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Hey guys. Cut a long story short, I haven't seen my daughter in about 4 years. I've recently been through court and been advised that writing letters is the way forward. I've contacted NYAS and they haven't been very helpful. They've only offered contact at £35 an hour (great how you have to pay to see your child)
So anyway, I've on month 4 now, and there's nothing in the court order to say what should happen next. I don't wanna go back through the court system and want to come up with an agreement with my ex (which will be difficult) I want to know what others opinions are in terms of going forward.
Should I increase the number of letters to every 2 weeks. Write once a month and suggest a phone call once a week? Skype call? I'm not sure whats the best way to proceed.
She seems positive in the letters but is still a little confused as she knows another man as daddy and describes me as "daddy ......" i sent her a card and toy for her birthday and I was sent a picture of her playing with it. She signs her letter with a smiley face. My ex always tells me I'm rushing things and I can't just turn up and expect to be father of the year (I just want a relationship with my child) She's 5 now. So yeah, any opinions/suggestions would be a real help.
Thanks in advance
Hi there
It sounds like the child's mother is at least supporting the indirect contact, it's not uncommon for indirect contact to go unanswered so getting replies and pictures does sound positive.
A suggestion to increase the letters or introduce skype sounds like a sensible proposal of progression, so perhaps you could start by putting this to the mother. Given there has been such a long gap in contact, any progression will need to be taken slowly and at your daughter's pace. Agreeing what this pace should be will be the difficult part as you and the mother are likely to have different ideas.
I would advise putting this in writing to the mother and see what happens. If you're unable to reach agreement by yourselves, mediation might be something that you could consider. An agreement made that way isn't legally binding but the fact the mother is supporting indirect contact would indicate a positive first step.
Keep posting and we will do what we can to support you. Good luck!
Thanks Yoda, and I appreciate the link to NFM. I've just sent my application off to them. The mother is less than impressed that I'm on the scene and I think if we have a mediator involved, not only will this prove that I'm sticking around. Hopefully they can provide some sensible advice in terms of progressing forward. I know this will take time but if she has her way, I'll be writing letters till my daughter is 16. Thanks again for your help and I'll certainly post again if I need any further help.