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Good morning,
I'm just thinking aloud with this issue, so I thought I'd float it on the forum to see if anyone (dads or mums) had any ideas.
My 10 year old son lives roughly alternate weeks (mid week to mid week) with me, and with his mother. Her house is about 4 miles away, I remained in our family house, which is very close to my boy's school. This arrangement was not convivial, it was hewn out of a difficult and expensive legal tussle but the important thing is my son is happy and well adjusted (his mother less so on both counts).
I try to make life as normal as I can for my son. I provide a nice home for him (plus a nice holiday house for weekends and school hols) as well as all the clothes, school uniform, books, toys, computers &c he needs so we do not have the potential conflict in moving things from one home to another. The only things he would like to take with him to his are his iPad and his laptop computer, because he does not have those at his mother's house and they have the accounts he needs to play Minecraft (a popular childrens' game that has some educational value) with his friends.
In the past my son's mother has been difficult about him taking his cell phone (a contract phone which I provide) to her house during the weeks he resides with her, so I have to keep it at my house. I thought we had made a breakthrough about a month ago when my son called me to ask whether I would deliver his iPad to his mother's house as she had agreed he could use it there. I did so of course, and that seemed to work pretty well (although she would not let him charge it once the battery was flat, I don't know why). After the next week he was with me he asked whether he could take his laptop PC as well as the iPad, and seemed very happy to take both to his mother's house when I dropped him off.
Unfortunately (for my son) things did not go so well, his mother took the iPad and laptop from him and has since sent me a text message saying he is not to bring them with him again. I know my son was a bit unhappy about not being able to use his iPad and laptop at his mother's house, but he has been pretty stoical about it, and I don't think there is any point taking it up with her.
So there we have it: this is not a show-stopper, my son has two perfectly good homes (I know, I had to buy both of them!) but it would be nice if he could take his iPad and laptop (and his cell phone, but I've long given up on that one) to his mother's house for the weeks he lives with her. I can't think of any way of moving forward, but I wondered whether anyone out there has encountered something similar or just has a good idea? Perhaps there is a dad or mum trying to achieve something similar, or indeed someone on the other side trying to stop it (that can explain why)?
Best wishes,
AO
Hi There,
I would guess that his mum has her reasons for not wanting him to have these things with him, has she ever told you why?
I know from experience that different parents have different views on electronic devices, My step sons father will allow him to play X-Box from when he gets up pretty much until he goes to bed if they have no other plans, but we always restrict the amount of time he spends on it at home, we can't influence what he does at his dad's even if we don't agree.
I know children with different parents are always very differently behaved and play one off against the other, with "well dad lets me" or "mum lets me" I'm not saying this is the issue, but it may be worth having a conversation with his mum if you are on speaking terms with her to try and find out, or even press your son.
As you say though it hasn't caused too much of an issue.
GTTS
Thanks GTTS,
I'm not sure it is worth making an issue of this, I suspect that is what my son's mother wants to happen (I think that much is a control thing -the ability to say no), which I would prefer to avoid. I was just trying to understand the issue rather than solve it. I don't think she is an adversity to electronic gadgets as my son has various games consoles at his mother's house that he is allowed to use.
At breakfast this morn I told my son we would leave it a few months and then I'd ask his mother whether he could take his iPad with him again. He agreed this would be a sensible thing to do.
Best wishes,
AO
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