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OK, beginning of october wife told me that my eight year old isn't my eight year old and that she has been in contact with the so called "dad" with my terrors present, i was informed that she was making all the choices and even tho there had been the small cracks in the ten years we'd been together this didn't help.
well end of october we decided to go our seperate ways, she said to me "i want the girls, you can have the boys" then after relising that one of them was a daddies girl through and through she said "in that case i'll take * (our youngest) you can have * (daddies girl).
well at this point i said there's the door you best leave, with which she stood up picked up some clothes for her and my eight year old, handed me the front door and left, since then she stayed with the the "dad" sharing a bed till a couple of weeks back i helped her find accomedation, raise deposit and move.. even tho since having her own roof she's had him there every night.
right what i would like to know;
1, do i have to allow her to have our kids staying over, if he's there? (i mean he could be anything and/or do anything)
2, how often should i let her have the kids? (i've offered her alternative weekends and wednesday thursday friday one week, thursday friday the next week) am i offering to much... what would the courts say? can i make her have them less ie thursday friday saturday sunday one week, thursday friday the next?
3, how often can i ask to see my eight year old???
and finally she has threatened to make allegations against me for child and adult abuse if i don't jump high enough, she walked out yet now she's saying i threw her out...
PLUS child benefit will take twelve weeks, income support will not help till i have proof of child benefit and tax credits are a joke,
i also can't get legal aid as i can't prove i have income support...
HELP ME PLEASE
Hi there
Welcome to Dadtalk - and thank you for sharing this with us.
What a stressful time you have had, however I am not an expert in dealing with matters such as this but I have asked our experts in the legal team to help you. It may take a couple of days for them to get back to you but please bear with us.
Good luck
Mario
My thoughts on this initially are concerned with the affect on the children all of your wife's actions are having. I believe that one of the most important things is that children should stay together and not be split between parents (maybe that's just me). One thought though is if your eight year old isn't yours, then who's name is on the birth certificate, and if it's yours, does this mean that your wife knowingly made a false declaration as such when the birth was registered? If you can answer these questions, I think it might give the Childrens Legal Centre more to go on - this isn't one that I'd even try to advise on, it really needs the experts here. 🙂
As for allegations of child abuse - it's a tricky one, but she has no evidence, and the children are old enough to give information to the police and Cafcass, so don't cave in on this, otherwise it will always be something she can hold over you.
Possibly this post needs to be in the Legal section.
Dear jdmex
As you are married to your wife you have parental responsibility for the children. However, you will not have parental responsibility for the child that is not biologically yours. Parental responsibility, in everyday terms, means an ability to have an input into major decisions relating to the children.
When it comes to making contact arrangements, it is up to the resident parent to decide, while the children are too young to decide for themselves, what level of contact to allow the non-resident parent. Therefore for the children that are residing with you it is up to you to decide how often they see their mother. You can state that you are willing to allow contact however that you are not happy for overnight contact to take place if you do have any concerns.
If you do allow contact to take place then you should be aware that if your wife decided to keep the children overnight it would be difficult for you to take any immediate action. The police are unlikely to become involved as you both have parental responsibility and will only remove a child when there is a perceived risk.
It is up to you to decide how much contact your wife has. There are no set guidelines which govern how much contact a resident parent should allow as every situation is different. Therefore if you feel that you are currently offering too much contact then you can reduce this. If your wife is not happy with the contact that you are allowing then she can apply to the court for the court to decide what contact is appropriate.
Likewise, it is possible for your wife to decide how much contact you have with your 8 year old whilst she is the resident parent. If you are not happy with the amount of contact that your wife is offering then we would suggest first of all requesting mediation.
Family mediation is often a positive step which is useful in situations where two parents cannot reach an agreement. You will both sit down and try to come to an agreement regarding contact arrangements with an independent third party present to assist negotiations. It is important to note that an agreement made in mediation is not legally binding however it demonstrates clear intent of both parties. If you feel that mediation may assist you in making an agreement with your wife then you can contact National Family Mediation ( http://www.nfm.org.uk ) on 01392 271610 for further information.
We hope this information has been useful to you however if you feel that you need further advice then please call the Child Law Advice Line on 08088 020 008.
Kind regards
Children’s Legal Centre
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