[Solved] should i tell my wife?

Hi there

...it must be very hard carrying this knowledge around with you...only you can answer whether you should tell her or not. I think if you want to try and make a go of it it might be better to get everything out in the open so that it can be dealt with properly...it would be very difficult to move forward with this "secret" festering away otherwise.

It might be a good idea to go to Relate or other marriage guidance, they are trained to work with couples in situations like yours. Many people can get over the infidelity of a partner, some can't...

My personal opinion is that if you intend to make a go of it again, then this needs to be cleared up otherwise it will always fester, and you need to know at the start whether you can both get past this.

If you don't want the relationship to continue, then leave it alone - if your ex thinks you have 'snooped' on her account, it is going to make the whole breakup far more bitter, and you need to be concentrating on your children and your own life ahead.

But as I said, that's what I think I would do - ultimately, only you know what is best for you.

Hi There,

I agree with both the above, if you decide you want to continue with this relationship then Relate is a very good idea, what you have sen will make life very difficult for you if this isn't addressed fully, I am partly torn between if you do decide to try again with your wife and make a go of it whether if you do attend relate that maybe bringing this up for the first time at relate could be a better option, having a 3rd party there to keep things calm may help, my other view is that your wife may feel you have just sprung this on her to make her look bad in relate session, not much help I'm afraid but my view, Maybe some others could comment on this with their views.

However if you decide not to try again then as already said don't bring it up as it will be like hitting the hornets nest for a reaction and I'm sure you would get one, which may result in the divorce taking longer or contact issues with your children.

GTTS

I guess the simple question is do you want to make a go of it and try again? If you do then you need to find a way to forgive what has happened (I'm sure you won't forget - even if you wanted to) . As the others have suggested - relationship counselling could help. The most important thing is that you both understand want caused your issues in the past and that you don't go round full circle and repeat them again.

Only you know if you should bring it up. Can you make a go of it, knowing what you do without talking it through? Knowing your wife as you do, how is she going to react if you mention what you have seen?

Keep talking.

Gooner.