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:boohoo:
Background - My partner and I separated 3 years ago - we have a 6 year old son together. We have an amicable arrangement in terms of who has care on what days/nights during the week (2 week rotation), with alternating years for Christmas and New Year care. This year is the first year that both of us have new partners and my son is staying with me this Christmas.
However, my new partner and my ex partner do not get on at all (the last encounter resulted in an irrational outburst by the ex-partner [by her own later admission]) and the ex partner is wanting to come to my house on Christmas Eve and tuck him in. If that happens, my new partner refuses to be in the house for xmas eve and xmas day, owing to the upset caused last time.
Ex-partner is protesting that she 'has the right to see her son and do this on Christmas Eve'. New partner is feeling that I am simply going to bow down and roll over because 'she says jump... ' etc. Both sides are suggesting that I grow [censored] and I haven't got a clue what to do. No matter which way I go I'm bound to upset/offend someone.
I haven't (subtly) asked son what he would like to happen. Does anyone have any advice as to how to go about this?
Your time with your child should be free from interuption or interference. I would tell the ex that she cannot tuck your child in.
Only you knows how that will go down however.
Can you negotiate that your ex has a limited time, say 20 minutes, and ask your new partner if she will "walk the dog" during this time?
Regards,
Dave
Hi LancyDad,
This is absurd and I can understand your new partners reaction!
During your contact time the other parent doesn't have the right to interfere in this way. As long as the child is safe and well looked after you are fulfilling your obligations! What you do, who you see, and where you go are decisions for you to make during your time with your child.
It would be totallŷ wrong to involve your son in this and ask him to decide, it just wouldn't be fair!
It isn't a matter of growing a pair but having mutual respect and accepting that you both have the right to be fully involved in your little boys life, that includes accepting that you have both moved on with your lives.
Did you insist on being there to tuck him in when it was your ex's turn?
Perhaps a compromise might be to agree to indirect contact, a phone call or Skype so that mum can say goodnight....thats as far as you should go in my opinion.
Unfortunately it's too late to organise mediation, but you might like to consider this to lay down some ground rules for the future.
Indirect contact is a good idea.........