren’t many as it’s very sensitive) is telling me to get out and I know [censored] well that if I was looking at me from the outside I’d be screaming this at myself too.
I’ve learned the hard way before now to listen closely to those you know that you can trust but that aren’t as emotionally involved.
But it’s not that easy, some of us it seems will run ourselves into the ground for just a glimmer of a chance of normality for ourselves and our children.
I hope things work out for you
Welcome to the DAD.info forum.
We don’t like to set ‘rules’, but to make sure that you and the other dads are kept safe, we have some requests. When engaging with the forum, please be aware of the following:
- The forum is not moderated 24 hours per day.
- Many of the moderators do so on a voluntary basis. Whilst they may be able to provide some guidance, advice or support, they may not be able to deal with specifics.
- We are not an emergency crisis service so if you or someone else is in immediate danger, please call emergency services.
- If you are concerned about the safety of a child, please click here to find the support you can get for them (link to new page)
- If you are in crisis, please call Samaritans on 116 123. They are open 24 hours a day, 7 days per week.
We hope you find this forum a supportive environment and thank you for joining us.