[Solved] Strained marriage

Hey guys,

Thought i'd post on here as me and the wife are having a hard time of things atm and i think its threatening or marriage.

We'll have been married 3 years in august, have a 2 yr old daughter (3 in nov) and my wifes 7 yr old son from a prev relationship. It was kind of a whirlwind marriage, I met her while I was in the army, 8 months later she falls pregnant and 4 months later we were married before I left for afghan, then left the army on return. I was in the army for 7 years, from when I was 19, and I feel like this is a big problem for me now as i'll talk about in a bit.

Everythings blown up after she said she wanted to go on a slimming world diet, which I'm not happy with, we have both put on a little bit of weight since getting together and having our daughter, about 1 or 2 stone each, but I know that on my side this is because I have stopped exercising since leaving the army(b/c i'm tired with getting up during the night etc) , i have a good metabolism and I know I can shift the weight from the last 2 years with 1 month of a decent exercise routine, as such I am refusing to eat [censored] couscous and squuezed lemon for lunch at work as I know that I just need to eat healthier in general and exercise more to get back to fighting fitness!

3 years ago I was in the army, travelling the world, snowboarding twice a year, summer holiday every year, playing poker in my spare time, eating whatever I wanted, and just generally doing whatever the [censored] I wanted to do, whenever I wanted to do it.

Fast forward to today, my wifes trying to get me to be supportive and join in on this diet, which she says she can't do without me doing it (for financial reasons as we dont have enough £ to do effectively 1.5 weekly shops getting both of us food), we recently drew up a rota for me to play poker at night after work, which works out to about 45 hrs a month (most of which is time at night when she is working anyways and out of the house) and I don't play any outside of that, I barely see my mates as we moved across town to be closer to her family as she doesnt drive, this means that I can't just nip into the pub anymore as I now have to drive there and only have a half or something, we are also doing a debt management plan that she has drawn up to clear our debts and save for a holiday in florida in 2 years time, she's took my bank card off me and I get a card with some money on it for fuel to get to work, like theres a bit extra on there to get a paper or w/e at work but not enough to do anything with.

After the big arguement about the diet I was txting my mate about it all and said she was controlling, controls me playing poker, controls my spending and now she wants to control what I have for lunch..... Now I realise that we're saving up for a holiday, I rota time for poker so that we can spend time together, and she wants to diet because she is putting on weight, has a sore back from the epidural so cant exercise atm on physios instructions, and wants to diet because of that. She read that text and went mental at me, saying that she doesnt control me at all, if I ask for money I can generally have it, and sorry for wanting to spend time with you and want to lose some weight, she said that she's sick of feeling like she has ruined my life and that she and the family are just an inconvenience to me, if I don't like it then I can do one basically.

I generally am a bit unhappy, I have just finished seeing a free councillor at work and have stopped taking citalopram for depresion, as much as I love my family and daughter especially, my life is not as good as it was before, I have money worrys which werent there before and I have to ration my freetime to take others into consideration, like truthfully I prob feel more controlled by family life than by my wife in particular.

I couldnt bear to not see my little girl everyday, to see her calling someone else dad one day, things like that, I get home from work and love playing with her and hearing her talk about her day, but my attitude to life, and my selfish self absorbed nature IS going to ruin my marriage if it doesnt change, but its so ingrained in me, its who I am and feels like it will be impossible to change, I dont want to lose my family, I know that once debts paid and the holidays done money will not be a problem at all, life will get good again, but I'm not sure if my marriage is gonna last long enough to see the better days and I don't know what to do.

I lived for nearly 8 years on my own and then went straight into family life, there was no living with each other for a few years and then getting married, it just happened and i'm worried that I just can't live with someone else, I need my own space and the control over my life.

I sometimes feel like my daughter and losing her is the only reason i'm still at home, in my eyes all my wife does these days is moan, about her back, about feeling sick/tired/having a headache, about me leaving the toothbrush out of the pot, bouncing my leg, playing poker too much, not letting her lie in long enough, she seems to have turned into the stereotypical nagging wife and sometimes it just makes me think that all she does is do my head in, but there are still good times, and she's still my best friend and the only person ive ever met that I can talk to about anything.....

Sorry for going on a bit, and probably just ranting near the end, but I need some advice 🙁