[Solved] Will I Get Over the Abuse?

Hi Justdad, I have read and digested everything you have said. I feel for you I really do, knowing that you're children may/will likely be subjected to the same abuse as you whilst in her care is enough for you to feel physically sick and very helpless. Have you spoken with social services, or your GP abut your concerns? Do you have PR? Perhaps speak to CAB to see if there are support groups for you to access, and keep on posting on here so we all know that you are ok. My ex is the same, and after over 6 yrs post divorce they are still as bad as ever. You have to find coping mechanisms, join the gym, go running, meet up with friends, whatever it takes to get you through. When the ex has you're children ensure you have things planned/booked for your free time. Make time for you and be kind to yourself. Document everything no matter how small as it may be relevant later on. Keep your chin up and don't stop smiling :silly:

Sorry, life has gotten in the way of me replying.

I'm now four months down the line and still haven't seen my children.

I am representing myself in court and that is coming up very soon. I've had my meeting with CAFCASS which I think went well although the report is due shortly so I will know more then.

I went to court and was found not guilty of harassment but they issued her a restraining order on acquittal so I can't communicate with her which is a blessing in disguise I think.

I cannot describe the pain and anguish. It is unbearable and unthinkable. The fact any human being can do this to another with no reason at all is just beyond belief, let alone to do it to innocent children.

I record video diaries regularly and I will make sure my children see them when they are over 16 so they know dad didn't ever give up or stop thinking about them.

I cry lots still - even more so when I know what she is saying about me - that I sexually and verbally abused her. None of it is true and I can disprove an awful lot of it so, when the time comes in court I will make a stand.

Ultimately?

I just want to be a father to our children, I couldn't care less about what she does or wants.

They are the priority, they are just 8 months old. They need their father and they will get him because I will never give up.

No matter how many times she has me arrested for nothing, no matter how many lies she tells, I will be there and that's a promise to myself.

Difficult is not the word.....

... I think we can all relate to your anguish jd. Try not to dwell too much on the things you can't change, don't allow her cruelty in...concentrate on the job at hand and try and leave your emotions out of it, you will cope much better if you are able to do that.

Your children are still so young and they will not remember any of this, which is something to focus on....by the time this is over and done with they will still be too young to remember or to understand and you can get on with being their Dad. 🙂

Your attitude is excellent I think - keep going, and keep the video diaries up, I have always thought those an excellent idea as it's something very personal they can see when they are older. Good luck with the hearing

I had a win in court this week.

We were transferred from the Magistrates to County and the District Judge instantly read between the lines in our statements and ordered a short period of supervised contact as CAFCASS had suggested.

So I have half a dozen sessions to get through, an ex who is probably fuming and out for my blood as a result.

I suspect this is still very early days as in I will face years of problems with this toxic woman. I know now, however, that the court will ensure proper contact - as in shared care will happen some time next year and the relief is immense.

Finally I know I will be able to protect my children or at the very least arm them for a difficult life with their mother!

Relieved, emotional, still missing her for some reason and elated at this minor win!

Will keep you updated.

...as I said earlier, your children are still so young and you will be able to re-establish your bond with them before you know it!

Some women calm down and back off once they realise they can't do just as they please....let's hope your ex is one of those. It would help if you can put this behind you both now, perhaps in time you might be able to get on a little better for the sake of the children.

All the best moving forward.

...Ive just noticed that you had tagged your post onto the end of another members thread, as you have received a number of replies i think it's better to move yours to its own thread.

Thanks Mojo.

Tough situation, she has been swept up in the hysteria and told how to handle the situation which of course means painting me as the bad guy. That hurts a lot, I'm actually one the most decent and honest people you could imagine.

Trouble is, single mum, two babies and a disabled child instantly garner support and sympathy whereas I've been battered and bruised emotionally. Not only for the four and a half years I suffered in terms of her control issues but now as some kind of raping wife beating monster.

The truth of the matter is that I would just like my family back in one piece. That's highly unlikely now and I am sure the emotional wounds will heal and that my sense of self worth and pride will return.

With contact arranged I can now look forward to giving everything I have to my young twins and making sure they don't ever pick up on her morals or values in terms of treating the innocent so badly.

None of this is easy. I wake up trembling and crying regularly, reaching out and trying to move on doesn't work as it's way too early for me - I've tried and failed there.

Onwards and upwards I guess.

This time next year we'll be millionaires 🙂