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Hi All,
I'm hoping some of you may have some advice to offer.
I have been divorced from my ex wife for 4 years now. Throughout this time I have had regular contact with our son (now 7), I speak to him daily and he stays with me alternate weekends and one night in the week. I remarried last year, he gets on great with his step mum. We are now expecting another son in a few weeks. This weekend my son has been questioning why I left him and saying he wishes I had stayed with mummy.
I have tried to be honest and explained that I haven't left him, because I see him as much as I can and he is always welcome to come and stay when ever he wants. I also explained that I left mummy because I didn't love her anymore and was unhappy, but that doesn't mean I don't like her or that I don't love him, or that my feelings have changed with the baby coming.
Things have always been a bit strained with my ex wife, who is always down on men in general, but especially me to my son. I understand it will be difficult for her knowing I am having another baby as she hasn't met anyone in the 4 years we have been divorced, but I am cross that my son is having these concerns raised in his mind again.
I am not sure if my approach to dealing with this is the right one. I want to be honest at the same time as not being negative about his mum, and I want him to know how much I love him and that having another baby will never change that.
Any advice any one else has from similar situations would be great, I'm worrying that he is feeling confused and mixed emotions of excitement and fear at the new arrival and want to reassure him.
Hi there
It's always difficult to know what to do for the best, he's still so young at 7 and must be feeling a little insecure about the new baby. You are right to be honest and to steer clear of any negativity about his mother.
All you can do is to be sensitive to his needs and give him lots of reassurance. It might help to involve him in the preparations for the baby, let him choose a gift or help with picking things for the babys bedroom.... And a gift from the baby to his/her big brother when baby arrives might be a good idea.
I think there are several age appropriate books that are available that you could sit down and read with him, it might help to start off conversations and help him to vocalise about his feeeligs.
All, the best ....oh and congratulations on your imminent new arrival! It's an exciting time for you all.
Hi There,
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I think the way you are handling things is spot on, being honest in your approach and ensuring he know's you didn't leave him but his mum. I never said a bad word about my ex too my son, even though she said all sorts about me so I agree 100% about being pleasant about his mum.
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With the new baby coming he must be feeling insecure and his mum may not be helping with this, as Mojo has said involve him with the plans for the new baby, and make some plans with him of things you will all do when baby arrives, ask him if there is anywhere he wants to show his little brother/sister like zoo's or parks so he can feel secure and part of plans, he could maybe paint a picture for the babies room that you could frame and he could help hang it on the wall too.
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GTTS