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My wife of 22 years moved out in 2017 and took our 3 kids, however my eldest, 17 years old at the time, decided to move back with me. My wife (it is really hard to call her ex-wife) lives less then 1 mile away from me. I still try and give her what she needs, take her to hospital and even got her groceries when she had to isolate as she caught COVID. I slept in the spare room during the 22 years and sometimes would be lucky if she would let me sleep in the same bed as her
Over the last few years, I hardly ever saw my children as my eldest is at Uni and lives 100 miles away, My middle son will be going back to Uni and my daughter who is now 15 hardly ever comes here. I still provide money for my children and transfer money into their account whenever they need.
I moved to Belgium for work as I could not live in marital home as there are so many memories of us and I just kept crying that I was living alone and missed the 5 of so living as a family so much. I continued to work in Belgium during the pandemic but had to came back as a colleague in our building died of COVID in August 2021 and our building was shut down. I have not been able to go back due to BREXIT and have been working from home ever since. I really hate the thought of living here on my own and managed to find a job in Norway which starts next month.
Since 2017, I have had many dealings and battles with Child Maintenance and was diagnosed with depression and was on a waiting list for 2 years for help. The counseling started in January and after 6 sessions ended in April 2023. The councilor made me realize that I was running away from my problems and my environment and also that I could be the victim of financial abuse.
This year, I believed that we would get back together and was delivering flowers, and letting her use my credit card so that could take the kids out and also trying to make progress on CM payments. She spent over £2000 in April and May as this was the period of our children birthdays which I am still paying. I was offering to let her move back to the marital home and she would not need to pay rent and when i would come back from Norway would go to a hotel, I even offered to place the marital house on rent and we can perhaps buy another house and she declined all the offers and I could NOT understand why and then finally 2 weeks ago she admitted that she has been seeing someone else and this has been going on for a year and has known this person for 3 years. The kids have seen this other person and this has devastated me. She refuses to tell me anything else. It hurts so much. I have not been eating properly and have been drinking everyday for the last 2 weeks.
The sad thing is that I would take her back and sleep in the shed to get us back. The depression is back and I decided to stop drinking today and had my first slice of toast which is the only food i have had in 2 weeks. I threw most of that away as I am just not hungry.
The thought of running away to Norway and leaving my wife free with this person really hurts. I am 52 years and really want to die, as I do not think I have a future. I do not have any friends I can confide in as they would just say 'get over it' and 'have a beer.
I really need to look after myself and look inwards to discover why I am NOT suitable.
hi,
Which country are you based in currently? 50% of marriages end in divorce. I have been through one. Try not to be hard on yourself. Have you tried seeking support like counselling ?
Check out this chanel, was very helpful to me. It's by a dad that went through divorce and rebuilt his life:
There's also another great one called DSD - Dad's Surviving Divorce
@bill337
Thank you, I am currently based in the UK and will check the videos that you sent.
[censored] Dell123
I do totally get how you feel and after reading your post I have been in a similar situation.
I separated and divorced in 2016 and I am still not over my marriage break-up -our daughter was 5 at the time.
I found the first thing I needed to do was take care of myself, even if it was eating tiny amounts of food, it was a start. I practiced mindfulness to bring myself in the present moment and distracted myself with hobbies such as reading and cycling; walking is a great alternative as I could immerse myself in what’s around me. Like you, I don’t have any friends or family to talk to, so they are solitary things I do.
You do have to understand that she has moved on and whilst it can take years, you have to have the mindset of doing the same, but realise that you will go through the emotions.
I finally had a great relationship with my ex wife until recently when a small argument made her very vindictive and take our friendship away, and my now 12 year old daughter doesn’t want to see me as much, I suspect through her Mums lies, but I can’t and don’t wan to prove it. So I am going through the same pain I did all those years ago, but I’m starting with take care of my needs first. Don’t be afraid to talk to the Samaritans as they were helpful when I used them and still do. I’m afraid the pain will be there, it makes you human, but it goes get better with time, you have to just take care of you first and always be there for the kids.
Hope this helps
I'm really sorry to hear that you're going through such a tough time. It's clear you've been dealing with a lot of emotions and challenges since 2017. It's important to remember that you're not alone, and reaching out for help is a strong move. Take the counseling and therapy you've had as a step towards understanding yourself better and healing from the inside out.
You deserve happiness, and it's okay to feel hurt and lost right now. But don't forget that you have a future, and it can be brighter than you imagine. Focus on taking care of yourself, physically and mentally, and surround yourself with positive influences. Consider seeking support from professionals or support groups that can provide a safe space to share your feelings and experiences.
Running away may not be the answer, but seeking a fresh start in Norway could be an opportunity for growth and healing. It's okay to take things one step at a time and process your emotions gradually. Remember, asking for help and support doesn't make you weak; it shows strength in seeking a better path for yourself. Hang in there, my friend, and take things day by day. You got this! 😉
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