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The relationship fe...
 
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[Solved] The relationship feels over

 
(@crstein)
Active Member Registered

I am reaching out for some external thoughts and perceptions.

I've been married for almost 10 years. We have two children together who are under 10. The relationship feels as if it is over. There is no proximity, no shared interests, no shared vision, different communication styles and patterns and no affection. Having read the statement of others, we appear to have a very common issue where we see the same things very differently and we cannot find a middle ground.

We have been to couples counselling, individual counselling and the Parents as Partners group work. Certain things I've found helpful and others she has found helpful but nothing has brought sustained change and, though I speak for myself, I feel I it might be the same for her, we're asking ourselves, even if we do try again aren't we just going to fall down again too?

Neither of us want to leave and we are both very scared of the prospect of poor mental and physical health resulting from a significant increase in pressure.

Sleeping through the night seems to be impossible. I've stayed away from any form of self-medication, though I cannot deny there is a strong temptation just to space out and forget. I use exercise as a diversion but with the lack of sleep, I'm beginning to worry about the sustainability of that because I will ultimately end up hurting myself through general fatigue. Work is good and meaningful, though uncertain due to financial issues at the organisational level and finances are generally secure, though that too often seems like a mirage waiting to fall.

Thank you for taking the time to read this. It means a lot to me.

Quote
Topic starter Posted : 14/11/2018 1:38 pm
(@got-the-tshirt)
Famed Member Registered

Hi There,

You have gone down the routes that we would normally recommend, you have used councillors both jointly and individually and this hasn't made this any clearer for you.

It would seem that although you have both got something from the counselling it was different would it be possible to work on those things individually or did those things not really help in getting things back on track?

This is going to be a decision only the 2 of you can make, and as said you have tried what we would normally recommend, that said talking is always going to be the best option whether that be just the 2 of you or with a 3rd party present,

GTTS

ReplyQuote
Posted : 14/11/2018 4:38 pm
(@crstein)
Active Member Registered

Thank you for replying.

I just cannot bear the idea of leaving the children and not being able to find a solution. I also know that our issues are spilling over into more frequent arguments that the children are very aware of. Our eldest is showing signs of impact and I'm so upset this is happening.

ReplyQuote
Topic starter Posted : 14/11/2018 7:20 pm
(@dadmod4)
Illustrious Member

I know you've been to couples counselling, but it might be worth going back to Relate to see if you can talk through how to separate rather than how to stay together.

ReplyQuote
Posted : 15/11/2018 1:18 am
 Mojo
(@Mojo)
Illustrious Member Registered

Hi there

If you’re not sleeping through the night, this is bound to have an efffect on your mood and your ability to think clearly... might a short course of medication to help you sleep early worth a try? Just to get you back into a proper sleep pattern.

Perhaps your anxiety about the future isn’t helpIng... I have read that CBD oil can also help relax and is completely legal, this might also be something to consider.

The basics are so important to general health and well being, make sure you are eating well and get the lack of sleep sorted and you may find that you will feel more able to cope.

Best of luck

ReplyQuote
Posted : 16/11/2018 7:01 pm
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