DAD.info
Forum - Ask questions. Get answers.

Thanks for joining us on the forum – glad to have you here. You are welcome to post 24/7 but please note that whilst we have forum moderators we will only be moderating the forum during office hours. If though you need urgent crisis help, please contact Samaritans on 116 123.

Spurgeons and Dad.Info doesn’t investigate reports of abuse or neglect. But below, you can find advice on who to contact if you have concerns about a child or young person.

 

Reporting a concern

It can be difficult to know what to do if you think a child is at risk. It’s important to remember that if you’ve spotted things that don’t seem right, others will have too. Speaking up can make sure that child gets help as soon as possible.

 

The sooner you contact your local children’s social care duty team, the quicker they can act. They’re available 24 hours a day, and can make an anonymous report if that feels safer. If a child is in immediate danger, please call the police straight away by dialling 999.

 

Report child abuse or neglect to your local council

Use these links to get in touch with your local council:

Seperation pretty m...
 
Notifications
Clear all

[Solved] Seperation pretty much imminent

 
(@Sad Sack)
Active Member Registered

Hi all,

First post. I am a very proud dad and husband. I have a 2 year old and a 15 year old step child. My wife and I have been married for 6 years and she has announced that she wants us to seperate. I have tried to persuade her to try to make things work out but she is adamant.

She has suggested/demanded that I move out of the marital home into a rented house, leaving her in the marital home (joint mortgage). She will then "get the house ready for selling"

Tonight we discussed seperating and the financial issues involved. We have around 5k of debt on cards/overdraft and agreed in principle that it should be split evenly.

When we bought our house, it needed a lot of modernisation/upgrading and we stayed in my house whilst the work was done she bought "our house" (we both previously owned our own homes). Once both houses were sold we used the profit from my house to pay for our wedding and house repairs and the house became jointly owned.

My mother in law passed away a few years ago and we carried out some more upgrades to the house using money my wife had inherited.

During the time we have been togethor I have always worked and I am the main breadwinner in the family, at the moment my wife is not working.

I am concerned that if I move out, with two sets of bills to pay either/both of us will build up more debt, which will become joint debt.

When we discussed either selling the house, or buying her out of the mortgage, she seemed to think that any equity in the house was "hers" due to the work done using the inheritance. I am not disputing this (or agreeing with it).

I have suggested that we separate our finances If and when I move out and any debt incurred post split would belong to the individual.

I would obviously still be liable for the mortgage payments and would have to pay maintenance for my child.

I still wish we could work things out, I love my wife and kids dearly but she is absolutely determined that we should seperate.

Any advice on my situation would be appreciated.

Quote
Topic starter Posted : 06/10/2012 4:41 am
(@Nannyjane)
Illustrious Member Registered

Hi there

Welcome to the Forum.

Seperation is never easy and there is usually one party that will suffer the most. Its a long shot but have you suggested marriage counselling with Relate, or Mediation through NFM?

I think a joint mortgage is just that and any money spent on the property by either party isnt relevant to the division of any equity, but I think that because of the child involved it might be that you would get a lesser share... There are more experienced members here that will be able to clarify your situation and I'm sure they will drop by and advise you...

I think its right that the finances be seperated when/if you leave the home, but you are right about still being responsible for the mortgage and maintainance for your child.

Has your wife given you any reasons why she wants this? If theres no third party involved and its more to do with staleness in the relationship (we do tend to take each other for granted after a while..) you could try courting her all over again...try to re-create how it was at the start, put some sparkle and spontaneity back into the equation...silly suggestions perhaps, but it might be worth a try.

Good luck with everything.

ReplyQuote
Posted : 06/10/2012 2:03 pm
Share:

Pin It on Pinterest