[Solved] Wife says it’s over

Hi Pinkman

Thats great to hear, if all the alternative suggestions and solutions that we have all put forward have helped you to narrow down what you need to agree then thats great.

The last thing I'd advise is that you may want to consider getting a solicitor to represent you (not a joint one) and review the agreement to ensure that it is water tight with no loop holes...

This forum is littered with examples of where things have broken down, agreements not kept to leading to lots more heart ache and costs higher than what they would be to just review and arrange a consent order. Ultimately the decision is yours.

Some of the key changes of circumstances that lead to acrimony (and thus not keeping to the agreement) to be mindful are you or especially your ex finding a new partner, accident or illness, your son chooses not to see you, disputes over asset values, financial changes etc..

All the best.

Thank you all for your help.

We talked some more and I think we’ve agreed. We will both get solicitors to look things over and get a consent order drawn up. I’m confident things can be put to bed within a week or two.

Now to find somewhere to live.

One other option, if you can agree between yourselves, is to use a divorce service. I've used one in the past, and on the basis that my ex and I came to an amicable agreement beforehand, they simply did all of the paperwork for us. The only problem with a solicitor is that, if you aren't careful, they will start saying that you can do better out of the divorce settlement, and if both party's solicitors are doing this, then it becomes a battle and you both end up paying more in solicitors fees than you could gain in a better settlement. A divorce service is usually a fixed cost agreed up front (usually a few hundred pounds) and generally stress free.

Okay Pinkman,
If you are happy about this then good fortune.
It still sounds like a recipe for disaster to me, there are so many things that could go wrong in the next 5 years to scupper this plan. I just hope I’m not reading about one of them in a few year’s time.
I hope it all goes well for you and your son.
O

Well I’d hoped all was resolved but I was wrong!!

We agreed a financial consent order which was signed off by the courts. I found a new house and moved at the start of June. 

We agreed in mediation that for the first month I’d have son for dinner on Wednesdays but he’d go home to sleep then we’d have alternate weekends. Then in July we would switch to a more shared custody arrangement whereby she would have Monday and Tuesday nights, I’d have Wednesday and Thursday nights then we’d have alternate weekends of Friday through Sunday nights. 

She had reservations about the July arrangement but said she was willing to give it a go. 

Now she’s refusing to try the second part of the arrangement as she says that my first weekend fell apart as I could only have him one night instead of three due to problems in my house. She says that my inability to even deliver as agreed on the first weekend shows that this will never work.

Ive told her that I’ll be proceeding as agreed and collecting son from school on Wednesday and Thursday as agreed and he’ll be staying at mine in 2 and 5 day blocks as previously agreed. 

She says she wants maintenance but I say it’s not due as we will be sharing care. 

Am I correct in thinking we have equal custody rights and she can’t stop me from having him on our previously agreed days?

hi,

where the childrens arrangement sorted out in court with an order? with child maintenance, there is no maintenance to pay where both parents have equal day-to-day care of children.

Child arrangements were made in mediation that we both agreed to trial. We reached the agreement shortly before I moved out. 

ok so seems like there's nothing legally binding, and would be easy for her to stop arrangements. see how it goes. if it gets worse you could look at taking legal route.

No nothing legally binding. 

She says as I’ve breached the original agreement in mediation that she’s not happy to proceed to the next step and that we’ll have to go to court to firm up plans. 

Can I just proceed with what was agreed anyway and pick up son from school and have him at mine on what should be my nights? She is saying that if I do that then the court will look on my behaviour badly. 

Hi

You both have PR so you can yes but she's probably right that if you were not able to stick to what was agreed at mediation for whatever reason and then took this course of action which wasnt mutually agreed then it may not look too favourable.

Interesting you mentioned that she wants maintenance, potentially she is taking a harder stance to avoid shared care so that you have to pay maintenance.. 

@pinkman you could contact mediators again and saying your running into problems and you want to have a consent order written up, so its legally binding as court order.

@Daddyup she wants maintenance as I didn’t give her anything in the year we were separated but living in the same house as she was getting the child benefit and I still paid half the bills and mortgage. 

She also says that this month I’ll have only had 4 overnights and that regardless of that I want I still can’t commit to half school holidays. Which she’s right about, but her parents have always been the childcare providers during school holidays. I’ll just have my overnights and drop him round there instead of school.