[Solved] Why am I sabotaging my marriage?

The only word of caution I would sound is that when you meet someone else, that can put a real strain on the relationship you have with your ex, so you need to be very careful about that. Having said that, they way you two are working for the benefit of your son is really a lesson in how things really should be, and I hope that it does continue like this - plenty of divorced couples do manage this, it's just that those are the stories that don't get told.

Hi mate,

Thanks for the reply, I think it's really admirable the way you and your ex-wife have handled the situation. Sounds like you've done an incredible job of minimising the trauma for your child of divorcing parents. I'm glad it's works out for you to allow you to be happy. (I'm kind of jealous as you've gone through all the hard part of separation and pulled through the other side and you're happy).

I just can't bring myself to make the decision, I almost want my wife to as I know deep down that's the best thing for both of us. Soon as I think of the kids I buckle and think just carry on the way we are you never know it might improve. Our relationship isn't toxic at the minute but each time there is a disagreement/argument it always comes back to what I have done 🙁 I honestly can't see us moving forward at the minute.

Never mind, maybe one day I'll pluck up the courage (but I find it hard to leave behind all the history/break the family up). I keep thinking there is something wrong with me and I should be happy because she's not actually that bad a person.

Anyway, thanks again for replying it's really appreciated.

Take care dude.

Have you thought about couples counselling? It can be done via email, or over the phone now... it doesn't have to be face to face.

www.relate.org.uk

Thanks Mojo, unfortunately we already tried that about 2.5 years ago but my wife didn't like it. I have suggested it again recently and I don't feel it's an option as she doesn't want to try that.

All I can do is be the best dad I can to my kids, I'm nearly at the point where I feel I've given everything I can so maybe in the new year I can make a fresh start. Sorry to hijack the thread but thanks to all who offered advice to AztecApe (OP) and also myself.

I'm pretty sure that the OP has absolutely no problem with you sharing the thread, your problems are pretty similar and I think,it's good that it gives you a point of reference and something good to aim for.

That's a shame about her not wanting to try counselling... I think you're right to concentrate on your kids though, Christmas is just around the corner and it's a special time for our children, so it makes good sense to get that done and think about a new start in the new year.

We're here if you need to talk.

All the best