[Solved] Want to leave wife but concerned for son

Does your Wife see any health professional other than her gp for mental health issues? Rather than social services, you may be better suited speaking to the health visitor, and asking if she can arrange an appointment for you both to see a CPN or community psychiatric nurse, who will be far better placed to assess the situation you are both in at the moment, as well as to offer help and treatment your Wife may need.

The sooner you make these concerns known to the relative parties, the better.

Hello Den-J,

I can see where GuyVexille is coming from but I don't believe any health professional would discuss your wife's problems as it would be a serious breach of confidentiality. If you suggest this option to your wife and she agrees to see the community psychiatric nurse there could be some benefit from all three of you meeting together but I think your wife would have to initiate this.

They are married, and he is the father of the child, speaking to a health visitor is perfectly fine. I didn't suggest that he try to discuss her issues, only that he made them known to the relevant people. He is her husband, he is well within his rights to seek help. She doesn't have to agree, but lots of people with mental health issues, either don't see it, or refuse to accept it.

Thanks for the advice. She realises that she has mental health issues and has been in contact with her doctor about getting some professional help, though this was back in February and still we are waiting, though I feel she doesn't really want to get help as she's been to see professionals about her mental health problems in the past and she said its never worked for her, I believe the reason for that is because she doesn't really want the help, you've got to want it to make it better.

She's also very opinionated, she believes she's right about everything and anything I suggest or say to her just gets brushed off. I used to be very good at managing money before I met her, yet I'm now in a lot of debt due to her using my credit card. She went bankrupt before I met her but she claimed this was due to her ex partner... I'm starting to think it was more her. She tells me that we will never be debt free and that's just part of having a family.

She will not move from the four bedroom house we are in because it's her 'dream house' yet we cannot afford the rent, we struggle to feed ourselves let alone our son which is why we're getting into so much debt, and now she's desperate to have another child. On top of this she has just found out she is being made redundant from work, and that's where most of the income is currently coming from!

I'd like to be able to enjoy life and give my son a good life, mix with other people and show him that there's a lot more to life, not being shut away everyday whilst I get stressed because we are getting into more and more debt.

I guess I just needed to rant, I've had enough and I could easily walk away, I know for a fact that if I did, I could easily pay up my debts along with raising my son. I have so much help and support available to me back where I came from. Here I feel lonely, caged and stressed everyday, I feel like I don't have a life any more.

Again I appreciate the advice, I have argued so much with my wife about these issues yet my thoughts and feelings count for nothing when expressing these worries, it's her way or no way, and if that's the case then I feel she should just go it alone.

Hi there

I think speaking to the Health Visitor is a good idea and not just about your wifes mental health, the health of your child is at risk because of the conditions she insists onkeeping the animals in. Take some photos and go along to see the health visitor. If your wife is refusing to do anything about it then I see that as a clear risk to your son and at that point you would be within your rights to remove him for his own safety.

It's not safe to assume that because of your wife's mental health issues that the court would award you custody I'm afraid, the more proof you have that she is unable to cope the better and involving the various agencies will leave a record of your concerns.

Have you told her that you want to return back to the area where your family live? Rather than lose you might she agree to the move if you give her an ultimatum?

I can understand that you are worried what she will do if you leave, but your priority is your son and also your own well being and sometimes there's only so much you can do before it gets too much. At the moment you feel as if you are helpless and have lost control of your life. It's difficult to take that first step to take back control, but that first step is the hardest and once it's taken it becomes much easier.

All the best

Thank you for the advice, I think it would be a good idea to speak to the health visitor, though I don't know how my wife would feel if I brought up these issues?

The depression is the worst part of it all really. I used to suffer badly with anxiety, though over the past couple of years I've been getting a lot better, to the point that it isn't an issue. However, since moving in with my wife my mood has dropped and I feel like I'm falling into depression along with her, my work is suffering, I used to love my job and now that I've been living with my wife and transferring to a new place of work, I struggle so much in my job, even the people there talk about how down I am, it's horrible.

My wife just acts like everything is fine, she said she couldn't live without me and she's glad I'm in her life, though she just doesn't see the issues, I have lived in hope that things would get better but they only seem to be getting worse.

I'll contact the health visitor and explain to them about the situation, though I feel even this would cause arguments with my wife unless I do it without her knowing, though I'm guessing the health visitor will raise these issues with my wife anyway once I speak to her.

Again, I thank you for the advice, I appreciate it.

Hi there

You could ask the Health Visitor to keep your discussion in confidence, explain to her the awful rows it would cause if she knew you had been discussing things and that you have tried to get your wife to understand the health implications for your baby but she is not cooperating. I'm sure the Health Visitor would be discreet and could calL round to see how mum and baby are getting on.

If you took some photos at least the health visitor will understand the situation better and perhaps you can discuss with her how best to tackle it.

Best of luck