Thanks for joining us on the forum – glad to have you here. You are welcome to post 24/7 but please note that whilst we have forum moderators we will only be moderating the forum during office hours. If though you need urgent crisis help, please contact Samaritans on 116 123.
Spurgeons and Dad.Info doesn’t investigate reports of abuse or neglect. But below, you can find advice on who to contact if you have concerns about a child or young person.
Reporting a concern
It can be difficult to know what to do if you think a child is at risk. It’s important to remember that if you’ve spotted things that don’t seem right, others will have too. Speaking up can make sure that child gets help as soon as possible.
The sooner you contact your local children’s social care duty team, the quicker they can act. They’re available 24 hours a day, and can make an anonymous report if that feels safer. If a child is in immediate danger, please call the police straight away by dialling 999.
Report child abuse or neglect to your local council
Use these links to get in touch with your local council:
I saw that someone posted a similar thread not long ago but since my situation is slightly different, I thought I would start a new one.
Please excuse al naivety in this post but here's the situation:
I met my girlfriend several months ago. The relationship was pretty new but it wasn't before long - when I moved in (pretty much straight away...something I can go into further detail if you ask) and then later lost my job, and so found myself spending a lot of time together - that things fell apart. Granted, I was a burden on her. She was paying for everything and pretty much felt like the man in the relationship. She was getting sick of the sight of me. Despite the fact I was great with the two daughters that she already had, her parents and siblings absolutely love me, and so did she, but we never utilised the honeymoon phase of the relationship where you're SUPPOSED to miss each other and spent time apart. We were so in love and every day was like a dream come true. I quickly realised that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her and committed so in my heart (I know...crazy to say such a thing in such a short space of time). I subconsciously took advantage of the fact that she was so easy-going about me living there, but that quickly took it's tole to the point where she wanted me out.
I was desperately trying to savour the relationship and she told me that she didn't want to break up, she just wanted space. The hardest part was that this was shortly after we'd had [censored] for the first time...as a matter of fact, it was my first time...EVER!!!
Finally I moved out and gave her the space she wanted/needed. There was no contact between us and we never saw each other. Things felt like they were getting worse rather than better. We got to a point where we blocked each other on social media and everything. She took my name out of her twitter bio and said some very hurtful things when I tried to contact her so I changed our relationship status to single.
But I loved her and I couldn't accept that it was over. She soon began to evidently miss me too and we slowly got in contact again and things were looking up. She said that the next time I see her, she needs to tell me something if we're going to work things out.
One Saturday during a phone call, she asked me when her period was due (because I used to keep track on an app on my phone), and I told her "Tuesday...". She said "Tuesday coming" and I told her, "No...tuesday gone".
She ended up going to the doctors and when she returned, she called me up. She was scared but I was strangely quite calm. She told me on the phone "I'm pregnant. But I also need to confess something. The day after you left...I slept with someone else". I immediately forgave her and didn't react negatively in the slightest and committed to working things out because honestly, with every fibre of my being, my heart violently loves her.
We started to work things out and things were continuing to be on the up. She even started telling me she loved me again and told me that she missed me but a few days before new year, things turned sour again. She's stopped talking to me, she doesn't want me to do anything. She doesn't doesn't let me know how she's doing or anything. I went to hers the yesterday day because we had a scan appointment to check that the baby was growing okay. Everything with the baby is fine but things between me and her are [censored]. I feel so shut out.
I've been reading a book about pregnancy from a dad's point of view (It's really good, I highly recommend. "The Expectant Dad's Survival Guide" by Rob Kemp. That's where I heard about this site) which has been really helpful. It warned me that women can be hormonal and have mood swings during this time of pregnancy so I'm trying to put things down to that. But I feel so shut out. The book tells me how communication is key but I can't even get her to talk at all. I'm trying to be patient and figure that when she's ready, she'll talk to me. I came to the conclusion that "when there's nothing you can do, do nothing" but I feel like there's always something I can do.
I'm trying to do all that I can. I'm sending her positive voice notes on a morning (that she doesn't reply to)...but that's all I can think to do. I'm looking to suggest maybe taking her daughters out here and there so that she can rest and have some uninterrupted sleep but she currently has a a best friend who is always there doing everything and probably doing that too so I just anticipate being shut-down. Please let me know your thoughts. I feel so alone right now, back-london, no immediate family near me, no home, and currently awaiting a job to get back to me about an interview and trial shift I had today.
Hi,
From a woman's point of view I think it's all very sudden and quick. (Meeting, falling in love, moving in, a baby, breaking up etc)
I think you need to concentrate on yourself and getting a job initially before worrying about caring for her other children. This is something she has obviously been capable of doing up until she met you a few months back, and if all is well in the pregnancy her life won't have changed much.
If the baby turns out to be yours you will need to have a stable job to support them best you can. I understand you want to support her now too Incase the baby is yours but you need to be realistic as there is a chance that the baby is someone else's.
Carry on sending positive notes but don't smoother her. If she wants your physical support or help I'm sure she will ask but until then I would take a step back. That's not to say you have to stop loving her etc
Stay positive and Concentrate on getting that job 🙂
Hi There,
.
I agree that this all went very quickly, I think that you are doing all you can at the moment, send her a message if you want too, but as said don't smoother her, and think about the time you spent apart, thats when things turned a corner and you started seeing each other, you said yourself you hadn't given each other chance to miss the time you spent together.
.
I would say maybe send a message in the morning or evening saying you hope she is well and slept well and that you are thinking of her, and leave it at that then maybe leave a day between the next message you send her, it's possible that what are you are doing to bring her back close to you could be pushing her away if she wants some space,
.
I would imagine that her hormones are all over the place at the moment.
.
GTTS
Thank you all for your replies. I copied this same thread to another site and people weren't so constructive with their replies. They were outright rude and offensive.
I'll take all this into consideration. Thanx
Stop sending messages every day.
When my ex was pregnant & didn't want me bothering her, and I kept doing so (but nowhere near what you are) it drove her crazy & pushed her further away.
Of course, this all drove me crazy too & I have my own back story going 5 years.
The fact you were a virgin will be playing a major part in how you are feeling about her.
I promise you, despite how short the relationship was, the fact I was a virgin has no play in it. I had strong feelings way before we had [censored] but thank you. I'm not messaging her any more