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This is the third time she has threatened to ignore our daughter to stop me from going to work. I'm a school teacher and have taken one day off in the last three years. That day was the second time she refused to look after our daughter. She locked herself in a room. The first time, it was inconceivable she wouldn't care for her, so I left the house with baby dressed, fed and watered. I haven't found emergency childcare and I don't have any friends or family nearby to help.
She has been asking for divorce on and off since before baby was born (I know I probably should have left her, but I wouldn't change anything that brought my daughter into existence). I used to think she would mention divorce to get her own way. Now, I think that she does do that, but also, she does want to split. She invests no emotional life into the relationship. If I'm with the baby, she ignores us both, which obviously upsets the baby.
I'll be honest, I'm prepared to stick out all kinds of ridiculous behaviour to look after my daughter. Although it's not doing anyone any good. I'd give up the lot just to keep the baby, but from what I've heard of UK courts is that unless she is an addict or has convictions she'll get full custody - this would not be in the baby's best interests.
What does it take to get full custody?
hi and welcome.
Realistically, if you went for residency, what arrangements could you make for the baby's welfare while you are working? Without any practical arrangements, you are going to have a huge mountain to climb, and even with arrangements in place, your best hope would probably be shared residency.
Has your wife considered that if you were divorced, she'd have no choice but to look after your child, and a lot more of that would be on her own, without your to help?
Have you thought about trying Relate though, to see if there is any way forwards to save the marriage?
Hi there
Have there been bonding issues between the mother and child, her behaviour doesn't sound normal to me and I find her lack of emotional and maternal instincts worrying.
Have you involved any agencies? ...I think your daughters Health Visitor would be a good starting point and it might be a good idea to talk to your GP, it could be something like post natal depression perhaps?
Relate is a good suggestion by actd, here's a link
www.relate.org.uk
Hi Hugin,
I'm so sorry you are in such a difficult position.
What you were after is advice on residency should you separate from your wife. I'm afraid you were pretty well right to start with, and ACTD has confirmed your thoughts.
There is huge (and pretty illogical) bias against fathers in the family court system, and even if you really tried hard it is very unlikely that you would do better than get shared residency, unless that is your wife did not want to keep her daughter (pretty unlikely, even if she does not have emotional ties, due to the very strong causal connection between residency and money). When I separated from my son's mother I was fortunate in being able to retire from work, had a good income, savings, several properties and the inclination to look after my son, but even so only managed to achieve shared residency such is the bias against men. That does not mean it is not worth trying, just be prepared for an uphill struggle and for other aspects of your life (your career for example) to suffer.
Unfortunately it does sound like your wife has decided to leave the marriage and will use any tool at her disposal to do so (I suspect she will not leave your home though as she will want to get a good share of the estate and your future income). This is a pretty well trodden path I'm afraid.
You sound like a good, responsible parent and I hope things turn out well for you and your daughter.
Best wishes,
AO