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The list is too long to tell all, but in a nutshell.
My wife of 18 years is showing all the hallmarks of seeing another (one at least) person.
Emotionally disengaged from me and our children.
Working more than ever.
Spoiling herself with fancy clothes.
Losing weight.
Constantly criticising me.
Etc. etc.
Now the seedy stuff.
1. Deleted texts.
2. Deleted call history.
3. Staying out with 'friends' until 3 and 4 in the morning.
4. Records of texting other men.
5. Complete meltdown when I asked her to discuss/look at phone records.
Like I said the list is very long.
I'm sure there's more than one person involved simply due to number of texts she's been sending plus there's 80+ numbers she's texted which aren't listed on her 'contacts'.
She's been in houses that she won't explain why she was in there - point blank refusal to discuss.
She's met people on industrial estates.
She's admitted to having a second 'payg' phone.
One of the most disturbing aspects of all this is one man in particular seems to be at the hub, he's a 'friend' and his wife is 'friends' with my wife.
She constantly defends him (he's a bit of a knob).
She's calls his wife (even though they socialise together).
He has been to our house to sort her iTunes out (euphemism lol).
With hindsight when we've been out in couples they danced together inappropriately (I hadn't realised it at the time as I trusted them both!).
They've sent flirty texts to one another.
She kicked me out a few weeks ago (I'm home for now).
Their relationship isn't 'right'.
Crucially last week, I'd had a meeting with my wife (whilst I was still out of the home) and she constantly pressed me about money (equity/savings etc.) and said she 'no longer wanted me'.
After our meeting she went straight to a local supermarket which I purely instinctively found odd. Shortly after I drove past his house and saw his car wasn't there, I drove back to the supermarket and I found their cars parked 20 feet apart.
I loitered around and he appeared 5 minutes later and drove off.
I went in store and confronted my wife.
I told her she must go and speak with his wife and come clean or I'd do it. I left her shell shocked at the store and crying.
My phone after this point was abuzz from her.
'I'm innocent, I want you back, I've only ever loved you, the children need Daddy home, I want my husband back etc. etc'.
She was distraught.
Only one hour before these texts she was asking me about finances and not wanting me any more then she was begging me to come home. Bizarre eh? Or not.
I've since returned home as I was missing the kids but I'm completely confused.
I now find on her flash drive images of my friend and his son. (none of the wife incidentally). Some of the images are from before we even met this couple, why would she have these images on her personal flash drive (there's excel spreadsheets and word documents relating to me - diary full of lies and income/expenditure if she can keep our house if we divorce) how would she have obtained them? Is she stalking him/them?
I'm completely heartbroken by this and at a loss what to do.
Shall I approach his wife?
I feel like leaving but can't face leaving the kids behind, I can't face staying at my Mums.
I can't see us coming back from this, what to do?
Thanks
Hi there
As you say, these are all the hallmarks of an affair... this must be so distressing for you.
I can't really tell you whether you should approach his wife or not, might it not be better to confront him directly first?
I wouldn't advise you to leave the family home at the moment, there are financial implications that need consideration. I'm no expert about this side of things though so it might be a good idea to get some legal advice.
Your children will need the support of both of you if this leads to a separation. Please be careful not to involve them in any arguments or make them feel they should take sides... I'm pretty sure they will be sensing that things are not right and you both need to give them lots of reassurance.
Hi There,
This is a really tough one, A lot of what you do next will hinge on what you want the outcome to be?
If you want to make a go of it and get things back to where they were then I would suggest you get an appointment with a relate counsellor and both go together so you can talk things through and get everything out in the open, Relate will be able to suggest things that will help you re build the relationship and re build the trust that is lost.
If you have decided that you no longer want this relationship after what you have found out, and I would say that by looking so deep as you have you have lost all trust then you will need to try and sort out a plan to be able to separate and keep things as amicable as possible, but more importantly keep things as nice as possible for your children.
If it's the later then take a look at this link as it should help you with some ideas to create a plan that doesn't your children too much upset
http://dadinfo.splittingup-putkidsfirst.org.uk/home
Of course there is a chance that you are reading too much into this and your wife has an innocent friendship with this chap (and or others) but you won't know until she will talk to you about it, so before you make any rash decisions I would try relate so you can at least talk things through, by doing relate even if you decide that things aren't right and you still feel that the relationship is over, I feel it would give you a better understanding of why it's over which is normally the biggest issue when a relationship breaks down. Most of the time one or both don't really know the true reasons the relationship is over and that can cause resent towards the other which causes lots of issues further down the line.
Hope this helps.
GTTS
Hi GTTS....we've got a duplicate posting situation here! Adamthelama has posted the same in the welcome section which I responded to...perhaps a joining of the two might be in order?
Hi GTTS....we've got a duplicate posting situation here! Adamthelama has posted the same in the welcome section which I responded to...perhaps a joining of the two might be in order?
done, and cleaned up π
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