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Hi there
I have been married for almost 10 years and have two beautiful children aged 10 and 3. I thought all was fine until very recently when my wife decided we should separate.
Her main reason is that she does not love me anymore and thinks that I take her for granted. I may hold some blame as I have not shown her enough love and affection for some time but neither has she. I guess we have drifted apart.
I have taken the split quite badly and I my head is full of unanswered questions about the situation.
We have decided to stay in the martial home and live separate lives for the sake of the children. I am trying to be friendly towards her but I'm starting to feel uncomfortable with this agreement. She tends to go out most nights to see friends and sometimes does not get back in until gone midnight. I work and its affecting my sleep (we still share a bed as the kids have the other 2 bedrooms)
I can't move out as I have no money left to do so. I pay 100% of the monthly bills and mortgage as she does not work or indeed contribute to anything. We share a car and even I pay the fuel costs
If I file for divorce I fear that the house will go to her and I would have nothing left to support me financially if I still have to pay the mortgage and monthly bills. She refuses to sell the house so I am left in limbo.
What can I do apart from continuing to live like this. I feel trapped!! Can I force her to sell? Both our names are on the mortgage. I can't buy her out and neither can she buy my half.
Hi there
Sorry to hear about your situation.
Have you thought about having relationship counselling? Relate offer a nationwide service or you can google counselling centres in your area, they sometimes offer couples counselling at a much cheaper rate. Perhaps there is something to be saved by communicating with one another and certainly wouldn't hurt to try.
My experience with property and finances is a little limited I'm afraid, sure someone with more experience will be able to advise specifically.
In the meantime, many solicitors offer free 30 minute consultations it might be worth trying this as a first port of call.
If you were to leave the home, you wouldn't be expected to still pay all of the bills etc as well as any obligation to the mortgage. As your wife doesn't work, she would be eligible to claim tax credits and JSA / Income Support. As your youngest is 3, nursery and school are not far away which would give her free hours to work.
Good luck
Hi there
I'm sorry to hear you are struggling, it's only natural your head will be all over the place at the moment but you've come to the right place to ask questions and get some support....many of our members know exactly how you are feeling right now.
To be really honest I can't see your present arrangement working long term, as you acknowledge, it's already beginning to feel uncomfortable.
As Yoda says, many solicitors offer a free initial consultation and it would be advisable to get some legal advice. The Citizens Advice Bureau. Can also offer free advice.
As you have a joint mortgage, you are both liable for the repayments, if you leave and she doesn't keep up the payments the mortgage provider will look to you to pay.
However, if you were to leave you wouldn't be liable to pay the household expenses, the only payment you would be expected to make would be child maintenance and any extra over an above that would be at your discretion.
I would think that as part of the divorce proceedings there would have to be an agreement to sell the house and split the equity, with your wife receiving a larger percentage, being the children's primary carer.
Your wife would be entitled to income support and various benefits, when your youngest child reached the age of 5 she would then be expected to sign on and look for work.
Here's a link to the child maintenance calculator, which is worked out on a percentage of gross income.
www.gov.uk/calculate-your-child-maintenance.
Here's a link to some guidelines about separating and divorce and the financial side of things
http://www.advicenow.org.uk/tags/separation-divorce-and-dissolution-civil-partnerships